


We're Coming Home

by OmniAni



Series: Take My Hand And Home We'll Go [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Canon Rewrite, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Reader-Insert, Slow Burn, Whump, the100 - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-01 00:34:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 50,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17234099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OmniAni/pseuds/OmniAni
Summary: Y/N Kane, daughter of Marcus Kane, a woman with strong opinions and a wild heart is sent to the ground with the rest of the 100. Free to roam the planet she'd stared at and studied for years, she finally feels in her element, but soon realizes it's much more dangerous than any of them could have guessed.





	1. Pilot

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [To Find A Home - Book One](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11369271) by [Kalliria](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalliria/pseuds/Kalliria). 



> I use she/her pronouns in this fanfic, but of course please change them if you're a guy or if you identify as something else! I'm not here to discriminate and you all deserve to have a love story with Bellamy Blake!

One day. One more day, and then I would turn eighteen. They would float me, and just like that, my existence would be forgotten by all but my father. Seeing as he was the Vice Chancellor, I couldn't imagine he'd have much time to mourn me, and then eventually I would be far from his mind too. Looking for comfort, I turned to the small window of my cell where I resided in the skybox. Earth seemed farther away than usual, but maybe that was because I was dreading my re-evaluation and ultimate sentence to floating. I stared at the planet for what felt like hours, dreaming of what it would be like to step foot on the rich, green earth, to plunge into the depths of the sea. Not that I could swim, but I always wanted to learn. 

Even as a child, I was always so obsessed with Earth. I remember I studied it for countless hours, familiarizing myself with plants, hunting, even the most strange, complicated techniques of climbing trees. I knew I would never have the chance to put my knowledge to use, but I couldn't help my fascination. Staring at the planet always offered an escape, a way to delve into my imagination when I felt so alone. Truthfully, I never was. But after my mother died, my father was always so distant with me. Of course, I was guilty of pushing him away too. But we never got the chance to mend our shattering relationship because I made a stupid decision that I was likely going to die for. 

I sighed and rested my chin on my knees. It was no use dwelling on things I couldn't change. Today was my last day alive, and I had to spend it doing something I loved, not sitting in my cell wallowing in grief. From beneath my pillow I pulled out my old leather notebook, a gift from my mother on my fourteenth birthday the year before she died. It was falling apart at the seams, and the leather strap that bound it shut was frayed. Carefully, I opened it towards the end, where only a few pages remained blank. Struck with inspiration, I began to write. My imagination carried the words across the yellowing pages, spinning tales woven of magic and love and fear and pain. I loved to write, to bring characters to life in a world of my own making. The entirety of the notebook was filled with short stories and diary entries, and any words that popped into my mind. It was my favorite past time, one of the few things that distracted my mind and allowed my soul to experience adventure I'd never had the pleasure of taking. 

I thought my mother would be proud of me. Always eager to learn, to write, to share stories with anyone I could, even if I myself was the only audience. I dreamed of telling magnificent stories to my child and my child's child so that one day my descendants would be armed with the knowledge and imagination of the Kane bloodline. Starting with me, at the very least. 

The slam of my door opening startled me, and my pencil tore a hole in the page I was writing on. With a wild look in my eyes, I stared at the guards that stood there, electric beating rods in hand. Adrenaline exploded in my veins. I wasn't ready to die. Not yet. 

"What the hell are you doing in here?" I shouted, unable to keep my blood from boiling. I wasn't sure if it was in anger or fear. Maybe both. "I still have one more day before I'm eighteen!" 

"On your feet," said one of the guards, one I recognized but never particularly liked. 

I didn't obey. They had no right to float me. Not yet. When it was clear to them that I was not going to follow orders, they stepped towards me and yanked me to my feet. My notebook fell from my lap, landing hard on the floor. The seam tore a little more. A few pages fell out. My heart pounded as the guards began to drag me out of my cell, and my eyes were glued to the notebook. I couldn't leave that. Even if I was going to be floated, I wanted to hold that in my hands, I wanted the comfort of my mother's spirit with me when I finally met my end. 

"Let me go!" I screamed, struggling fiercely against the guards. I managed to escape their grips and make a run for it, but I really didn't know where I was going to go. There was nowhere I could run that they wouldn't find me. I hated space. 

I rounded a corner and ran into Marcus Kane, the man I call my father. Immediately, and completely unexpectedly, relief washed over me. I wrapped my arms around him, desperate for some sort of comfort. "DAD!" 

"Y/n?" He replied, wrapping his arms around me. It's a nice gesture, but not enough to calm me. I thought I would be much more composed and dignified at the time of my death.  Apparently I completely misjudged just how terrifying imminent death could be. "It's alright. It's alright." 

"I don't want to die, not today," I pleaded, trying to stop the tears. I deserved better than this, better than floating. "I don't want to die." 

He pulled me out of the hug, and I looked up into his eyes. "You're not going to be floated, Y/n." 

"I'm not?" 

"No. You're-" 

My father took a deep breath. 

"I'm what?" My heart pounded even harder, if that was possible. What other horrors awaited me? 

"You're going to earth." 

I practically stopped functioning. After all those years longing for a home I'd never known, I got to go back to the roots of my ancestors? I would have said something, but a prick in my leg told me the guards had shot me with a tranquilizer, and the last thing I saw before the darkness was the desperation for re-connection in my father's eyes. 

* * *

 

I awoke inside the drop ship, strapped down in a seat. After I shook the remnants of drowsiness from the tranquilizer, I allowed myself to relish in exhilaration. I was going to Earth. Home. Me and the other one hundred delinquents from the skybox got to return to our roots. From what I understood, the Council had elected to send the 100 prisoners from the Sky Box to Earth, after Dr Griffin, Councillor and best medic on the Ark, realized the radiations had dropped low enough for people to survive. And because no one would miss us if we died, they’d decided to make us their guinea pigs. I wouldn't be surprised if my father had argued against the whole thing, but I doubt it would have ever been for my sake. Although, the look in his eyes when I last saw him gave me hope otherwise. Maybe there was still something there for us to salvage. Maybe if I survived this trip we could mend our family. 

I found myself grateful for hugging him. If I died on earth at least he would know that I still cared for him, that I didn't hate him as I'd last said to him the day I was arrested. Hurtling down to the ground in a ship filled with criminals made my grudge seem so insignificant. Granted, it probably was in the grand scheme of things, but I was never a big picture kind of person. I never cared for my future on the Ark. All I ever wanted was to reach the ground. Wish granted, though I supposed I should be careful. I had read enough novels from the older times to know nothing was ever quite as it seemed. 

But I was  _going to the ground_. How could I be worried about the tricks of genies from old books when I was overwhelmed with euphoria? I had been preparing for this day my whole life, never believing it was actually possible. I knew how to hunt, what plants to eat, how to build a fire. I could fashion myself a bow or a dagger, or anything really. I was a Kane. I would not be fallen by a strange new terrain. 

A weight on my left arm pulled me from my thoughts. Attached to my wrist was a heavy metal wristband I could only assume was meant to track my vitals and relay information back to the Ark. Everyone else had one on too, which added credibility to my theory. 

Looking around everyone on the drop ship, I recognized a few faces. Wells Jaha and Clarke Griffin were the most familiar, and the only ones I knew by name. Both of them were from esteemed families like mine, and I had spent much of my early childhood running around with them. Two other kids standing next to each other, one with goggles, I recognized from some of my earth skills classes, but I couldn't remember their names. There was one kid in particular that caught my attention though, who stood rather close to me. He was wearing a guard's uniform, as if he wasn't a delinquent. He certainly wasn't that familiar to me, so perhaps he'd just snuck on. Why take that risk, I wasn't sure, but I could appreciate some reckless decisions every now and then. I'd be a hypocrite if I said anything otherwise. 

"You're Kane's daughter aren't you?" He said after a while of silent staring. 

"And you're pretending to be a guard," I replied, rolling my eyes. My father wasn't popular on the Ark, I knew that. I'd had my fair share of rude introductions and insults. I never took it personally, even if sometimes I felt responsible for the actions my father took, for everyone he killed in a fruitless effort to save the human race. "Seems we're both good at observations." 

He scoffed, and silence fell between us once again. I was sure we had to be nearing the atmosphere by now. 

"So, what's your name?" I asked, trying to keep the conversation going. I had had enough silence alone in my cell. 

For the longest time, he didn't respond, and I figured he was just going to ignore me, which for the record I was totally fine with. If he didn't want to make an effort to be friendly, I wouldn't waste my time on him and find someone else worth my while. 

"Bellamy Blake." 

His face might not have been familiar, but his name sure was. Bellamy had more reason than most people to hate my father, considering the fact that my father had floated Aurora Blake, Bellamy's mother for the crime of having a second child, and when Octavia Blake had been discovered, she too was locked up in the skybox. I had seen her around a few times, but I'd never heard her speak. She was the quietest girl I'd met, always hovering in the shadows. If she was on this ship, maybe she'd finally get her chance to be free. I couldn't begin to imagine how horrible it must have been to always be hidden away, locked beneath the floorboards just to stay alive. 

"I'm sorry." The words rolled off my tongue before I knew what I was saying. It was hardly meaningful, and he knew that. 

"I don't want your pity." 

I shrugged. That was more than fair. The last thing he probably wanted to do was converse with me, instead of looking for his sister, if she even was on the ship. Despite that fact, I was going to talk for as long as I could. I wasn't sure I could bear silence more, even with the hum of chatter around me. "How'd you get on the drop ship? I can't imagine you could have done it alone." 

Something like panic flashed in his dark, alluring eyes before they hardened. "None of your damn business." 

Bellamy turned away from me, and I figured that was the end of the conversation. Perhaps forever. That was alright. Now I had to force myself to make acquaintance with other people. Although, considering the fact that everyone likely knew I was a Kane, Clarke and Wells were probably my only options for kinship. I liked them, I guess, but I hadn't spoken with either of them in years. And I heard they themselves had a bit of a falling out. So maybe I didn't even have them as an option. 

It was good timing, I supposed, that my conversation with Bellamy dropped right then, because the screens around the ship lit up with the familiar face of Chancellor Jaha. I knew the man rather well, but I had never trusted his methods or morals. I doubted I could trust the words that would come out of his mouth. 

"Prisoners of the Ark, hear me now," Chancellor Jaha began on the screen. "You’ve been given a second chance. And as your Chancellor, it is my hope that you see this as not just a chance for you but a chance for all of us. Indeed, for mankind itself. We have no idea what is waiting for you down there. If the odds of survival were better, we would’ve sent others. Frankly, we’re sending you because your crimes have made you expendable."

I figured as much, but it still struck a chord in me. Hearing other people call me expendable was not easy, and although I would never take that to heart, I couldn't ignore that fact. No one else seemed to like hearing it either. 

"If, however, you do survive," Jaha continued, "then those crimes will be forgiven. Your records wiped clean." 

Beside me, Bellamy inhaled sharply. I glanced over at him, to see his face a bit more pale, his eyes a bit more frantic. Other people may not have picked up on it, but I had always had a keen eye. At least, I liked to think so. It was probably nothing. 

"The drop site has been chosen carefully," the Chancellor continued. "Before the Last War, Mount Weather was a military base built within a mountain. It was to be stocked with enough non-perishables to sustain 300 people for up to two years. No one ever made it there. Because we could spare you no food, no water, no medicine, I cannot stress this enough. Mount Weather is life. You must locate those supplies immediately. You have one job, one responsibility: stay alive. Finally, I’m sure you’re wondering about those wristbands-"

The ship lurched suddenly, and I let out a scream of shock. Gripping my harness tight enough to turn my knuckles white, I looked around at everyone else's bewildered expressions. Sparks flew and lights flickered. Logically, I knew we must have just entered the earth's atmosphere, but the irrational side of me believed that I was just going to die in a fiery explosion. Which might not have been super far off, but I tried not to linger on that. 

Suddenly, it was over. The ship crashed into the ground, and the unified screaming ceased. My throat was hoarse and stinging, but the relief I felt overruled anything else. I had survived the landing, at least. Now I would have to see if I would survive the air. 

I practically ripped off my harness and made my way to the lower level, joining the anxious crowd. 

"Hey just back it up!" Bellamy yelled at everyone, his command holding enough authority that everyone listened. I wasn't sure I liked that he was trying to establish himself as an authority figure. We were all teenagers in an unfamiliar land. It was only going to end in disaster, that much I was sure of. Besides, I didn't like the idea of him bossing me around, and trying to reign in my curiosity. Even I couldn't do that. 

"Stop!" It was Clarke, making her way down the ladder. I tried to catch her eye, but she didn't seem to notice. Or maybe she was purposefully averting her gaze. Guess I would have to wait and find out. "The air could be toxic." 

"If the air's toxic, we're all dead anyway," Bellamy countered. 

Just as he was about to turn the heavy metal lever, a light voice from the back of the crowd spoke. "Bellamy?" 

A girl with dark hair and wide eyes pushed her way through the crowd. It was Octavia Blake, the girl I'd only ever seen hiding in the shadows. Whispers murmured through the crowd as she made her way towards her brother. 

"Oh, my God," Bellamy said with a soft smile on his face. "Look how big you are."

Octavia hugged him tightly and he buried his face in her hair. I remembered the day my father had arrested her for being born. I knew there was nothing I could have done, but I still felt more useless than ever. Marcus Kane and the rest of the Ark saw them as a bunch of criminals, but all I saw was a family tested by the tribulation of a merciless government and held together by love. Maybe I was a little jealous about that. One heavy blow to my family, and we pretty much fall apart. 

"What the hell are you wearing?" Octavia asked Bellamy, frowning. "A guard’s uniform?"

"I borrowed it to get on the drop ship. Someone’s gotta keep an eye on you."

She hugged him again and he laughed.

"Where’s your wristband?" Clarke asked Bellamy. 

"Do you mind?" Octavia said. "I haven’t seen my brother in a year."

"No one has a brother!" Someone shouted from across the room. 

"That’s Octavia Blake!" A girl said, astounded. "The girl they found hidden under the floor!" 

Octavia’s face contorted with anger and she lunged towards the girl but Bellamy caught her, easily restraining her.

"Let’s give them something else to remember you by," he said.

"Like what?" 

"Like being the first person on the ground in a hundred years." 

Bellamy turned around and put his hand on the lever. This was it. The moment that I had dreamed of my entire life. I knew I could die, but that seemed so insignificant when faced with the possibility that I could really be stepping foot on soil for the first time ever. A smile tugged at my lips and my heart beat in my ears. Everything in my body was buzzing with anticipation. 

The door opened, and all I could see was color. Green grass, green leaves. The sky so blue I wondered if it was real. And flowers that held a breathtaking beauty beyond words. 

Everyone was silent as Octavia walked towards the ground. She jumped down, and I held my breath.

"We’re back, bitches!" Octavia yelled.

Everyone ran forward, pouring out of the ship cheering. I raced with them, but paused as I reached the end of the metal platform. This was it. I took a step forward, and felt my feet sink into the soft soil. I laughed, and took a deep breath. The air was fresh, sweet, unbelievable. I ran my fingers along the trunk of a tree, brushed them across every flower I could see, savoring every new, unfamiliar sensation. Earth was everything I had expected it to be, and so much more. It was wonderful, so incredibly wonderful I had to fight back tears. 

Home. I was finally home. 

After a while, the excitement died down. If I wanted to continue reveling in the beauty of this planet, I needed to make sure I could survive. Mount Weather supposedly had everything we needed to survive, but as I heard from Clarke, we'd been dropped on the wrong mountain and would have to make a trek to get the supplies. Personally, I wasn't up for miles of walking to maybe find something. I had years of earth knowledge stored in my mind that I could finally put to use and maybe be able to feed myself by the end of the day. Of course, that meant I needed something to hunt with. I had practiced throwing knives every once in a while before I was arrested, but the bow and arrow was really where my abilities were most proficient. I mean, I wasn't Robin Hood, but I was probably better than everyone else here. Maybe I would have gone with Clarke and the others to find Mount Weather, but they'd left whilst I was still taking in the planet, so that was out. 

Ignoring the rest of the camp, I set out to find a decent piece of wood to use to fashion into a bow. Or some water. Either would have sufficed and I would have chalked it up as a successful trip. After an hour of wandering around the woods, I finally found a decent enough piece of wood. It was thick and knotted and it wasn't perfect but it would do. 

I quietly made my way back into camp and sat around the backside of the drop ship, where less people would bother me. Shards of metal littered the ground everywhere, all of them suffice for decent knives. Maybe if I whittled the wood for my bow properly, I would be left over with some nice pieces to make into knife handles. Finding string for the bow was going to be the only hard part. If I had to, I would steal someone's boots and take the shoelaces. 

As the sun set, painting the sky with hues of orange and gold, I had finished my bow, much to the delight of the aching muscles in my arms. It took less time than I thought, but perhaps that was because the bow was crude. I had tried carving some decorative lines into the wood to make it look better, but attractiveness wasn't really what I was going for. When I got the string for it, it would work just fine. And I even had the wood for a knife. Just one, though. I slipped the leftover wood into my pocket alongside a shard of metal I would tie together tomorrow. After all the excitement today, I was ready for some sleep. 

Rounding the other side of the drop ship, I immediately wished I was still by myself. In the center of the camp there was a large bonfire, and everyone crowded around it. I caught a glimpse of one of the other delinquents, Murphy I think it was, prying the wristband off of a girl. 

 I shoved my way through the crowd, until I was standing beside Wells. "Hey Wells. Long time no see. What the hell is going on?" 

He seemed a bit taken aback by my greeting, but replied, "They're taking off their wristbands. It's insanity." 

Dread filled my every nerve, weighing me down as if my blood had turned to lead. If everyone took their wristbands off, then everyone on the Ark would think we were dying. 

"Who's in charge of this?" I whispered back to Wells, anger lacing my tone. I was not going to let this continue. I was not going to give up hope on the rest of our people, and I certainly wasn't going to let my father think I was dead. 

Wells pointed to Bellamy, and my rage surged. I stormed up to him, fire in my eyes. "Are you absolutely insane? You're killing us!" 

"No, firecracker, I'm liberating us." 

"Firecracker? What kind of dumb-ass nickname-" I erupted, before catching myself. It was not the point. Instead, I threw Bellamy the darkest, most heated look I could. 

"Alright who's next?" 

"No!" Wells finally shouted, breaking through the crowd. "That's enough. What the hell do you think this is going to accomplish?" 

"It's like I told little miss sunshine here," Bellamy answered, gesturing to me. 

I muttered beneath my breath, "Alright, I think I preferred firecracker." 

"We are achieving liberation!" Bellamy finished. 

"It looks like you’re trying to get us all killed! The communication system is dead. These wristbands are all we’ve got. Take them off and the Ark will think we’re dying, that it’s not safe to follow."

"That’s the point, Chancellor. We can take care of ourselves. Can’t we?"

I scoffed as the crowd cheered. Bellamy smirked at me and my blood boiled over. "You think this is just a game? We can't survive down here alone! Those aren't just our friends and parents up there! They're our doctors, our engineers, our farmers! You really think we can keep going without them?" 

"I know we can," Bellamy retorted, his eyes alight with challenge, one I would gladly take him up on. 

"Why don't you want the rest of our people to come down?" 

"My people already are down," he said. "Those people locked my people up. Those people…killed my mother for the crime of having a second child. Your father did that, Wells. Yours too, Kane." 

I flinched, but didn't back down. My father didn't write the laws, only enforced them. And while I sometimes felt I needed to bear the weight of my father's sins, none of his actions were ever my fault. And Bellamy had no right to make me feel that way. "I am sorry, Bellamy. But you clearly don't want my apologies, nor do you want my sympathy. You only see me as the daughter of your enemy but none of his doings rest on me." 

"I think Kane is starting to get the idea," Bellamy said, and while I thought it was meant to be malicious, his tone was sincere. It caught me off guard to say the least. "Here, there are no laws. Here, we do whatever the hell we want. Whatever the hell we want. Now you don't have to like it Wells. You can even try to stop it, change it, kill me. You know why?" 

"Whatever the hell we want," I whispered beneath my breath, intrigued by the idea. Here, I could make a name for myself, something that would change how everyone viewed me. But I couldn't take off my wristband. If Bellamy truly believed in letting me do whatever the hell I wanted, he would let me keep it on, he would let me reassure my father that I was alive. 

"Whatever the hell we want!" Murphy yelled.

Around me, everyone began chanting the phrase over and over, as if it were the mantra of the camp. Swept up in the chaos of it all, I almost didn't feel the rain on my face. Slowly, I turned my head skywards, and let the water wash over my face, cooling my anger, washing away the sweat and grime. I opened my mouth and let the droplets fall on my tongue. Rain was amazing, just like everything else on this planet. Even though just moments before I had been boiling over with anger, I couldn't stop the awed laugh that escaped my lips. 

Eyes wide with wonder, smile stretching across my face, I turned and stared at Bellamy through the flames of the fire. I considered him a threat, a danger to the mending of the relationship with my father, but in that moment that was not the light I saw him in. He too had joy in his eyes, a glee matched only by my childlike wonder at the glory of the rain. In this moment, we were not enemies. We were two teenagers, standing in the rain, sharing the greatest experience of our lives. 

We were not enemies. We were just two people standing by a fire, under the rain, smiling. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I'm really excited to write this because I myself love Bellamy. I'm going to put a lot of effort into making this as good of quality as I can so you have good stuff to read. This is going to be slow burn, so incredibly slow burn you'll want to rip your hair out and strangle me with it so if you don't like that this probably isn't for you lmao. But otherwise, I hope you all enjoy this!!


	2. Earth Skills

Gentle sunlight woke me the next morning. For the first time in a long time, I had awakened feeling refreshed, without dreading the pointless repetitive events of the day to come. I sat up, relishing in the tranquil feeling. Dew covered the grass beneath me, glistening gently in the morning rays of the sun. Like most everyone else, I had slept outside, beside the ashes of the fire. All our lives we had been confined in a hunk of metal, but now we finally had the chance to sleep beneath the stars like our ancestors had. No one really wanted to spend more time inside the drop ship. 

It wasn’t that early in the morning, but it was early enough that most of the camp was quiet. I figured it was the most opportune time for me to finish putting my weapons together. Finding something for the string of my bow was at the top of my agenda. I was going to steal Bellamy’s shoelace just to spite him, but then I stumbled upon some nylon rope which admittedly, I knew would be much more effective. Less petty, but more practical. Which I supposed was the more important point. 

As the sun rose steadily higher in the cloudless sky, and the camp began to stir, I took a seat beneath a wide tree just on the edge of camp to work in peace. Stringing the bow was much harder than I thought it would be, but after a tedious half hour, I finally had a perfect weapon. I drew it back a few times to test if it would hold. Thankfully, it did, and rather nicely. With the remainder of the nylon, I strung together the piece of metal and the wood to fashion a dagger. 

Just as I finished the last touches on my dagger, a girl approached me. She was definitely one of the younger delinquents, and I wondered what someone so young could have done to wind up in the skybox. 

“Hello,” she greeted me, a nervous smile on her face. “I’m Charlotte.” 

“Hey,” I replied, turning back to my weapons. “I’m Y/n.”

“What’re you doing?” 

“I am making a bow and arrow.” I held up the bow and pulled the string back, making a  _ phsss  _ sound with my lips, mimicking firing an arrow. It seemed to delight Charlotte, and I smiled. Maybe I did have a chance at meeting someone decent. “Now, I just need to find some wood for the actual arrows.” 

“I can help,” Charlotte offered. “I’ve got nothing better to do.” 

I shrugged. Wandering deeper into the woods with a quiet kid was better than sitting here and letting someone infuriating like Bellamy come bother me. “Sure, why not?” 

Together, we set off through the trees and by early afternoon, not only did I have a full quiver worth of arrows, but I also had made a new friend. As the day wore on, I sat under the shade of a willow tree perfecting my arrows and making sure none of them would fly at an awkward angle. I even managed to teach Charlotte how to shoot a few rounds. While not the best, she did show promise. I would have liked to keep teaching her, but she had clearly grown weary, so I sent her back to rest. 

After firing a few more rounds alone, I began to bore and decided to head back within the camp. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. Maybe talk to Charlotte. Along the way, I didn’t really have to make up my mind because I ran right into Wells. He was carrying some clothes in his arms. 

“Where’d you get those?” I asked him, slinging my bow over my shoulder. 

“I buried the boys that died when the dropship landed,” Wells said, his voice heavy. I maybe could have guessed that had I taken a closer look at the layer of dirt over his hands and boots. Guilt washed over me. He shouldn’t have had to do that alone. 

I put what I hoped was a comforting hand on his shoulder. “You could have come and found me. I would have liked to help.” 

Wells smiled, a genuine smile that lifted my spirits. “Thanks.” 

“Of course. We are still friends, aren’t we?” 

He nodded. “Yeah.” 

Walking into the midst of camp with a lighter heart, I managed to feel as good as I had that first magical moment when I’d stepped out of the drop ship. Of course, the feeling was crushed immediately the moment Atom approached us. Not that I had anything against the kid, but I just knew in that moment he was going to annoy me. 

“Hey!” He shouted. “Where’d you get those clothes?” 

“Buried the two kids who died during landing,” Wells explained, turning to face Atom. Beside me, he tensed. 

Atom nodded. “Smart. I’ll take it from here.” 

I narrowed my eyes, and my fingers itched to grab my bow.  _ Not yet _ . 

As Atom tried to take the clothes from Wells, I stepped in between them. “No. We share based on need.” 

“Just like back home,” Wells added. 

As I stared down Atom with fire in my eyes, Bellamy picked that moment to walk out of his tent, shirtless. I’ll admit, it caught me off guard for a moment. For the amount of grief he gave me, I couldn’t deny that he  _ was  _ rather attractive. Really attractive. Super, incredibly-

_ Get a hold of yourself _ , I chided. 

“You still don’t get it do you, Chancellor?” Bellamy scoffed, and then took the moment to kiss whoever he was going down on a minute before. I rolled my eyes. “This is home now. The laws on the Ark no longer apply.” 

Then he turned to me, an eyebrow raised. “Why the slackjaw, firecracker? Like what you see?” 

I hadn’t realized that I’d been staring so intently. Refusing to be humiliated, I squared my shoulders and glared at him. “Don’t flatter yourself.” 

He chuckled and shook his head. I hardened my glare, which only prompted him to step up to Wells and take one of the shirts from him. Wells lunged at him, jumping on the opportunity before me, but Atom held him back. 

“Oh, no, no, Atom,” Bellamy protested with a smirk. “Atom, hold up.”

Atom let Wells go and Bellamy stepped towards him.

“You want it back?” Bellamy said, holding up the shirt. “Take it.”

“Really?” I scoffed. “What are you, five?”

They ignored me completely and stared each other down for a few seconds. Then, Wells turned and dropped the rest of the clothes, unperturbed by the people who scrambled to pick them up. “Is this really what you want?” Wells accused. “Chaos?” 

“What’s wrong with a little chaos?” Bellamy answered, slipping his shirt back on. Part of me was a bit disappointed, and I hated to admit that. I also hated to admit that while I was on Wells’ side, I also saw Bellamy’s point. Sometimes a little chaos could be fun, right? Of course I was never gonna let him know I agreed. 

Before I could dwell on my thoughts any longer, a girl’s scream echoed throughout the camp. Instinct kicked in, and I completely forgot about the standoff between Bellamy and Wells. All that was on my mind was someone was in trouble and I had to do something to help. Why I had a martyr complex I had no idea. Maybe because I couldn’t save my mother from the illness that took her so I tried to honor her by saving everyone I could. Or maybe I just really like the adrenaline rush. Probably both, if I was being honest. 

I stopped running when I reached the source of the scream. Murphy was holding a girl over the fire, her face covered in a sheen of sweat and her eyes filled with terror. 

“Bellamy!” Murphy called, clearly proud of himself. “Check it out! We want the Ark to think that the ground is killing us right? Figured it was better if we suffered a bit first.” 

Blood boiling, I marched up to Murphy and shoved him away from the girl. Before he could even think about retaliating, I nocked one of my freshly sharpened arrows and aimed it at his head. Wells stood beside me, an anger to match my own emanating from him in waves I could almost see. 

“You can stop this!” He said to Bellamy. 

“Stop this? I’m just getting started.” 

I tore my eyes away from Murphy to glare at Bellamy, and in that split second, he lunged at Wells. I sidestepped out of the way to avoid being pushed in the fire. The gathering crowd cheered as Murphy and Wells began throwing punches at each other. I stood idly by, unable to aim properly without knowing for sure I would hit Murphy and not Wells. 

“Don’t you see you can’t control this?” Wells pleaded desperately, when he finally was able to catch a break from the fight. 

I kept my eyes trained on Murphy now that the two were separated, and once more nocked an arrow as I saw him draw a knife from his jacket. I glared at him, and spat, with vehemence lining my words, “Put it away, Murphy. This is over. Everyone find something else to entertain yourselves.” 

“Ah, come on, firecracker,” Bellamy said behind me. “You’re ruining all the fun.” 

I spun around so fast I almost lost the rest of my arrows to the flames. Fury sparked in my eyes as I aimed the arrow at Bellamy, fueled even more by the amusement in his eyes. It was as if he wasn’t taking me seriously. “We have very different ideas of fun, Blake. I don’t particularly enjoy murder. Although I’m not perverse to shooting you in the arm.” 

He chuckled, and held my raging stare. I was so focused on him, and deciding whether or not I would really follow through with shooting him, that I didn’t notice Murphy charging at me. Before I could register what was happening, I was on the ground, my arrow snapped in two, and Murphy was on top of me. 

Murphy clamped his hands around my neck and the air slowly stopped coming. As my chest burned, I reached up and tried to pry his fingers from my neck, but his grip was too tight. I was not going to go out without a fight, and if I had to take him down with me, I would. I reached into my pocket and the hilt of my blade found its way into my palm. Just as I reached up to stab him, he was off of me. 

The oxygen flowed back into my lungs and I gasped. Wells helped me up, and I leaned on him until I stopped seeing black spots in my eyes. Much to my surprise, Bellamy was holding Murphy back. I guess he didn’t want me dead after all. Not that I really wanted him dead either, but that was also something he didn’t have to know. 

Silence fell over us, filled only with our heaving breaths and heated glares. 

“What the hell is going on?” 

At the sound of Clarke’s voice, we all snapped our attention to her. The others followed closely behind her, Monty helping Octavia. Yesterday, they had all left to find the food and supplies at Mount Weather that Chancellor Jaha promised. I didn’t need a keen eye to tell that they had returned empty handed. 

Bellamy released Murphy and raced to Octavia, taking Monty’s place in supporting her. “Are you alright?” 

She nodded, but the limp in her leg said otherwise. 

“Where’s the food?” I asked, trying to ignore the painful emptiness of my stomach. 

“We didn’t make it to Mount Weather,” Clarke said, a wild terror in her eyes that made me uncomfortable. 

I exchanged a glance with Wells. “Why...Why not? What happened?”

“We were attacked.” 

My heart lurched, and worry hooked deep into my heart when I noticed Jasper wasn’t with them. What if something horrible happened? I’d finally just learned his name! Not that  _ that  _ was the real issue with him being missing. 

“Attacked?” Bellamy grunted. “By what?” 

“Not what,” Clarke replied. “Who.” 

Heart pounding, I gripped so tight to Wells’s arm that he winced. I mumurmed a sorry and let go. 

“Turns out,” Finn added, “when the last man from the ground died on the Ark, he wasn’t the last Grounder.” 

“Are you telling us there’s people out there?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady. I wouldn’t show fear, not around all these people who already saw me as a joke. Even so, I couldn’t help the cold, spindly fingers of fear wrapping around my throat. “And they’re hostile?” 

Clarke nodded grimly. For lack of Wells’ arm, I gripped tight to my bow in an effort to calm my rapid pulse. This changed everything. We weren’t safe here. I had gone into the woods with a twelve year old girl to find sticks and shoot arrows and we very well could have died. Shit, if she had died, I don’t know that I could handle that. She was just a kid. I mean, we all were, but she wasn’t even a teenager. 

“Everything we thought we knew about the ground is wrong,” Clarke dictated. “There are people here. Survivors. The good news is that means we can survive too. Radiation won’t kill us.” 

“Yeah, the bad news is the Grounders will,” Finn added, making absolutely no one feel better. “Where’s Jasper?” I finally asked. 

“Jasper was hit. They took him,” Clarke answered, her face turning dark. And then her eyes fell upon Wells’ wrist. I followed her gaze and couldn’t believe I hadn’t caught the lack of a wristband before. “Where’s your wristband?” 

“Ask him,” Wells growled, nodding his head at Bellamy. 

“How many?” 

“Twenty-four and counting,” Murphy exulted. My fingers curled into fists at the sight of his bloody face and knuckles. He deserved it and so much worse. A stinging sensation pulled me from my thoughts and I glanced down. Crescents of blood stung my palms at the fault of my nails. I exhaled slowly and released my fists. 

“You idiots!” Clarke exclaimed. “Life support on the Ark is failing!”

I inhaled sharply. That didn’t excuse the ruthlessness of my father, but now it made sense. And I couldn’t help the pang of worry. I truly didn’t want him to die, not up there in space, alone, thinking that I don’t love him. 

“That’s why they brought us down here,” Clarke confirmed. “They need to know the ground is survivable again and we need their help against whoever is out there. If you take off your wristbands, you’re not just killing them! You’re killing us.”

Grim resignation fell over me as I thought about my father. I would not let anyone else take off their wristbands, and I would not let anyone bully me into taking mine off. Not if it meant my father would die. 

Apparently, but unsurprisingly, Bellamy felt differently. 

“We’re stronger than you think!” He addressed the nervous crowd, who murmured in agreement. How naive could they be? “Don’t listen to her. She’s one of the privileged. If they come down, she’ll have it good. How many of you can say the same? We can take care of ourselves! That wristband on your arm, it makes you a prisoner. We are not prisoners anymore! They say they’ll forgive your crimes. I say you’re not criminals! You’re fighters. Survivors. The Grounders should worry about us!”

Everyone cheered, but I couldn’t help the angry, bewildered laugh that escaped my lips. 

“Something funny, firecracker?” 

“No, not funny, Blake,” I spat. “Insane. You’re all incredibly naive to think that we stand a chance against people who have been on this land for decades, if not more. We have no food, no water, and a bunch of shitty makeshift knives! They know how to navigate the land, how to fight, and most importantly they know how to survive. We don’t.” 

“We’ll learn.” 

I huffed, which only amused him. “It will be too late. We need the Ark! But nothing is going to be so black and white when they get here. We can keep doing whatever the hell we want! They can’t float us for disagreeing with them down here. We could build something new, something that’s fair to everyone. Do you really want to start our new lives with a mass genocide?”

For an interminable moment, we stared at each other. I thought maybe I had reached him, but I was wrong. 

“If that’s what it takes to be free, then yes.” 

My face hardened. “You would let all our people die to live in anarchy? See how free your soul is after the fact hits you. See if anyone will care that you’re collapsing beneath the burden.” 

I couldn’t believe the words coming out of my mouth, but I was just so infuriated. Bellamy and I would never get along, so what did I care if I struck a nerve with him? What did I care if anything at all happened to him?

Fuming, I stormed away from the camp to the recluse of the willow tree I’d made my unofficial hideout. I fired my arrows over and over until my fingers were raw, and my muscles aching. Finally cooled down, I lay down beneath the shade of the tree and took a few deep breaths.

“Hey,” Clarke and Wells approached me just as I decided to close my eyes and take a quick nap. “We’ve been looking for you.” 

“Why?” I came off a little more gruff than I meant, but at least I wasn’t ready to shoot the next person that spoke to me anymore. “What’s up?” 

“We want you to help us find Jasper,” Wells explained. “You’re good with a bow, you have a good eye.” 

“And an incredibly sunny disposition,” input another, slowly approaching, whose voice I would unfortunately recognize anywhere. 

I groaned. “No, I’m not going if he’s coming.” 

Bellamy reached the rest of us, an irritating smirk plastered on his face. “Aw, what’s the matter sunshine? Can’t handle me?” 

“Oh I can handle you just fine,” I snapped. “And don’t call me sunshine.” 

“Well it’s sunshine or firecracker, so take your pick.” 

I rolled my eyes. “Firecracker is less patronizing, so that one, if you really must.” 

Clarke raised an eyebrow, and I got to my feet. “Bellamy is coming because he has a gun. But you are who we really need.” 

I shot Bellamy a venomous glare. “Aw, you hear that? I’m the one that matters. Yes, I’m coming. Let’s go, no time to waste.” 

I gathered my bow and arrows and pushed past Bellamy, being sure to bump him in the shoulder as aggressively as possible. Marching forward, I heard him chuckle, which of course, I ignored. 

* * *

 

Clarke, Wells, Bellamy, Murphy, and I marched out of the camp on a mission to find Jasper. I had waved a goodbye to my new friend Charlotte before I left, and I was sure to think of her so I wouldn’t kill Bellamy on this mission. Or Murphy for that matter. 

My thoughts carried me at a quick pace, nearly matching Clarke’s rush. Adrenaline kept me from lagging, my worries always focused on the ever-present threat of the Grounders. I couldn’t bring myself to enjoy the astounding scenery, even though I desperately wanted to, if anything just to take my mind off of all the fear. 

“Hey, hold up!” Bellamy said after a while, gun in hand. “What’s the rush? You don’t survive a spear through the heart.”

“Put the gun away, Bellamy!” Wells growled. 

Murphy grabbed Wells by his shirt.

“Why don’t you do something about it?”

“Jasper screamed when they moved him,” Clarke answered Bellamy, ignoring Murphy and Wells. “If the spear struck his heart, he would’ve died instantly.”

Bellamy seized Clarke’s wrist. “As soon as you take this wristband off, we can keep going. You too, firecracker.” 

“Over my dead body,” I scoffed. 

“That can be arranged,” Murphy muttered behind me, to which I responded with having an arrow aimed at his heart in half a second. He held up his hands in surrender and I returned my arrow to the quiver. 

“The only way the Ark will think we’re dead is if we’re dead,” Clarke said, her eyes flashing with challenge. “Got it?” 

“Oh, brave princess,” Bellamy mocked.

A branch cracked behind us and we turned around to see Finn had joined us. Though Clarke’s face was blank, the relief and joy in her eyes was undeniable. 

“Why don’t you find your own nickname?” Finn said. “You call this a rescue party? Gotta split up, cover more ground. Clarke, come with me.” 

They headed off, and I caught the longing gaze Wells directed at Clarke’s retreating figure. A wave of pity washed over me, and I wished I could give him a more proper comfort than just a hand on the shoulder. 

“We should split up as well,” Wells suggested, tearing his eyes away from Clarke. “Y/n-” 

“Will come with me,” Bellamy interrupted. “Ain’t that right, firecracker?”

I shot him a glare. “Not to be dramatic, but I would literally rather die.” 

He chuckled. “What, scared I’ll take off your wristband?” 

I let out a long, exasperated sigh. “No. You’d have an arrow through your eye before you could try. Fine, whatever. Let’s go. Wells, if Murphy tries anything, let me know and I will send an arrow through his eye too.” 

Wells offered me a weak smile, and the other two headed off together, none too pleased. 

Bellamy and I walked in silence for a while, both of us fighting to take the lead. While normally I wasn’t one to back down from a challenge, I finally relented, and just followed in his footsteps so I could put my actual tracking skills to use. 

In the fresh mud from the rain of the night before, I caught signs of some animal tracks. It was good to know that there were animals around, animals that I could hunt. At the thought of that, my stomach grumbled. Instinctively, I looked around for some sort of food to eat, to satiate my ravenous hunger for a little while. 

As if the universe had read my mind, I caught a glimpse of some raspberry bushes just ahead. Overcome with greedy excitement, I pushed past Bellamy and pulled some of the red berries from the bushes and popped them in my mouth. The sweet juice exploded on my tongue and I smiled in ecstasy. 

“Here, have some,” I offered Bellamy, presenting a handful of the berries to him, completely forgetting my feud with him for the moment. 

He raised an eyebrow. “What are they?” 

I laughed, smiling genuinely at his confusion. Some part of me told me to stop, that I shouldn’t be enjoying my time with Bellamy. But I ignored that. “Raspberries, you dork. They’re amazing.” 

Hesitantly, he accepted my offer. When he tasted them, he too smiled. “How’d you know what these are?” 

I shrugged, pretty much cleaning out the entire bush. “I had a lot of time in my cell. And I loved my earth skills class. I dunno. I’ve just always been fascinated with going to the ground. It’s still hard to believe I’m actually down here, honestly.” 

“I think it’s hard for all of us to believe,” Bellamy agreed. “And it’s so far beyond anything I could have imagined.” 

I laughed softly. “Yeah, I thought the same thing when we first landed. Earth is so amazing.” 

I closed my eyes and turned my head to the sky. Sunshine warmed my face, something I never thought I would feel. When I opened my eyes again, I found Bellamy staring at me, with an amused twinkle in his eyes. But it wasn’t that infuriating kind that had bothered me before. It was a genuine, gentle amusement. 

I turned back to the bushes to grab some more berries, but found something even more wondrous. A fluorescent butterfly with vibrant, colorful wings landed on the top of the bush, gently fluttering its wings. My smile stretched even wider as I stretched out my finger to it. Much to my surprise, it walked right onto it. 

Laughing lightly, I turned back to Bellamy. I whispered to him, full of awe, “Look.” 

Bellamy stepped closer to me, and held out his finger to mine. The butterfly lumbered across from my finger to his. He smiled too, and it was sweet. It was so unlike anything I’d seen in him before. And then the butterfly flew away, leaving me and Bellamy staring at each other, the tips of our fingers touching. 

Embarrassed, I pulled away, exhaling slowly and started back down the path. “You know, my mother would have loved it here.” 

Bellamy chuckled softly. “Mine too.” 

I glanced back at him, studying him. How could I have missed this side of him, this side I enjoyed being around? 

“You know, I remember your mother. She worked alongside mine,” Bellamy said. “Really wonderful woman. How is it that she ended up with your father? What went wrong there?” 

Ah, right. I missed that side, because it doesn’t exist. My fingers curled into fists again, and I glared at him. “Don’t talk about my father.” 

I picked up my pace, storming ahead. Bellamy’s obnoxious laughter followed behind me. 

“Oh come on, firecracker! I was just teasing.” 

I ignored him and instead turned my attention to the others who we joined up with again. Neither of us mentioned the berries, or the butterfly. I could hardly believe I had just been amicable with him minutes before. It seemed so unreal that I could have gotten along with the exasperating man walking beside me. 

“Hey, how do we know this is the right way?” Murphy complained after we’d walked for a while.

“We don’t,” Bellamy answered. “The spacewalker thinks he’s a tracker.”

“The spacewalker was the about only one who saw that broken branch back there,” I snapped. “How about you shut up until you learn to have a keen eye?” 

“It’s called cutting sign,” Wells added, in an effort to back me up. “Fourth year Earth skills. He’s good.”

“You wanna keep it down or should I paint a target on our backs?” Finn whispered.

He stopped as we neared yet another broken twig and knelt.

“Is that blood?” I asked, leaning over his shoulder. 

Finn nodded. “Seems we’re on-” 

A loud moan interrupted him, echoing from deep into the woods.

“What the hell was that?” Murphy asked. 

“Now would be a good time to take out that gun,” Clarke suggested. “And that bow.” 

I nocked an arrow and followed behind everyone else as we headed towards the moans. Absolutely nothing could have prepared me for what I saw when we finally reached the source. 

“Jasper,” Clarke gasped.

He was shirtless, tied with vines to an ancient tree in the middle of a clearing. There wasn’t anyone in sight, but it was obvious the Grounders had put him there. Dried blood stained Jasper’s chest, though the hole where he’d been pierced was covered with some sort of salve. The whole scene was eerie. I shivered. 

“Oh my God, Jasper,” Clarke repeated. “Jasper!”

I let the others continue to take the lead, being sure to watch their backs and scan the area for Grounders, or anything else that might set its sights on killing us. 

“The hell is this?” Bellamy said, overlapped by Clarke screaming. I spun around, ready to fire an arrow, but she’d only fallen into a pit and Bellamy had pulled her up. Again, I exhaled slowly to try and slow the pounding in my chest. 

“You okay?” Finn asked Clarke.

“Yeah. We need to get him down.”

“I’ll climb up there and cut the vines,” Finn offered.

“Yeah, I’m with you,” Wells said.

“No. Stay with Clarke,” Finn ordered, before glancing at Bellamy. “And watch him.”

“There’s a poultice on his wound,” Clarke noted. 

“Medicine?” Wells asked. “Why would they save his life just to string him as live bait?”

“Maybe what they’re trying to catch likes its dinner breathing,” Bellamy input.

“Maybe what they’re trying to catch is us,” Finn added.

“Not comforting, guys,” I muttered, keeping my eyes and bow trained on the woods. “Just get him down so we can get the hell out of here.” 

Murphy climbed the tree with Finn and they began working on the vines around Jasper. They had been up in the tree for a few minutes when a strange noise came from the bushes. I whirled around, aiming for the source. 

“What the hell was that?” 

“Grounders?” Wells whispered, his voice lined with fear. 

I caught a glimpse of something moving in the woods and it became clear pretty quick that it wasn’t a Grounder. Although, the alternative wasn’t better. I froze as I saw the black panther creeping around the clearing, crouched to the ground. This is what Jasper was bait for, and we were likely just as good. 

Before the panther could pounce, I fired the arrow I’d had drawn for the last few minutes. I silently applauded myself as it sunk into the panther’s hind leg. It was a short celebration, as that only seemed to anger the animal. It growled and lunged towards us. 

“Bellamy!” Clarke yelled, distressed. “GUN!” 

Nocking another arrow, I turned my gaze to Bellamy, who reached for his waistband, to find that his gun was gone. A shot rang out, one after the other, from Wells’ hand, only one actually hitting the panther as it disappeared back into the bushes. We all waited, tense, to see if it would come back. In a split second, the panther leaped out, heading straight for Bellamy. Without hesitation, I let my arrow fly, and this time it landed true, right in the heart. The panther fell to the ground, dead. 

Panting, I slowly lowered my arm. Energy buzzed in my veins as I met Bellamy’s wild gaze. It was fading, but I sensed the terror there. He was scared he was going to die, and to me, that made him much more human. Everything about him today, made him a little more human. 

We all stood in silence, hearts racing. Finally, Jasper moaned and broke the spell. As Finn and Murphy finished cutting the vines, I approached the panther. I knelt and yanked my arrows out. I wiped them on the grass and returned them to the quiver. 

“Good shot,” Bellamy complimented. “You really could be Robin Hood, huh?” 

I offered him a half-hearted smile. “Yeah, I like to think so. Listen, we should take this back to camp. Everyone’s going to bed on a full stomach tonight.” 

The boys managed to bring Jasper safely down from the tree and used Wells’ parachute to carry the panther. It was a long walk but our success made it seem easy. As we finally reached camp, Clarke set off to help Jasper. 

Only a couple other people had the knowledge of skinning game, so I put myself to use helping them and teaching others, so we had more than enough people skilled in taking care of meat. I took the bones so I could use them for arrows, and relaxed as the meat roasted over the fire. The savory scent of it made my mouth water.

I closed my eyes, just for a second, letting exhaustion take over. Resting for just a while wouldn’t hurt, and when I woke up, the meat would be done and everything would be fine. Unfortunately, only the former was true. 

When I opened my eyes again, I was met with an infuriating scene. Everyone was standing patiently in line, waiting to get their share of the meat, at the cost of removing their wristbands. To no one’s surprise, Bellamy and Murphy were running the whole thing. 

“What the hell is this?” I demanded, approaching Bellamy. 

“Hey there, firecracker!”  He grinned. “Want some food?” 

“You’re despicable,” I snarled. “I thought you hated the Ark. And yet here you are, sanctioning people just because they don’t agree with you. Maybe we should call you Chancellor.” 

He flinched, and I took a poisonous satisfaction in that. I stared him down, unwavering, challenge flickering in my eyes. Daring him to dispute me, I grabbed two sticks of meat - one for Charlotte who I’d find later.

“You saved my life,” he conceded. “I’ll let you off just this once.” 

“Well,” I fumed, “happy birthday to me.” 

I stormed off, but I could feel Bellamy’s eyes burning into my back. Yes, it was my birthday. Yes, he made it awful. And yet, he made it one of the best I’ve ever had. Maybe it was the elation of being on earth, but those gentle minutes in the forest, eating berries with him was all I ever could have hoped for in a birthday. And while he ruined the night, at least the day wasn’t terrible. 

And one thing was for sure. No matter what, Bellamy would never get my wristband. Never. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're all enjoying! And happy new year!


	3. Earth Kills

The next morning was not as peaceful. Jasper’s moans of pain kept most people from a good night’s sleep.  Irritation swelled throughout the camp and everyone kept wishing for him to die. Anyone who said that within earshot of me got a sharp glare that shut them up. Everyone’s life mattered down here, and I wasn’t going to let anyone try to kill Jasper just because they were annoyed. I didn’t like hearing it either, but I wasn’t going to hurt him. We may not have been friends, but I liked the kid and hoped for a friendship in the future. 

Charlotte had screamed all through the night. Nightmares plagued us all, but I wasn’t sure anyone had it worse than her. I had tried to be as comforting as possible, sleeping near her, singing to her when she awoke in terror. I wished there was more I could do for her, but everyone had their own battles to fight, and whatever haunted her, Charlotte would have to fix herself. I could hold her hand, but I couldn’t banish her demons, as much as I wanted to.

I glanced over at her sleeping figure again. While she wasn’t at peace, it was the calmest she’d been in a while. I figured maybe I could leave her alone and bring back something to eat. Maybe that would make her feel better for a while. Everyone else too. Morale was really down around the camp. Food had never failed to lift my spirits in the past, so I hoped that worked here too. 

Of course, just as I set off to hunt, none other than the thorn in my side, Bellamy Blake, joined up, along with a few others.

“Will the universe never spare me some peace?” I muttered as we headed out into the woods. 

Bellamy grinned. “Where’s the fun in that, firecracker?” 

“I maintain my sanity and you get to keep your head,” I retorted, but there wasn’t so much heat behind my words today. A smile even tugged at the corners of my lips. I forced it to disappear. 

We didn’t talk again, trying to stay silent in hopes of finding something to hunt. With a stroke of luck, we stumbled upon a wild boar. I crouched low to the ground and silently nocked an arrow. Bellamy put a hand on his shoulder and raised his hatchet. 

“She’s mine.” 

I rolled my eyes, but reluctantly I returned my arrow to the quiver. Men. 

Just as he was about to throw the weapon at the boar, a snap echoed from behind us. On instinct, I drew an arrow in a split second, but Bellamy reacted faster, hurling his hatchet in the direction of the sound. It lodged into a tree, and thankfully not into the source of the snap. 

“Charlotte!” I exclaimed, a combination of anger and relief washing over me. “Oh my God!” 

Terror was plastered on her face. “Sorry.” 

I was livid, but not at her. I whirled on Bellamy, practically breathing fire. “Are you insane?! You could have killed her!” 

Bellamy opened his mouth in protest, but I didn’t care to hear what he had to say. All my attention was on Charlotte now. “Are you okay? What are you doing out here?” 

She looked down at the ground. “I woke up and couldn’t take the dying boy’s screams anymore. I had to get away.” 

I nodded, and pulled her into a hug. “Well you can come hunt with us, if that will help, yeah?” 

She smiled. 

“There are Grounders out there,” Atom said, clearly not convinced. “It’s too dangerous for a little girl.”

“I’m not little,” Charlotte responded, conviction in her voice. I smiled proudly. 

“You heard her,” I challenged everyone else in the group. “She’s my prodigy, you know. One of these days she might even show up me.” 

“Oh, I dunno about that,” Bellamy mused. I couldn’t tell if that was supposed to be a compliment or not. “You ever killed anything, Charlotte?”

She shook her head. 

“Who knows?” Bellamy smiled. “Maybe you’re good at it. Here, take this.”

He handed her a knife and she took it, blushing. It wasn’t a bad one either. Sharpened with care, no doubt by Bellamy himself. I stuck my hand in my pocket where my own knife resided. Just to make sure I didn’t accidentally stab myself in the stomach, I pulled it out and stuck it in my boot. Also not the safest measure, but it was better my foot than my organs. 

The boar had scampered off, so now our job got a lot harder. And, to top it off, a horn echoed throughout the trees. We all exchanged concerned glances. Immediately, I thought perhaps it was a Grounder war cry, but that theory was debunked right away. Around us, the air thickened. Birds flew all at once in the same direction. It became clear why when a yellow fog seeped through the trees approaching us at a steady pace. 

Nervous energy exploded in my veins. I took a few steps back, and eyed the fog suspiciously. As it creeped ever closer, my lungs began to burn. Without another thought, I grabbed Charlotte’s hand and raced away from the fog. Bellamy ran beside us, taking Charlotte’s other hand, and she practically flew between our speeds. 

“In here!” Bellamy shouted, as we approached some caves. I shoved Charlotte through the narrow opening first, and Bellamy followed us close behind. Just as we stumbled into the cool, dark cave, the yellow fog passed by the opening. 

Panting, I took a seat on the smooth stone, and leaned my head against the wall. My skin burned a little from the fog which I could only assume was acidic, but otherwise I was fine. Bellamy had gotten the worst of it, but even he seemed alright.

We’d lost the others in the woods. I hoped everyone else was alright. Especially Atom, for Bellamy’s sake. They were friends, and I knew Bellamy didn’t have many of those. Followers, maybe, but not friends. 

“How long do we have to stay here?” Charlotte asked, as I helped her try to get as comfortable as she could on rock. 

I sighed, putting my jacket around her shoulders. I knew I would be cold later, but it was better me than her. “I don’t know. But we’re safe in here, alright? We can just sleep the night away and go home in the morning.” 

Charlotte smiled softly and hugged my jacket tight. “Thanks, Y/n.”

I ruffled my hand through her hair. “Anytime, Charlotte.”

“Will you tell me a story?” She asked, when I turned away. 

I shrugged, trying to ignore the intrigued look on Bellamy’s face. “Uh, yeah. Sure.” 

For the rest of the afternoon, I spun tales of far away lands, of sorcery and treasure, of love and adventure. It was like I was writing in my notebook again, and I felt my heart soar. My soul was lighter than it had been in a long time. I hadn’t realized how much I missed the art of storytelling. And Charlotte’s adoration only made my smile grow. Words rolled off my tongue like magic, and by the time night finally fell, Charlotte had been lulled into sleep. 

Exhausted, but content, I leaned back against the rock. For a while, I sat there in silence, waiting for sleep to come, and then I finally couldn’t bear Bellamy’s staring anymore. 

“What?” I said, locking gaze with him. 

He shrugged. “You’re a very good storyteller. Very melodic. I’ve never heard anything like it.” 

I felt heat rise in my cheeks against my will. “Thanks. I always had a wild imagination, and learned to tell stories as an escape.” 

“Escape?” He snorted, turning his eyes down to the floor. “I never would have thought one of the privileged would need an escape.” 

I sighed, too tired to get angry at his remark. “With my father being my father, of course I’d need an escape. Everyone who was mad at him made my life hell. I don’t know if that was to make my father feel worse, or just because I was an easy target and it made them feel better. Trust me, you may have seen me as privileged, but my life was not easy.” 

“I’m sorry,” Bellamy said, his voice soft. “Why do you insist on keeping your wristband on then?” 

Idly, I ran my fingers across the item in question. “Because I still love my father. He’s my family, and I can’t let him think he’s all alone. I can’t do that to him. Or myself.” 

“You shouldn’t keep blaming yourself for his wrongdoings.” 

I brushed some dirt from my knee. Bitterness took over. “Why not? Everyone else does. You do.”

Bellamy didn’t say anything, but when he glanced up at me I swore I caught a fleeting remorse in his eyes. I couldn’t be sure, and I didn’t ask. Neither of us spoke for a while. I didn’t mind the silence. Maybe he’d think about what I said, and ease up on the wristbands. Ease up on me. After a while, I yawned. 

“Tired?” 

I nodded. “Exhausted. And cold.” 

“That’s your own fault for taking off your jacket.” 

I glanced over at Charlotte who wasn’t shivering like I was. “Oh fuck off. Better me than her. Excuse me for caring about someone other than myself.” 

He chuckled and sat right next to me. I raised an eyebrow. “That’s okay. Gives me a chance to try out this trick.” 

Bellamy fake yawned and stretched, then dropped his arm over my shoulders. He grinned and I rolled my eyes. I was not going to give him the satisfaction of letting him know that I enjoyed that. Instead of welcoming his warmth, I slid away from him and took a spot closer to Charlotte on the floor. 

“Oh, come on firecracker,” Bellamy joked. “Not impressed?” 

I threw him a teasing glare. “Sorry Blake. You’re gonna have to try a lot harder than that to get into my pants.” 

Immediately after the words passed my lips, my cheeks grew hot with embarrassment. It was only a joke, but I couldn’t help feeling a little awkward. To avoid his reaction, I closed my eyes and lay down on the cold stone. 

“Goodnight,” I murmured. 

“Goodnight.” 

 

Screaming woke me a few hours later. My head snapped up, adrenaline pounding, ready for a fight. But it was only Charlotte, terrified from her nightmares. I sat up, Bellamy right next to me. Maybe that’s why I hadn’t gotten frostbite. He’d slept close enough to me to keep me warm. 

I shook my head from those thoughts, and instead turned my attention to Charlotte. She was shaking under my jacket. Gently, I touched her arm.

“Charlotte,” I whispered. “Wake up.” 

Her eyes snapped open, and she immediately apologized for waking us. 

“Does that happen often?” Bellamy asked her. “What are you scared of?” 

She stared at her hands, staying silent. Bellamy shot me a pleading look but I only shrugged. I couldn’t help him. I didn’t know what her nightmares were about.

“You know what?” Bellamy consoled. “It doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is what you do about it.”

“But I’m asleep.”

“Fears are fears. Slay your demons when you’re awake, they won’t be there to get you when you sleep.” 

“How?” 

“You can’t afford to be weak. Down here, weakness is death. Fear is death.”

_ Comforting.  _

Charlotte looked at him pensively. I was surprised that he had such a way with kids. But then, he had helped his little sister. 

“Let me see that knife I gave you.” Bellamy held out his hand and Charlotte gave it to him. He smiled at her. “Now, when you feel afraid, you hold tight to that knife and you say screw you. I’m not afraid.”

He gave her the knife back, and Charlotte gripped the hilt tight, repeating his words in a small voice. 

“Try again,” I said, putting a comforting hand on her knee. “Stronger.” 

Charlotte repeated the words, stronger, more confidently. I smiled. 

“Slay your demons, kid,” Bellamy said. “Then you’ll be able to sleep.” 

Charlotte fell back asleep, holding tight to the knife. 

I shifted my position and Bellamy scooted farther away from me. 

“Sorry,” he coughed out. “I-” 

“Did you hear me say you had to move?” I replied, drowsiness taking hold once more. I lay back down on the ground, my eyelids growing heavier by the second. “I don’t bite.” 

“No, but you do move around a lot in your sleep.” Bellamy replied, returning to his spot beside me. “Like a lot.” 

I closed my eyes, and murmured, “Then put up with it, Blake. I won’t make anyone’s life easier. Especially yours.” 

“You got that right,” he chuckled. But he lay down next to me anyway, and I fell back asleep, warm, safe, and content. 

 

In the morning, sunlight woke us from our surprisingly tranquil slumbers. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and sat up, taking in the fresh morning air whistling into the cave. I guessed that meant the fog had passed. 

Bellamy and Charlotte roused rather quickly, and after a few stretches, we stepped out of the cave. 

“Anybody out here?” Bellamy shouted. “Jones?” 

“We’re here!” Jones replied, stepping through the trees towards us with the two others in the group whose names I hadn’t yet learned. They all looked unharmed, so that was a plus.

“Lost you in the fog,” Bellamy apologized. “Where’d you go?” 

“Made it to a cave not too far away. What the hell was that?” 

“Acid fog,” I input. “I think.” 

The others nodded in agreement, because really it was the only thing that made sense, bizarre as it was. 

“Where’s Atom?” Bellamy asked, scanning the surrounding area. No one responded. “Split up. We need to find him.” 

Charlotte and I stuck with Bellamy as we hunted around the trees searching for any sign of Atom. We were silent until we fell a little behind Charlotte, and I took the chance to speak. 

“Thank you,” I said. “For what you did last night.” 

“What, let you sleep next to me?” He teased. 

I punched him in the shoulder. “First of all, if anything,  _ I  _ let  _ you  _ sleep next to me. Secondly, I meant for what you did with Charlotte. I never knew how to reach her.” 

Bellamy shrugged it off. “Yeah, well. Octavia used to have nightmares too. Obviously, we couldn’t have her screaming in her sleep every night.”

He said it so casually, which bothered me. That wasn’t a cheerful memory, something much more personal. Were we on that level now? Sharing trauma? Were we not enemies anymore? 

Before I could think any more on it, a piercing scream shattered the silence. Bellamy and I raced forward, joining up with the terrified Charlotte, her eyes glued to a body lying on the ground. Despite the redness of the skin and the oozing welts, I recognized him. 

“Atom,” I breathed. My eyes flickered over to Bellamy, who was struck frozen with...fear? Grief? Panic? I wasn’t sure, but I knew this couldn’t have been easy for him. Haunted, he stood there, unmoving, until Charlotte put her knife in his hand. 

“Don’t be afraid,” she said. 

Bellamy grasped the knife, finally coming back to reality. 

“Go back to camp,” he ordered to everyone who’d come at Charlotte’s screams. “You too, Y/n.” 

I took a few steps back and whispered to Charlotte to leave. Reluctantly, she turned away and followed the others. I, however, was not going to leave Bellamy to do this alone. Soundlessly, I reappeared at his side. For a moment it looked like he was going to protest, but maybe he knew I wouldn’t leave. I had never been very good at following orders. 

Together, we walked towards Atom’s limp body. To my dismay, he was still alive, and it was horrible that that made me feel worse. I couldn’t imagine the pain he was suffering. No one deserved that. 

We knelt on either side of Atom, who pleaded for death. Tears stung my eyes. This was so hard to watch, and part of me wanted to flee, wanted to avoid seeing one of our own in unimaginable pain. But another won out, the stronger part of me, the part of me that wasn’t cowardly. 

“Bellamy,” I murmured, after he just stared at Atom for what seemed forever. Slowly, he looked up to meet my gaze and I knew in that moment he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t put Atom out of his misery. He couldn’t kill his friend. 

Grim resignation fell over me, and I reached into my boot for my own blade. Bellamy picked up rather quickly on what I was doing, and his despaired relief wasn’t hard to miss. Humming a soft tune my mother used to put me to sleep ages ago, I stabbed my blade through Atom’s neck. Blood seeped out of the wound and my voice hitched, but I didn’t stop the melody until the life finally left Atom’s eyes. 

I looked up at Bellamy who had tears in his eyes. Real tears. After this, how could we be enemies? I wouldn’t have killed someone to ease the pain of an enemy. I would have done that for...a friend. 

Clarke, Wells, and Finn showed up at that moment, and I couldn’t bring myself to do more than smile weakly at them. With their help, we pulled Atom’s lifeless body back to camp. Maybe I would help bury his body later, but right now I was tired, too tired to do anything. All the energy and innocence had drained from my being. I wasn’t ever going to be the same after what I did. 

Bellamy pulled me into a hug when we got back to camp. “Thank you.” 

I pulled away. “You don’t deserve to carry the weight of your friend’s death, Bellamy. No one does.” 

If he said anything else to me, I didn’t hear, because my head grew clouded and tears streamed down my grimy face. I trekked to my tent and collapsed, sobbing. A few minutes later, someone hovered outside the entrance, who I thought might have been Bellamy, but it didn’t matter because they didn’t come in, didn’t say anything. And I didn’t care. 

I just cried until my eyes were dry and my mind muddled, and I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. 


	4. Murphy's Law

Wells was dead. 

The news struck me hard, shook me to the core. I couldn’t remember the last thing I’d said to him. Yesterday, I’d only smiled at him. And that was the last I would ever have the chance to do that. He wasn’t my best friend in the world, but he was a big part of my childhood, and one of the kindest people to me in the camp. He understood my plight about being the child of a hated man. Now I was alone on that front. 

The story of Wells’ death circled around the camp and I’d heard it too many times. Found lying in the dirt, surrounding by a pool of his own blood, two of his fingers missing. Over and over, the story raced across my mind, taking over all of my thoughts. To make it even worse, there was no sign of the killer. No clues as to who it could have been. Everyone thought it was Grounders, which wasn’t very far fetched, but I had my suspicions within the camp as well, which had only been confirmed when I was invited into Bellamy’s tent. 

Clarke, Octavia, Jasper, Bellamy and I all stood around a table, with a knife in the center. Octavia and Jasper had found it outside the wall just beside Wells’ two missing fingers. Anger swelled in my chest. Only one person in the camp had such a vendetta against him, and Clarke seemed to pick up on that the same time as I did. On the hilt of the knife were the initials J.M., which put together with the events of the last few days could only mean one person. 

Clarke stormed out of the tent, shoving past Bellamy, who tried to stop her. Part of me knew it might not have been a good idea to accuse Murphy, that it would cause chaos, but I was too infuriated to care and followed in her footsteps as she headed straight for the man that was the source of our suspicion. 

“You son of a bitch!” She screamed, shoving Murphy roughly. 

“Hey, what’s your problem?” 

Clarke shoved the knife in his face. “Recognize this?” 

“It’s my knife, where’d you find that?” He tried to take it from her but she took a step back.

“Where you dropped it after you killed Wells!”

Whispers broke out around us, and the anger and terror that had already been rooted in the camp skyrocketed. I could feel the temperment of the camp shift, as if the air itself was enraged at the news. 

Murphy scoffed. “Where I what? The Grounders killed Wells, not me.”

“I know what you did,” Clarke spat. I had never seen her so scathing, not in all the years I’d known her. Admittedly, it was a little terrifying. “And you’re going to pay for it!”

“Really? Bellamy, you believe this crap?” Murphy turned to Bellamy, clearly searching for support, but he remained silent and stoic, arms crossed, gaze hardened. 

“You threatened to kill him!” I interjected, unable to keep quiet any longer. “We all heard you. You hated Wells.”

“‘Plenty of people hated Wells. His father was the Chancellor that locked us up!”

“Yeah, but you’re the only one that got into an actual fight with him!” Clarke retorted. 

“I didn’t kill him then either!” Murphy said. 

“You tried to kill me that day,” I snarled. 

“He tried to kill Jasper too,” Octavia input, which was clearly news to Jasper. 

Panic spread like a virus through everyone and soon they had all rallied against Murphy, hatred in their eyes. Fear filled the eyes of only one; Charlotte. As everyone drew weapons and began rioting, I knew I had to get her out of there. Chaos had no mercy, not for even a child like her. 

“Come on, this is ridiculous!” Murphy protested. “I don’t have to answer to you, I don’t have to answer to anyone!”

“Come again?” Bellamy challenged. 

I stepped away from Clarke and headed for Charlotte, making sure to violently bump into Murphy on the way, just to release some of my anger. He whirled around and shoved me back, enough to make me stumble. I shot him a glare, but didn’t escalate it more. The crowd was restless, and I wanted to make sure the kid was safe. I put my arms on her shoulders to find that she was incredibly tense. 

“Is this the kind of society you want?” Clarke shouted, her voice strained. “You say there should be no rules! Does that mean we can just kill each other without punishment?” 

“I already told you I didn’t kill anyone!” Murphy argued. 

“I say we float him!” A guy I recognized as Ty shouted. 

Others cheered in agreement. I tensed. 

“Charlotte, get out of here,” I whispered to her. But still, she would not budge. 

“That’s not what I’m saying,” Clarke countered, but that didn’t seem to matter. 

“Why not? He deserves to float! It’s justice.” 

Clarke shook her head. “Revenge isn’t justice!” 

“It’s justice. Float him!” 

The crowd chanted  _ float him _ over and over. My heart sped up. I hated Murphy and wanted justice for Wells, of course I did, but did he really deserve to die? Honestly, I found my conscience at war with my instincts, and resorted to being a bystander. If Murphy died, it would be easier on everyone. But I couldn’t have his blood on my hands. 

_ If you stand by, isn’t that the same?  _ A voice inside me hissed. I closed my eyes. Maybe it was. Maybe it was just another death for me to bear. 

As the crowd circled Murphy, he tried to run, only to be kicked to the ground. Everyone rushed to get their turn at sending a blow his way. In the chaos, someone knocked into me, and I stumbled, losing my grip on Charlotte. She disappeared into the crowd. I tried to call her name, but there was so much yelling, so much noise, I could barely hear my own thoughts. 

Murphy was yanked to his feet, a gag in his mouth, blood covering his face. They dragged him to a pair of trees, and I followed the sickly excited crowd. Clarke was screaming, begging for anyone to listen to her, to stop this madness, but no one cared to hear what she had to say. I pushed through the crowd until I was on the edge, and had a full view of the events to occur.

After days of tension and fear and an overwhelming amount of stress, it wasn’t a surprise to me that the camp had broke into anarchy. They needed a scapegoat, and I had to admit Murphy was the best option. So I tried to block out his muffled screams as they wrapped a rope around his neck, as his feet struggled to find purchase on a crate. I tried to ignore the crowd chanting Bellamy’s name and could only stare with a horrified transfixion as Bellamy kicked the crate from beneath Murphy’s feet. He turned and met my eyes, and I saw the terror beneath his wall. He didn’t want this either. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Finn yelled. “Cut him down!” 

“Just stop it okay!” Charlotte screamed. I snapped my head in her direction and immediately started towards her. “Murphy didn’t kill Wells! I did!” 

I stopped in my tracks, my heart pounding. Vaguely, I heard the sound of a body hitting the ground, but I could only stare at Charlotte. She was just a kid! How could she have killed Wells? I shook myself free of my paralyzation. That crowd turned on Murphy so fast I wasn’t sure they would offer Charlotte any mercy. Bellamy approached, and put a hand on her shoulder. 

“We have to go,” he said. She nodded silently and looked at me. I followed without a word. Bellamy led us to a tent, where we were quickly followed by Clarke and Finn. Charlotte was staring at me, tears rolling down her cheeks. I didn’t know what to say to her. She was a murderer. She had said so herself. And yet, there was no denying the fact that I cared for her. She was my friend just as much as Wells had been, though without the history. Angry as I was, I wasn’t going to let anyone hurt her for what she did. 

“Charlotte, why?” Bellamy asked, his tone gentle but exasperated. 

“I was just trying to slay my demons like you told me,” she whimpered. 

I felt like I’d been slapped in the face, and it looked like Bellamy had too. I remembered the night before, the moment in the cave when he helped her confront what haunted her at night. Everything went wrong, so very very wrong. I wished we could do that night over, find some other way to help her. Wells would still be alive. 

“What the hell is she talking about?” Clarke demanded. 

“She misunderstood me. Charlotte, that is not what I meant.”

Outside, Murphy started shouting. Of course, he had rallied the crowd to him and was now looking for revenge.

“Bring the girl out, Bellamy!”

Charlotte flinched and looked at me.

“Please don’t let them hurt me,” she pleaded. 

“They won’t hurt you,” I promised. In the face of her fear, I forgot about my anger. Wells was gone, and I could deal with that later. Right now, Charlotte’s safety was my only concern. “Nothing bad will happen to you. Not while I’m around.”

She sobbed and I pulled her into my arms, hugging her tightly.

“If you guys have any bright ideas, speak up,” Bellamy said to us. 

We looked at each other and didn’t say anything.

“Oh, now you stay quiet?” Bellamy threw his hands up. 

“Hey, those are your boys out there!” Finn said. 

“This is not my fault!” Bellamy protested, before looking at Clarke. “If she’d listened to me, those idiots would still be building the wall.”

“You wanna build a society, Princess?” Murphy taunted from outside the tent. “Let’s build a society. Bring her out!”

“No, please, Bellamy!” Charlotte cried.

He leaned down and put his hands on her arms, looking at her reassuringly.

“Look, Charlotte, hey. It’s gonna be okay. Just stay with Y/n. She’ll keep you safe.”

I nodded, and went for my bow, only to find that it was gone. I’d left it in my tent. All I had was the knife in my boot. I hoped that was going to be enough to defend us. Bellamy slipped outside, and I sprang into action. Pulling my knife from my boot, I slashed a hole in the back of the tent and pulled Charlotte through. Clarke and Finn followed closely behind. 

Murphy was already following us, his shouts not far behind. One glance back and I caught a glimpse of torches. I cursed. 

“Any bright ideas, anyone?” I panted, taking a break after we’d run through the trees for a while. 

Finn nodded. “There’s a bunker near here.” 

The shouts grew closer again, too close. I made a decision, there and then, that I would do anything to protect Charlotte. Even if it meant another reckless, bad decision for me. Not that it was anything new. 

“You guys take her there. I’ll make sure you aren’t followed.” 

Before anyone could argue my decision, I turned on my heel and headed in the direction of the approaching mob. I reached into my boot and gripped tight to the hilt of my knife. Adrenaline revved in my veins as a few kids reached me, spears in hand. My eyes flit across their faces, searching for any sign of Murphy. He wasn’t one of them, so at least I didn’t have to worry about confronting him again. Right now, anyway. 

Fire in my eyes, I brandished my weapon before me. 

“Get out of the way, Y/n,” the one I knew as Erik said. “We don’t want to hurt you.” 

“And I don’t want to hurt you,” I responded, daring any of them to challenge me. “So maybe it’s best you go back to camp.” 

One of the others clearly wasn’t in the mood for talking and slammed the butt of his spear into my chest. The wind knocked out of me and I stumbled, but I slashed out with my knife and caught someone’s arm. 

“You bitch!” he cursed.

“Leave,” I ordered. 

“Come on, Y/n,” the one called Liam begged. “We just want the girl. It’s justice.”

“This isn’t justice!”    
“Like you’d know anything about justice, Kane!” 

I snarled, “I know you don’t kill a little girl for a mistake. Now go back to camp or I will do something we’ll all regret.” 

Liam huffed. “You asked for it.” 

Everyone in the group rushed me all at once. I managed to get in a few cuts to some of them, but I couldn’t fight them all. Spears came down on me, and I snapped one in two, but the butts of the rest smacked against my ribs, against my stomach. I stumbled and fell to the ground. My knife spun out of my reach. I tried to crawl for it, but they kept hitting me. I curled into myself, trying to protect my head. 

Convinced they’d defeated me, they left me lying motionless on the ground. Blood dripped from the corner of my mouth, and I ached all over but I was in one piece, and I had bought enough time for the others. I hoped. 

I scooped up my blade and set off into the dark woods, looking for any sign of my friends. Hopeless tears stung at my eyes and I screamed in frustration. None of this should have happened! 

“Hey, you alright?” Bellamy’s voice echoed from behind me. 

I nodded, though that was a lie. Dull pain wracked my chest, I had a splitting headache, and I had never been so stressed in my life. But what I was feeling didn’t matter. Only Charlotte mattered. 

“Charlotte is with Finn and Clarke,” I explained. “We have to find them.”

I had to admit, Finn was good at covering his tracks. The fight with the others had only lasted a few minutes but it was long enough for them to disappear. Bellamy and I walked for hours, but as it got darker and darker, I was getting desperate.

“Y/n,” Bellamy called. “Y/n, you have to slow down.”

“I can’t!” My voice hitched. “I can’t let the kid die, she doesn’t deserve that!” 

He seized my arm, stopping me in my tracks. Furious, I shoved him.

“What the hell? If Murphy finds her first, he’ll kill her. We can’t slow down, not until she’s safe!”

“I know that,” he said softly. He put his hands on my arms, looking me straight in the eyes. A strange tranquility overcame me and I took a deep breath. “Trust me, I want to find her just as much as you. But I’m gonna need you to calm down, all right?”

I exhaled slowly. Running through the woods in a blind rage wouldn’t do anyone any good. 

“Better?” Bellamy asked. 

I nodded and turned away from him. Amazing how he could make me feel so calm in a situation like this. Or in any situation. God, what was happening to me? Why had he become so grounding for me? 

I didn’t get to think on it much longer as Charlotte breezed right past us and took a pause, her back to us. I was going to run to her, but Bellamy beat me to it, grabbing her and putting a hand over her mouth. She struggled against him, but when she saw my face, she calmed down. 

Murphy was growing ever closer, the torches lighting the dark around us. Without hesitation, I grabbed Charlotte’s hand and headed in the opposite direction. Bellamy tailed us closely behind. 

“You have to let me go,” she pleaded.

I reeled back. “What? No, why the hell would I do that?” 

“Y/n, please. Let me go.”

I shook my head, bewildered. Charlotte sighed. And then, she started screaming. Bellamy jumped, putting a hand on her mouth again but even then, it wasn’t enough.

“Charlotte, what are you doing?” I whispered. “Shut up, they’ll hear you!”

She managed to get out of Bellamy’s grasp and tried to run away but I caught her.

“Let me go!” she shouted.

“We’re trying to help you!” Bellamy explained. 

“I’m not your sister!” she exclaimed. “Just stop helping me!”

I flinched. She was just lashing out, but I couldn’t not help her. 

“I’m over here!” she screamed and I cursed. We didn’t have time for this.

“Are you trying to get us all killed?” Bellamy asked.

“Just go, okay? I’m the one they want!”

I crouched down. “Look, I get it. The guilt of killing Wells is crushing you. I know that feeling. Guilt sucks, but we can help you grow through it. We are not going to let you die.” 

“I deserve to die,” she said and the pain in her voice broke me. 

Bellamy turned her towards him. “Okay, Charlotte, listen to me. I won’t leave you. Y/n won’t leave you.”

“Please, Bellamy.”

I tried pulling her away again but she broke out of our grasp once more, running towards Murphy. Bellamy seized her and put her over his shoulder. She started screaming once more, ignoring my pleas.

“Run!” I shouted. We tore through the trees, weaving in and out of the branches, Charlotte’s screams carried by the wind. Murphy was gaining on us, and everything got worse when we stopped at the edge of a cliff. 

Wildly, I looked around, searching for another way out. But there was nothing. Murphy and his mob broke through the treeline. We were trapped. I pushed Charlotte behind me, and willed a fire to ignite in my already burning eyes. No one would take her. 

“Bellamy!” He shouted. “You can’t fight all of us. Give her up!”

“Maybe not,” he spat back, conviction in his voice. “But I guarantee I’ll take a few of you with me.”

I smiled wickedly. I wasn’t sure what had come over me, but I couldn’t help it. If anyone came near us, I would hurt them. 

At that moment, Clarke and Finn broke through, joining the standoff. 

“This has gone too far,” she said to Murphy. “Just calm down. We’ll talk about this.”

Murphy stared at her for a second, then snatched her and held a knife to her throat. I aimed my knife at him, but he shot daggers at me. 

“Don’t even think about it, Y/n. And Finn, back off.”

“No, please. Please don’t hurt her!” Charlotte cried behind me.

“Don’t hurt her?” Murphy scoffed, looking at the young girl. “Okay, I’ll make you a deal. You come with me right now, I will let her go.”

I grabbed Charlotte’s arm with my free hand, keeping her behind me. She tried to fight me to get to Murphy but Bellamy took her other arm, helping me.

“Don’t do it, Charlotte!” Clarke begged.

“No!” she screamed. “No, I have to!”

“Stop!” Bellamy ordered and miraculously, she seemed to listen. He let her go, focusing on the others. I let my hand linger on her shoulder, too nervous that she’d try to run to Murphy.

“Murphy,” Bellamy said. “This is not happening.”

“I can’t let any of you get hurt anymore,” Charlotte said softly. “Not because of me. Not after what I did.”

I turned around and crouched down again, not worried about the others advancing. I trusted Bellamy would watch my back. “Charlotte, we’ll get through this, okay? Don’t give up yet. We’ve all done bad things. I’m here for you.” 

She smiled, tears rolling down her cheeks, and hugged me. I closed my eyes, holding her tight, sure I’d finally reached her. I’d finally done something right. At that moment, I truly believed everything would turn out fine. Murphy would give up, or I’d make him, and we’d go back to camp. Life would go back to normal, as normal as normal could be down here. 

And then, she shoved me away. Too surprised to catch myself, I crashed into the ground. Bellamy helped me up, but it was too late. Charlotte threw herself off the cliff. 

An inhuman scream tore from my throat. Tears trailed down my face, hot and heavy. 

I scrambled to the edge of the cliff and stared into the abyss. She couldn’t be dead. I knew she had to be, but fuck, she didn’t deserve this kind of death. A sort of burning numbness filled me from my core. I couldn’t feel anything, I couldn’t think anything. I just knelt there, staring down into the darkness. 

“Oh God,” I choked, swallowing back sobs. “Charlotte.” 

My numbness morphed into anger and I turned around, hurling my knife through the air. It whizzed past Murphy’s ear and sank into a tree. 

“Fuck you!” I screamed. “I’m gonna kill you!”    
I tried to run to him, but Bellamy grabbed me around the middle and held me back. I struggled, but finally collapsed into sobs, and he released me. I fell to the ground, my vision blurred with tears. 

Vaguely I saw Bellamy pummeling Murphy, and felt a horrible sort of satisfaction in that. He deserved it. 

Minutes or maybe hours later, Bellamy came back to me and grabbed my arm, pulling me up. I didn’t fight it. He led me back to camp, in complete silence, his hand never leaving my back and I almost felt like laughing. What was he afraid of? That I was going to throw myself off a cliff too?

The others were waiting for us, in complete silence. They saw Bellamy’s bloody knuckles and Murphy’s absence. They saw Charlotte wasn’t there either. No one asked any question and I was grateful.

There was a fire going. I took a seat close to it, staring into the hypnotic flickering flames. Staring into its heated depths, I finally felt at peace. I wasn’t angry anymore. Not at Murphy, not at Charlotte, not at anyone. The grief of her death had taken root deep within me, but I knew it wouldn’t do me well to dwell on it. Quick as it might have been, I had dealt with the reality of her death. Now I was just tired. 

Bellamy took a seat beside me. I barely acknowledged his presence, or the outburst about his sister. I didn’t care what he did. We were going to cope with Charlotte’s death in different ways. I wasn’t one to judge his rage when I had threatened to kill Murphy. 

“It’s not your fault, you know,” I said, almost unaware of my own voice. I wasn’t sure why I felt I had to comfort him. I was the one who had practically been responsible for the kid. 

Bellamy sighed. “I gave her a knife.”

“You couldn’t have known what she would do.” I kicked a twig into the fire. “None of us could have foreseen this.” 

“I know,” he whispered. 

A pain in my wrist kept me from continuing the conversation. I looked down at my wristband to find it lifeless. Around me, everyone who still had theirs experienced the same. I couldn’t bring myself to angry, or distressed. All I could be was tired. Sick and tired. I pulled the wristband off. 

“Looks like you got what you wanted,” I said, my voice heavy and flat. I tossed the useless hunk of metal at Bellamy’s feet. “They think we’re all dead.” 

Without waiting for a response, I stood and walked away. My father was going to die up there on the Ark. Everyone would. 

I wished I could be more upset about it. I wished I could scream, throw something, break something. I wished I could feel anything other than this tired melancholy. 

I lay down in my tent and stared at the roof, tears leaking from my eyes, unable to register my sorrow. I failed once again. 

I would never do anything right.   
  



	5. Twilight's Last Gleaming

Sleep wasn’t satisfying. When hurting in waking hours, that discomfort carries into the night. I experienced that when my mother died, and I experienced it now. When I opened my eyes, I wasn’t sure I had even gone to sleep at all, but the refreshment I felt told me otherwise. Distance between the events of yesterday made me feel better. Time healed. Never quickly, but I would soon be at peace with Charlotte’s death. 

Yawning, I stretched and stepped out of my tent to see what the commotion that woke me was. I popped out of my tent the same time that Bellamy did, shirtless and covered in hickeys. He flashed me a smile and I turned away, trying to hide the burning in my cheeks. Everyone was pointing up at the sky, murmuring excitedly. I followed their gazes up to the navy of before dawn, and caught a glimpse of something hurtling through the atmosphere towards earth. 

Had the Ark somehow found out that we’re alive? Were they sending us supplies to help? And there likely was a radio. I could speak with my father! Despite everything, I smiled. Everything might start to turn around for the better. 

I ducked back into my tent and slung my bow around my shoulder and tucked my knife into my boot. It was a little dull after I’d thrown it into the tree, but it was still functional enough. 

When I came back out, I almost felt the blanket of disappointment. I turned to a girl beside me. “What’s going on?” 

“Bellamy says it’s too dangerous to go while it’s dark.” 

“Bullshit,” I said, knowing something wasn’t right. “The sun’ll be up in an hour anyway.” 

She just shrugged and returned to her tent. I, however, wasn’t giving up that easy. I never thought I would feel this excited for something again, not so soon after Charlotte’s death. It was something to keep my mind occupied and stop me from spiraling. I was going to the pod the Ark dropped, and no one could stop me. Besides, apart from giving me something to do, whatever was in there was way too important to risk leaving it for the Grounders to find. 

I searched the camp for any sign of Bellamy, and just barely caught him sneaking out into the woods. I scoffed. Of course. He wanted to get to the pod first. Why, I didn’t know, but I had feeling it wasn’t anything good. 

On my way to the edge of the camp border, I ran into Monty. I hadn’t spent much time around him, but I knew he was one of the smartest kids here. A huge asset. I’d heard he and Jasper got busted for growing cannabis. The thought of it made me want to laugh. 

“Where are you going?” He asked. I didn’t think he was trying to keep me from leaving, but it was annoying nonetheless. 

“To see what was dropped,” I replied, trying to be as pleasant as possible, though I desperately wished to shove him aside and bolt out into the woods. “I don’t care what Bellamy says. I’m going.” 

He shrugged. “Not a bad idea. I just really wanted to apologize for screwing up the wristband. It’s my fault they all went out.” 

I raised an eyebrow and chuckled. “You were trying to help us. I’m not, like, mad at you. Are you really going around apologizing to everyone?” 

“A little bit.” 

“Monty, don’t be so hard on yourself,” I advised. “We’ll figure something else out. That pod that fell might have a radio and we could-” I inhaled sharply. “The radio. That must be why Bellamy left. Gotta go, Monty. Stay optimistic. We need it!” 

I breezed past him before he could respond. If Bellamy got to that pod before me, or anyone else for that matter, I was sure he would destroy the radio. I didn’t know why he’s so hell-bent on cutting us off from the Ark, but I was going to make sure that ended today. 

Finally, I caught up to Bellamy. The sun had risen by now, and sweat prickled on my hairline. He hadn’t noticed me yet, and I was planning on keeping it that way. Silently, I drew and arrow from my quiver. If all went according to plan, I would shoot Bellamy in the leg, beat him to the pod, and call the Ark. 

Of course, nothing could ever go to plan. 

“C’mon, you aren’t really going to shoot me, are ya firecracker?” Bellamy said, without turning around. Either he had incredibly good senses or I was not as stealthy as I thought. 

I sighed and stepped out from behind a tree. “I wouldn’t underestimate me.” 

Bellamy turned, and held up his hands. “Oh, I don’t. I believe you are capable of far more than most.”

I frowned. “Alright...thanks. But I know what you’re up to. I won’t let you destroy that radio.” 

Bellamy chuckled. “You can’t stop me.” 

“Didn’t I just say not to underestimate me?” I challenged, drawing my string. 

“Fine,” he said, taking me up on the challenge. “Then shoot me.” 

I glared at him, my fingers itching to let my arrow fly, wipe that infuriating smirk from his face. But I couldn’t shoot him. I lowered my bow. 

“Just go back to camp, Y/n.” 

“Dammit, Blake. Fine.” I returned the arrow back to my quiver and turned around. But then I whipped back in his direction and bolted in the direction of the pod. I took pride in the shocked expression on his face. Good to know I could catch him off guard. He wasn’t surprised for long though, and I had only given myself a few seconds head start. 

The bruises on my ribs from the beatings I’d received the day before burned. I clenched my teeth and grimaced, but didn’t allow myself to slow down. Experiencing a little pain now was better than allowing everyone on the Ark to perish. 

I broke out of the treeline and there the pod was, on the ground, in one piece. I had been expecting a scorched ground, flames, smoke. But it was rather innocuous for a large hunk of space metal. I let out a relieved laugh, and opened the door. Inside, there was a person in a space suit which shocked me, but I could worry about them in a second. All that mattered right now was contacting the Ark. 

I grabbed the receiver for the radio and was about to speak into it when I felt arms wrap around my middle. 

“No!” I shouted, struggling against Bellamy’s arms. “Let me go!” 

I elbowed backwards, making contact with his shoulder. He grunted and loosened his grip just enough for me to break free. Panting, I whirled on him, pulling my knife from my boot. Against my will, a few angry tears slipped down my cheeks. 

“Bellamy, please!” I begged. “My family is up there. I can’t lose- I can’t lose anyone else!” 

Sorrow filled his eyes, and for a moment I thought he would back off. He would change his mind. But I was wrong. 

Bellamy grabbed my wrist and twisted the knife from my grip. It clattered to the ground, and Bellamy kicked it too far away for me to bend down and pick up. I fought to escape his grip, but it was like trying to escape iron. Fire ignited in my eyes again. I guess his nickname for me was well suited, now that I thought about it. 

Bellamy spun me around and held me against his chest, his arm locked around my throat. I struggled against his hold, to no avail. 

“Please stop fighting,” he murmured in my ear. “Please don’t make me do this.” 

I screamed and kicked backwards, trying anything to escape him. Finally, I relented. “Do it, Blake. I won’t stop fighting until you make me.” 

He sighed. “I'm sorry.” 

Bellamy’s grip around my throat tightened. Blood rushed to my head. My fingers tingled and I felt my muscles weaken. Slowly, the air stopped flowing, and black spots danced in my eyes. I coughed and desperately clawed at Bellamy’s hands. Logically, I knew he was only trying to knock me unconscious, but my survival instinct told me that I was going to die. 

“Bel-Bellamy, stop,” I spluttered, desperately gasping for air. “Please...Be-B...Bellamy.” 

He kept whispering  _ I’m sorry _ , over and over in my ear. I stopped fighting, my limbs no longer able to respond. I went limp against Bellamy’s chest, and he slowly lowered me to the ground. His face was the last I saw before I sank into unconsciousness.

* * *

The first face I saw when I awoke a few minutes later was Clarke’s.

“Oh thank God,” she sighed, relief filling her eyes. “Who did this to you?” 

I slowly sat up, trying to ignore the dull pounding in my head. I rubbed my neck and winced at the painful bruise. “Who do you think?” 

Clarke scoffed. “Of course. He got the radio too.” 

I cursed. He probably destroyed it. I had lost my last chance to save my father. All because of him. Clarke held a hand out to me and helped me to my feet. I took the chance to hug her. She was a bit taken aback by it at first, but returned the gesture. Charlotte was the only one I’d hugged since I’d landed on earth, and I so desperately needed that comforting touch again. Clarke and I had been close once. I hoped we would be again. 

After a while, I pulled away from her. “Sorry. I just, I just was overwhelmed I guess.” 

She smiled. “It’s okay, Y/n. I know the feeling.” 

I smiled, and hugged her again. “Thank you.” 

Behind us, a girl’s laughter drifted across the gentle breeze. I turned to see a pretty dark haired girl that I just so happened to recognize as Raven Reyes. I’d run into her a few times on the Ark, but she was the most talented engineer I’d ever met and since I spent most of my time on Alpha station, I didn’t get to know her on a more personal level. 

“I dreamed it would smell like this,” she mused, bouncing on her heels, a bright smile on her face. “Is this rain?” 

A light drizzle dripped from the few puffy clouds across the blue sky. Clarke nodded. “Welcome home.” 

Raven turned around, her arms outstretched to feel the rain. Footsteps echoed behind us in the woods and I turned, half hoping it was Bellamy so I could kill him. It wasn’t him. Rather, it was Finn, looking like he’d seen a ghost. 

“Raven!” he called.

“Finn!” She replied, racing into his arms. Raven looked at Finn as if he was her whole world, as if he were greater than the ocean, more impressive than the vastness of space itself. I glanced over at Clarke, and saw a dull, terrible pain in her eyes. Clarke had looked at Finn the same way Raven did. I felt a pang of pity for her. “I knew you couldn’t be dead.” 

Finn looked at Clarke, then back to Raven and saw the wound on her head.

“You’re bleeding.”

“I don’t care.”

She kissed him and Finn didn’t hesitate, kissing her back. Clarke looked as if she’d been slapped and I felt so out of place I considered leaving. Thankfully, they stopped.

“How did you get here?” Finn asked Raven.

“You know that big scrap hold? The one on K deck?”

We all turned to the pod. I didn’t know much about engineering, only what my mother had taught me, but even I knew that pod shouldn’t have been able to start, even less get someone to the ground alive.

“You built that from scrap?” Finn asked, impressed.

“I kind of rebuilt it. Please, like that’s hard. It just needed a couple of parts and some love.”

“You’re insane.”

“I’d do more for you and worse. Just like you would for me.”

Feeling incredibly awkward, I was almost relieved that Raven stumbled. And then I chastised myself for that. Just because I felt uncomfortable didn’t mean I could wish harm on someone else. 

_ Unless that someone else was Bellamy _ , I thought bitterly. 

Clarke rushed to Raven’s side and helped her up. I hung back, not sure if I could handle the tension between the three of them. 

“This is Clarke, and that’s Y/n,” Finn said, gesturing at us. “They were on the dropship too.”

“Clarke?” Raven said, standing up. “This was all because of your mom.”

“My mom?”

“This was all her plan. We were trying to come down here together. If we waited- oh my God. We couldn’t wait because the Council is voting whether to kill 300 people to save air.”

I wished I could say I was surprised. But after Clarke had told us the Ark’s life support was failing, I suspected something like this would happen. That didn’t make it sit with me any easier. 

“When?” Clarke asked.

“Today. We have to tell them you’re alive!”

Raven started running to the pod but I grabbed her arm, stopping her.

“Don’t bother. The radio’s gone.”

“What? How?”

“Someone got here before us,” Clarke explained while I tried to remain calm. “We have to find him.”

Raven paled. I worried she might pass out, or worse, but she insisted on remaining with us. Finn offered her his arm to help her walk but she marched ahead, proving she was capable of moving on her own. I admired her persistence and pluck. I had a feeling we would get along just fine. Plus, it was an added bonus that she didn’t even know Bellamy but was already pissed at him. 

Maybe I was angrier than I ought to have been. Bellamy had pleaded me to stop, had given me an out, and I had told him he would have to stop me himself. It didn’t make what he’d done okay, but maybe there was something darker to my anger than his actions. Maybe I was losing my sanity after losing two friends in one day. I was the same when my mother died. Uncontrollable, powered by unchecked rage, lashing out, and then weeks of feeling nothing. It was happening again, and I had to get it under control. If I wasn’t careful, I would do exactly what got me into the skybox in the first place. 

Lost in my thoughts, I’d fallen a bit behind the others. I didn’t bother trying to catch up with them. As long as they were in my sights, it was fine. A little peaceful walk through the woods might bring be the solace I needed. 

Of course, it wasn’t that peaceful. By the time I caught up to the others, they’d run into Bellamy. 

“Hey!” Clarke shouted, grabbing his shoulder to stop him. “Where is it?”

“Hey, princess. You taking a walk in the woods?”

I couldn’t control my rage, not standing here right in front of him. I shoved past Raven and Finn, and punched Bellamy straight in the face. Everyone seemed shocked, except for Bellamy, who only seemed regretful. His eyes strayed to my throat, and I hoped he felt crushing guilt for what he’d done to me. 

“Where the hell is the radio, asshole?” I shouted, practically foaming at the mouth. Amazing how the day before I had seen him almost as a friend. Every time I thought we were getting to be amicable, he managed to prove me wrong. 

“They’re getting ready to kill 300 people up there,” Clarke added. “To save oxygen. And I can guarantee you, it won’t be Council members. It’ll be working people. Your people!” 

“Don’t lie, Blake,” I threatened. “Or I’ll do a bit more than make your nose bleed.” 

“Bellamy Blake?” Raven asked. “They’re looking everywhere for you-”

“Shut up,” Bellamy said. He suddenly seemed worried.

“Looking for him why?” Clarke implored.

“He shot Chancellor Jaha.” 

I took a step back. Just like that, everything about Bellamy Blake made sense. How he’d gotten on the dropship, why he had taken control of the group, his war on the wristbands, the radio…he needed the Ark to think we hadn’t survived so he wouldn’t be killed for his crime.

“It’s why you took the wristbands,” Clarke said, having her own epiphany. “Everyone would think we’re dead.”

Finn scoffed, staring at Bellamy with contempt. “All that “Whatever the hell we want”? You just care about saving your own skin.”

Bellamy didn’t dignify that with an answer, and instead walked away but Raven went after him.

“Hey, shooter. Where’s my radio?”

“Get out of my way.”

“Where is it?”

“I should’ve killed you when I had the chance,” he threatened her.

“Really? Well, I’m right here.”

Before any of us could react, he had grabbed her and shoved her against a tree. But just as quickly, Raven had pulled out a switch knife and held it against Bellamy’s face, a cold smile on her face.

“Where’s my radio?”

“Okay, stop it,” Clarke ordered.

I put my hand on Bellamy’s arm and he backed away, letting go of Raven.

“Jaha deserved to die,” he said. “You all know that.”

“Yeah, he’s not my favorite person either,” Raven scoffed. “But he isn’t dead.”

Relief washed over Bellamy’s face, completely unmissable by even the most un-observant of people. It was solace in the most purest of forms, and I realized he hadn’t really wanted to kill the Chancellor. All he wanted was to make sure his sister was safe. 

“What?” he said, shocked. 

“You’re a lousy shot,” Raven said.

“Bellamy, don’t you see what this means?” Clarke said, a hand on his arm. “You’re not a murderer. You always did what you had to do to protect your sister. That’s who you are. And you can do it again. By protecting 300 of your people. Where’s the radio?” 

We all stared at him, praying for an answer. But we didn’t get the one we hoped for.

“It’s too late,” he said softly. “I threw it in the river.” 

Raven cursed loudly, walking to Bellamy. “Where?!” 

“I’ll show you,” he promised. 

When we reached the river, dejection struck me. It would take hours for us to find the radio. We would need a lot more people.

“I’ll get more people,” I announced. “You guys start looking. Blake, come with me.” 

I had a lot to say to him, and this walk I was going to get everything out. He didn’t get to run away, and I didn’t get to let my feelings fester. I wasn’t going to let myself repeat past mistakes. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, after we walked in silence for a few minutes. 

I reeled on him, my veins on fire with fury. “No, you don’t get to talk!” 

He held up his hands, and stared at me with a hurt look in his eyes. I was torn between anger and sympathy. Part of me felt bad, but my fuse had blown and taken over my mind. 

“You are the most selfish, infuriating, abhorrent person I’ve ever met, and Marcus Kane is my father!” I fumed. “How many times have I gone back and forth between caring about you and hating you? I don’t know that you’re worth either, honestly! You drive me absolutely insane, Blake! You act all high and mighty, but you’re just a coward. Terrified that you’ll die. Guess what, Bellamy! I would have protected you! We all would! You’re a leader, you’re half the reason we’re still alive. You’re so controlled by your fear you can’t even see the circle of friendship and loyalty right in front of you! You really think any of us, especially me, would have let them kill you?” 

My anger tempered out, and my voice became softer towards the end of my rant. I blinked away an angry tear as I stared him down. Well, it was all out there now. I felt like a weight had been lifted from my being. 

“Firecracker finally exploded, huh?” He teased, his voice taught with emotion. Maybe he was trying to lighten the mood, or avoid a more honest answer. Either way it bothered me. 

I glared at him. “You really think that was the best response?” 

Bellamy sighed. “You really would have protected me?” 

I offered him a small smile. “Duh. You piss me off more than anyone else in the world. And yet, I always find myself drawn to you. For some godforsaken reason you keep me grounded. And I’m amazed I’m even saying this right now. Like you need anything more to inflate your ego.” 

“I’m sorry,” he said in response, his aura soft and comforting. “For everything.” 

Bellamy turned to me, a sorrow remorse in his eyes. This was the Bellamy that I cared about. The real one, hidden deep beneath his fear. The Bellamy who risked his life to save a little girl, the Bellamy who I had a nice moment with by the berries. I would have been his fiercest advocate. But the Bellamy that threw the radio into the river...I didn’t know that I could even look him in the eyes. 

I touched his arm lightly. My last gesture of friendship. Everything was on him now. If he stopped acting like an asshole, I would defend him until my last breath. But it was all up to him. 

We gathered a few volunteers from camp to help look for the radio, and a little while later, it was discovered on the opposite bank, completely water logged. 

“Can you fix it?” Clarke asked Raven.

“Maybe,” Raven answered. “But it’ll take half a day just to dry out the components and see what’s broken.”

“Like I said,” Bellamy told us. “It’s too late.”

“Do you have any idea what you did?” Clarke yelled. “Do you even care?”

“You asked me to help,” he answered. “I helped.”

“Three hundred people are gonna die today because of you!”

Not necessarily true. Maybe we still had a chance. Because we didn’t have to talk to the Ark, we just had to let them know we were down here. 

Raven beat me to the chase. “Hold up. We don’t have to talk to the Ark. We just have to let them know we’re down here, right?”   
“Yeah, but how do we do that with no radio?” Finn inquired. 

Raven smiled, and a knowing look twinkled in her intelligent eyes. Whatever it was she came up with, I knew it would be brilliant. 

* * *

Brilliant, yes, but also a lot of hard, strenuous work. Night had fallen, and my muscles ached from setting up the flares we were to set off. I sighed and stared at the flares, hoping this would work. I hoped that the Ark would see them. We all did. 

As the flares lit up the inky black sky, I felt a quiet, hopeful reminiscence wash over me. 

“Can you wish on this type of shooting star?” Clarke murmured. I wasn’t sure if she was talking to me, or to Bellamy, or to herself. 

“I wouldn’t even know what to wish for,” Bellamy responded. 

I found my eyes straying to Bellamy, and was comforted to see he was looking back. Maybe everything would be alright. 

I did. I knew exactly what to wish for. 

_ To be at peace _ . 

I tore my eyes away from Bellamy and turned my head to the sky, letting my thoughts get lost in the flares. 


	6. His Sister's Keeper

I could never have just one refreshing, full night’s sleep without interruption. I rubbed my eyes and pulled myself up to my elbows, turning to see who’d burst into my tent. When I saw the distress in Bellamy’s eyes, I sat up fully, alert. 

“Bellamy? What’s wrong?”

“Have you seen Octavia?” 

I shook my head and he grunted before leaving the tent without saying anything else. Without hesitation, I rolled over, picked up my weapons, and stepped out into the dawning chaos. Bellamy was gathering a search group to look for his sister, which, obviously, I was going to join. I wasn’t going to just sit around when I could contribute something. 

“Everybody, gather around and grab a weapon,” Bellamy said, dumping a bunch of weapons on the ground. I already had all I needed, but it was good to see the others armed. “My sister’s been out there alone for twelve hours. Arm up. We’re not coming back without her.”

I was surprised to see Jasper picking up a spear. Ever since he’d been captured by the grounders, I hadn’t seen him leave camp, understandably. Perhaps Octavia was enough for him to face his fears. 

“We need a tracker,” Bellamy said, scanning the area. “Where’s Finn?”   
I shrugged, and called his name, but there was no response. 

Bellamy was clearly growing impatient. “Finn get out here!” 

Again, no response.

Finn, we’re leaving!” 

“All right, I’m coming!” Finn shouted back, from within his tent. 

I walked to the head of the group, intending to scout ahead when I heard people start to shout in wonder. Curious, I turned my head to the sky, and unease sat heavy in my stomach like a rock. Hundreds of bright lights fell from the slowly lightening sky. It wasn’t a meteor shower, as the naive part of me hoped. They were bodies, three hundred of them, those that had been sacrificed in the culling on the Ark. Terrible as that was, it wasn’t even the worst part. It meant all our efforts had been for nothing. Everyone on the Ark still didn’t know we were alive. 

“They didn’t work,” Raven said as she joined us. “They didn’t see the flares.”

“A meteor shower tells you that?” Bellamy asked. 

“It’s not a meteor shower, it’s a funeral,” Clarke replied, her face dark. “Hundreds of bodies being returned to Earth from the Ark. This is what it looks like from the other side. They didn’t get our message.”

Raven, furious, lunged at Bellamy.

“This is all because of you!” She yelled.

Clarke and Finn held her arms, stopping her.

“I helped you find the radio!” Bellamy argued.

“Yeah, after you jacked it from my pod and trashed it!”

“He knows,” Clarke told her. “Now he has to live with it.”   
Bellamy’s face fell. Only for a moment, and he put his wall back up right away. But I caught the regret in his eyes. I tried to offer him a smile, but he wouldn’t look at me. I shrugged to myself and gripped tight to my bow. Comfort wasn’t the issue right now. Finding Octavia was. 

“All I know is my sister is out there and I’m gonna find her,” Bellamy said. “You coming or what?”

“Yeah,” Finn answered.

“Then what are we waiting for? Let’s go!”

I fell behind everyone, being sure to watch their backs. I didn’t think the Grounders were much of head on attackers. From what I’d gathered, they liked to use the element of surprise, and sneaking around, mostly from behind. So I was going to protect them as best I could. 

Finn was a fantastic tracker, and had managed to pick up on Octavia’s trail. We were following it into the early hours of the morning when John called out, “Look over there!” 

We ran to him and he pointed at some bushes in the middle of a steep slope. There was definitely something there, but from this distance, I couldn’t see what it was.

“Rope,” Bellamy ordered.

“What are you doing?” Finn asked.

“I need the rope to get back up.”

_ Or further down _ , I thought.

He got down to the bushes and seized what looked like a piece of cloth.

“It’s hers!” he said. “We’re going all the way down.”

The others hesitated but I grabbed the rope, carefully but quickly making my way to the bottom of the slope. I joined Bellamy, who was down on his knees.

“What is it?”

He didn’t answer but showed me his hand. Blood covered his fingers and the stone before us.

“It’s not dry,” Bellamy said, his voice hollow.

“If it’s hers, that means she was here not long ago,” I told him, hoping what I was saying was reassuring. I sure didn’t think so, which probably meant he didn’t either. “And there isn’t much. She’s hurt, but alive. Like when the took Jasper.”

Not that that was very reassuring. 

Jasper and Finn jumped down beside us, and we exchanged glances. Finn pointed out a set of footprints leading away from us. Someone had been here. At least we were on the right track. I hoped. 

“The prints are deeper going that way,” Finn added. “He was carrying her.”

Bellamy’s face hardened. When the others joined us at the bottom of the hill, we set off in the direction of the footprints in tense silence. I was focused on my footing, so when Bellamy suddenly seized my wrist and stopped me, I looked at him, surprised. He was staring ahead, a horrified expression on his face. And as I looked up, I understood why. 

Skeletons were strung up in the trees all around us, tied to posts, some with spears poking through them. My blood turned to ice. The gentle rays of the rising sun illuminated the nauseating scene with a golden hue, which made it horrifyingly beautiful. I swallowed back some bile. Warnings were warnings, but I would not let fear control me, not if Octavia’s life was on the line. 

“I don’t speak Grounder,” Finn said, “but I’m pretty sure this means keep out.”

“Go back if you want,” Bellamy said as whispers broke out among the group. “My sister, my responsibility.”

He started walking without waiting for anyone else’s response. 

“I’d walk into hell to find her,” Jasper said.

“I think we just did,” Finn muttered as the three of us followed Bellamy.

Most of the others went back to camp, but Monroe, Roma, John Mbege, and Diggs accompanied us. We were a small group, but some of the fiercest fighters. 

I was tense, ready for an attack. And if I was so on edge, I could only begin to imagine what Bellamy was feeling. It was his sister out there, after all. Injured, probably scared, maybe dead. I tried not to think about that, but it was a harsh reality. Earth was beautiful, but it was full of danger. Pain. Maybe I was a naive person before I came here, but I never could have fathomed the horrors that rivaled even hell itself. This planet reminded me of sirens from the ancient greek myths. Lured you in with their beauty and entrancing songs and then killed you. 

The sun steadily rose higher in the sky, and a couple hours later, I was ready for a rest, or at the very least to slow the pace a little. I knew trying to tell that to Bellamy would only end in argument, but I had to give it a shot. 

“Hey, we need to slow down,” I said, grabbing onto his arm. “I know you’re scared. I am too. But at this rate, we’re going to be too tired to defend against a Grounder attack.” 

“Octavia is out there!” Bellamy argued, as I expected he would. Panic and pain filled his eyes, the same I surely had in mine when looking for Charlotte just a few days earlier. 

“I know!” I grabbed his hand, without thinking. “Bellamy, we’re going to find her. I won’t rest until we find her. But we have to worry about ourselves too. Just slow up a little, and I promise we will find your sister.” 

Bellamy stared at me for a moment, and I held his gaze, hoping he would believe my words. Hoping he would trust me. Slowly, he nodded and slowed down. 

Unfortunately, my promise seemed to be empty. By mid-morning, Finn had lost Octavia’s trail. My heart sank. While it was true I wasn’t going to give up, I didn’t know how to keep going.

“Wandering aimlessly isn’t the way to find your sister,” Finn said. “We should backtrack.”

“I’m not going back!” Bellamy shouted. “Not without her.” 

Finn looked like he was about to insist, but Roma interrupted. “Hey, where’s John?” 

I scanned the area around us, but found no sign of John Mbege. I could have sworn I just saw him a second ago. 

“Spread out,” Bellamy ordered. “He couldn’t have gotten that far.”

I had barely taken a step when I heard a loud thud. I whirled around and saw a body on the ground between Diggs and Monroe. We ran to them and I inhaled sharply at the sight. His eyes were open and staring blankly skyward and blood covered his chest. 

“Oh my god,” I breathed. “Where the hell did they come from?” 

“They use the trees,” Finn realized.

I nocked an arrow, sure to be ready for another attack. 

“We shouldn’t have crossed the boundary,” Diggs said. 

“Now, can we go back?” Roma asked.

I caught a glimpse of a dark figure in the corner of my eye. I turned in that direction, aiming my arrow, but there was nothing. My breaths quickened as more and more figures popped up around us. 

“We should run,” Finn whispered. 

Bellamy nodded and we took off as fast as we could. The Grounders chased us, unrelenting and we headed deeper into the woods. We were actually going away from camp but it was our only option. Grounders blocked every other direction which made me think they were leading us somewhere. It was not a pleasant thought. 

“I can’t run much longer!” Jasper gasped as he slowed down, clutching at his chest. I slowed down beside him, and raised my bow again. I doubted he could defend himself in his state. 

“I’m not stopping for him!” Diggs protested.

“I’m sick of running anyway,” Bellamy said, stopping.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Finn asked.

“They know where she is.”

I pursed my lips. That was probably true, but I couldn’t help wondering how he planned on getting them to tell us. I had a feeling it wouldn’t be anything good. 

“Diggs!” Roma called. “Where are you?”

He yelled her name and she ran after him. We followed her and heard her scream. Before we could reach her, she ran away, panicked. And as I joined the others, I understood why. Diggs was dead, three spikes impaled in his body. God, they were picking us off like flies.

“They’re leading us here,” Jasper realized, confirming my earlier fears. “It’s the only direction we could run in.” 

“Where’d they go?” Finn asked.

We looked around but there was no sign of the Grounder. Which could mean only one thing.

“After Roma,” Bellamy answered. 

We ran after her, following her footprints. Monroe spotted her first, leaning against a tree.

“There she is. Roma!”

We approached and I swallowed a scream as I saw she was dead, impaled to the tree with a spear.

“They’re playing with us,” Finn said.

Bellamy closed her eyes, looking guilty. “She only came because of me.”

“They can kill us whenever they want,” Finn added.

“Then they should,” Jasper said. He looked around with a dark, desperate expression on his face. And then, he started screaming. “Get it over with! Come on! We know you’re out there! You wanna kill us?”

Finn and Bellamy tried to restrain him but he kept yelling and before long, Grounders appeared everywhere. One of them was running straight for us. I drew my bow, aiming at his chest. It was a long distance, and a moving target, but I could hit him. I exhaled slowly, and released the arrow. I could almost hear it sailing through the air before it sank deep into the Grounder’s chest. He keeled over and stopped moving. 

I blinked and took a breath. Strange, how I felt almost nothing at killing him. Maybe it was shock. But I barely felt a pang of guilt. It was him or one of us. And I wasn’t going to let them take any more of my people. 

One of the Grounders let out a scream of rage and they all ran towards us, but suddenly, the sound of a horn blew in the distance. They fled without hesitating but I barely registered it, still staring at the body. Maybe I was feeling a little more than I thought. 

“That horn,” Jasper began. “What does it mean?”

“Acid fog,” Finn answered.

“We have to run,” Monroe said.

“There’s no time.”

Finn pulled a tent out of his pack and laid it on the ground. From the corner of my eyes, I saw Monroe, Jasper and himself disappear under it. But I couldn’t move. What was wrong with me? It wasn’t like I hadn’t killed before. I put Atom out of his misery. This wasn’t any different. As I was protecting him from his suffering, I was protecting my friends from a terrible end. 

“Y/n, come on!” Bellamy said.

I shook myself free of my paralyzation. We were practically at war. I had to learn to be okay with death. Even if it came at my hand. Regardless, I found myself unable to breathe, as I lie beneath the material of the tent, pressed tightly against Bellamy’s body. 

“Hey breathe,” he whispered in my ear. I looked over at him, trying to keep myself from spiraling into a mental breakdown. “Breathe, Y/n.” 

I inhaled and exhaled until I felt calmer. 

“It’ll get easier, firecracker. You’re alright.” 

I gave him a tight lipped smile. “I know.” 

“How long are we supposed to wait?” Jasper asked.

“Will this even work?”

“We’ll find out,” Finn answered.

“No, we won’t,” Bellamy said. He stuck his head out, followed by the rest of us.“There’s no fog.”

“Maybe it was a false alarm,” Finn offered.

In the treeline, I caught a glimpse of another grounder. The others saw him too. 

“They’re coming back,” Bellamy said.

“No, I think he’s alone,” Jasper murmured. 

“Now can we run?” Monroe asked.

The Grounder was still running, getting further away with each second.

“He doesn’t see us,” Bellamy realized. “I’m going after him.”

“Right now?” Finn whispered. “And then what? Kill him?”

“No,” I said, knowing exactly what Bellamy planned, my face twisting with distaste. I didn’t approve, but maybe it was necessary. I wasn’t sure what to think anymore. “Not kill him.” 

Bellamy offered me a sympathetic smile. I appreciated that. “We catch him. And we make him tell us where Octavia is.” 

“Then we kill him,” I finished. Bellamy raised an eyebrow, but something in his eyes told me he appreciated the support. I wasn’t sure why I said it. Maybe because I knew that was likely the outcome. Nausea twisted my stomach. I had to get a grip on myself. 

He started walking towards the Grounder and I followed. Discreetly, we tailed the Grounder through the forest. It wasn’t long until he stopped. He knelt and pushed some sort of crate covered with moss away. He disappeared under it. We waited a few seconds and followed. Bellamy jumped down first and extended his arm to help me. Once we were all inside, I realized we were in a network of caves that was carefully hidden. I hoped the Grounder was alone and we hadn’t stupidly walked into a trap. 

Deeper within the dark cave, I heard a metallic rattling. Slowly, we headed in that direction. I pulled my knife from my boot and gripped the hilt tight, knowing a bow wouldn’t be very effective in close quarters. 

When we reached the large chamber at the end of the tunnel, I breathed a sigh of relief. Octavia was here, chained to the wall, next to the unconscious grounder. 

“Octavia!” Bellamy called as he ran to her. He freed his sister and pulled her into a tight embrace. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”

She was limping and had an ugly head wound but despite that, she seemed alright.

“How did you find me?” she asked as she hugged me, then Jasper.

“We followed him,” he answered, gesturing to the Grounder.

“We should go,” she said. “Now, before he wakes up.”

“He’s not going to wake up,” Bellamy said, his face dark. He took a spear that was resting against a wall and headed for the grounder. 

“Bellamy, stop!” Octavia protested. “He didn’t hurt me, let’s just go.”

“They started this.”

I grabbed Bellamy’s arm. “Maybe. But if he didn’t hurt her, maybe it’s best to just go. Don’t take the offensive here.” 

He seemed to consider it for a second, but shook his head. I sighed. Why did I think he would ever listen? 

“Finn, move!” Bellamy ordered. 

Finn had knelt beside the Grounder and had a horn in his hands. The one, I realized, that had probably been blown when the Grounders were attacking us. Perhaps not all the Grounders were intent on killing us. I approached Finn and crouched down beside him, staring at the unconscious man. He didn’t seem so threatening. 

That thought fled from my mind as the Grounder snapped up and stabbed Finn before any one of us could react. I fell to my side, as Finn collapsed. A stinging in my arm caught my attention. Warm, sticky blood dripped from the wound. The dagger must have caught me before it impaled Finn. 

The Grounder tripped Bellamy, and pinned him to the ground. Panic exploded in my chest as I realized that Bellamy might die. Ignoring the pain in my arm, I bolted forwards, slashing the Grounder across the back with my weapon. 

“Leave him alone!” I screamed. 

The Grounder reeled on me, grunting in pain. I didn’t back down, ready to strike again, but he grabbed my jacket and rammed me against the wall of the cave, my head taking the majority of the blow. Black spots danced in my eyes. Ringing filled my ears. Blood dripped from my nose. My knife fell from my fingers, and I tried to keep my eyes open, but it felt like my head was filled with cotton. Painful cotton that pounded on my skull and muted my thoughts. 

Jasper came to the rescue, and struck the Grounder in the head with a metal pole. The man collapsed, unconscious once more. I too, fell to the ground, unable to retain my balance. The world spun around me, and I vomited. That probably wasn’t a good sign. 

“We have to get to camp,” Jasper said frantically, staring at Finn’s limp body. I hoped he was okay. Shit, I hoped  _ I  _ was okay. 

Jasper and Octavia each put one of Finn’s arms around their shoulders. He grunted from the pain, his head lolling on his shoulders. I tried to get up but my head spun and I collapsed once more. This time, my vision tunnelled.  _ Really  _ not a good sign. 

Bellamy rushed to my side. “Y/n, are you okay? You’re so pale.”  

“Mm, I’m I am, I’m alright. I’m alright, okay,” I slurred, barely comprehending what I was saying. “I can stand.” 

I tried to get to my feet again, but could barely walk. Bellamy shook his head, and before I knew it, he’d lifted me into his arms. I didn’t fight it. I just wanted the pain to stop, but my headache only grew as we headed back to camp. 

When we finally reached camp, I was so relieved I could have cried. Jasper started yelling for Clarke and I winced at the sound. 

She ran to us, looking worriedly at Octavia and me. And although the both of us certainly needed medical care, we weren’t the priority. Finn was. When Clarke saw his state, she paled.

“Bellamy wouldn’t let me take the knife out,” Jasper explained.

“No, that was a good call. Get him into the dropship. Now! Go!” Clarke ordered, before turning to Bellamy. “What’s wrong with Y/n?” 

“She took a blow to the head,” Bellamy said, his voice laced with worry. I couldn’t help smiling internally. He cared, if even just a little. “And she’s been slipping in and out of consciousness.” 

Well, that was news to me. 

Clarke frowned. “The blood isn’t a good sign. She probably has a really bad concussion. Get her to the top floor of the dropship. She’ll need as much quiet as possible.” 

Bellamy nodded and carried me towards the dropship.

“You’ll be okay, Y/n,” he whispered. “I promise, I won’t let anything happen to you.” 

There it was. I’d extended an olive branch, and he’d taken it. I curled into him, taking comfort in his warmth, and smiling softly to myself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're enjoying!!


	7. Contents Under Pressure

Outside of the dropship, a storm raged like Poseidon himself had risen from the ocean to assail us, like we’d done something to offend him. The wind beat on the metal so violently I thought the entire thing might fall over. Beneath my palms, I swore I could feel the dropship vibrating in protest, determined to stand tall against the hurricane. 

My head pounded ever so painfully. I’d regained the ability to speak normally, and my stomach wasn’t constantly fighting to eject itself from my body anymore. But I knew I was far from healing completely. I knew that I had to rest, keep my brain from being too stimulated, but I didn’t want to be alone up here. And I had a gut feeling that the concussion wasn’t as bad as it appeared. Something else was wrong with me. What, I didn’t know. Maybe I was just making excuses. 

Downstairs, Finn’s grunts of pain made my stomach twist. His life was in Clarke’s hands, and I couldn’t imagine the pressure of that. I prayed that he would come out alive. But I believed in Clarke. She would succeed. 

A crack of thunder outside shook the dropship. I groaned. Why did everything have to be so loud? 

The hatch to the top level opened and Octavia popped her head up. “Hey.” 

“Hey,” I responded. 

“Feeling any better?” 

“My head yeah, a little,” I admitted. “But I still don’t feel...right. Maybe that sounds crazy.” 

Octavia shrugged. “Nah, I get it. I don’t know that anything is crazy down here.” 

I laughed softly. “Yeah, I’m beginning to get that.” 

“Clarke wanted me to check if your pupils were dilated or anything,” Octavia said, which explained the flashlight in her hand. 

“Go for it. You know what you’re doing, right?” 

“No.” 

I shrugged. “Well, none of us do, so whatever.” 

Octavia held the light in front of my eyes, and I tried not to squint at the harshness of it. She made a face. “Well, I think your pupils are functioning fine. Clarke said that if they’re going big and small then you’re probably fine. And they are, so.” 

“Anything else?” 

“You know your name, right?” 

I sighed. “Yes. Y/n Kane.” 

“Alright, I think you’ll live.” 

“Thanks, Octavia.” I smiled at her, and she smiled back. 

Octavia took a seat beside me. “You know, they got the radio running. Maybe after they heal Finn you could talk to your dad.” 

I glanced at her curiously. “I’m amazed you don’t hate me, you know. My father is just as bad as Jaha. Your brother and everyone else didn’t trust me when we’d landed.” 

“I’m not everyone.” She nudged my shoulder and I let out a breathy laugh. Trauma brought people together, at least. And now, I was looking on the brighter side of things. Funny how much earth had changed me. 

“Thank you,” I replied. “For being my friend.” 

“I think we both could use a little more companionship.” 

I was going to respond, but then the hatch opened once again, and much more violently this time. Bellamy’s soaking wet head popped up and he flashed me a smile. I smiled back. 

“Hey there, firecracker,” he greeted me, crouching down in front of me. “How’s the head?” 

“Better,” I reassured him. I could almost feel Octavia’s teasing, judgemental glance from beside me. “Where’ve you been?” 

I got my answer as Miller and Drew climbed up, carrying the unconscious grounder who’d attacked us. My smile dropped, and the air shifted; heavier, darker. 

“What the hell are you doing?” I asked, getting to my feet. Octavia stood beside me, infuriated. 

“What needs to be done,” Bellamy replied. 

“No! Stop it!” Octavia yelled, rushing for Miller and Drew who’d begun stringing up the Grounder by his wrists. 

Bellamy grabbed her arm. “Octavia, get out of here!” 

“I told you, he was protecting me,” she fumed. “You didn’t have to do this!”

“This isn’t about you. I’m doing this for all of us.”

“You did that for all of us?” she accused, gesturing at the bruises on the Grounder’s face.

“No,” he answered darkly. “I did that for Finn, and Jasper, and Diggs, and John, and Roma.”

“It wasn’t even him!”

“You don’t know that. We need to know what we’re up against. How many are there? Why are they killing us? And he’s gonna tell us right now.”

He walked to the Grounder but Octavia tried to stop him.

“No, Bellamy, please!”

He shook her off. “Miller, get her out of here.” 

“I was there,” she protested. “I swea- Hey! Get off of me!”

She yanked her arm out of Miller’s grip, scowling. She then turned to me, her eyes pleading.

“You can’t be okay with this,” she said. “Tell him to stop!”

“Stop?” Bellamy scoffed. “Look at her face, her arm. He hurt her. If you think I’m stopping now-”

“Y/N, please!” Octavia begged.

I hesitated. On one hand, tying someone up and torturing them was beyond wrong. It was horrifying, an act so despicable I could barely stand to think about it. On the other hand, three people had just died and if we did nothing, we were as good as dead. This was war. If the Grounder had answers, we needed to hear them.

I looked at Octavia apologetically, staying silent. We’d just declared ourselves friends moments before, and now it felt like I was betraying her. 

She sneered at Bellamy. “I don’t even think he speaks English. He won’t understand you.” 

She climbed down as Bellamy approached the Grounder.

“Oh, I think he will.”

I sighed deeply after Octavia was gone. The entire situation was messed up.

“What’s your name?” Bellamy asked.

The Grounder stayed silent, staring at the wall.

“Your name,” Bellamy insisted. “What is it?”

Still, he stayed silent. And he remained silent through every question Bellamy asked, through every lash he inflicted. I couldn’t look away, torn between wanting to help the Grounder, and wanting to know how to stop the Grounders from killing us. God, this was awful. 

An hour later, the storm got worse. We could hear trees falling in the distance, the wind howling, and the rain was deafening. The ship lurched, and I fell forwards, onto my hands and knees. I let out a grunt of pain, but it wasn’t that bad. Even so, Bellamy was at my side, holding me. 

“Drew, go see if that was a Grounder attack,” he ordered. “Miller, check the restraints.” 

Both did as they were told. Bellamy stayed with me and gently cupped my face in his hands. I shrugged him off. 

“I’m fine,” I said. “Didn’t hit my head again.” 

Bellamy stroked my arm, and comfort filled me from my core. “Just making sure.” 

I smiled, and stared into his loving eyes. “Thank you, Bellamy.” 

Drew came back up at that moment, and Bellamy turned to him.

“What the hell was that? Are we under attack or not?”

“Storm damage,” Drew answered. “We’re okay.”

I was not. When I said earlier that I didn’t think my head was much of the problem, I was right. Dull pains ached in my veins, in my stomach, in my muscles. I clutched at my middle as Bellamy helped me back a sitting position. He threw me a wary look, but didn’t say anything. 

“We’re gonna try this one more time,” Bellamy said, turning back to the Grounder. “What’s your name?”

The Grounder stayed silent and Bellamy clenched his jaw in anger.

“Where’s your camp? How many of you are there?”

“Hey!” Miller called suddenly. “Check it out.”

He was kneeling next to the Grounder’s pack, which had a box that contained a series of vials in it. I made my way over to Miller, trying my best to look fine, so no one would worry about me. 

“What is all this stuff?” 

“Who the hell knows with these people,” Bellamy answered. He was ready to dismiss the box but I grabbed it. 

“I don’t know exactly what they are, but some of these are definitely poison,” I explained. “Which would beg to reason that the others are antidotes. Or medicine. No one in their right mind would carry poison without having the antidote on them.” 

As the words came out of my mouth, the pain inside of me seemed to make more sense. Maybe the knife that the Grounder used to stab Finn and me was poisoned. I shook my head. Even if it was, Finn’s life was more important. He needed the antidote more than I did, and if there wasn’t enough to administer, I would be sure he got it first. No one needed to know I’d been poisoned. Although, I had a feeling that if I was, everyone would know soon. 

Bellamy reached into the Grounder’s pack and pulled out a leather bound notebook. He flipped it open and we saw drawings on almost every page or forests, animals and ruins.

“These aren’t bad,” Bellamy said. But as he turned the next page, we saw a portrait of Octavia. Bellamy through the Grounder a dark look, but ignored it for the time being. As he skimmed through the book, he stopped on a drawing of our camp. And besides it, dozens of little marks. “It’s our camp. I’m guessing if I counted all those marks, it would add up to 103. Ten are crossed out. That’s how many people we’ve lost.”

He stood up, walking to the Grounder.

“They’ve been watching us ever since we got here.”

My stomach churned. I wasn’t sure if it was because of the eerie feeling of being watched by Grounders, or the poison taking effect. Either way, it wasn’t pleasant. 

Clarke came up the hatch just then, her hair disheveled and her hands covered in blood.

“How’s Finn?” I asked.

“Alive,” she answered. She was staring at the Grounder, wary. She tried to get closer but Drew stopped her.

“Get the hell out of my way!”

“It’s okay,” Bellamy said. “Let her through.”

She stared at the Grounder, taking in the bruises, the blood, and the restraints pulling on his wrists.

“Well,” she began. “If he didn’t hate us before, he does now.”

Bellamy scowled and pulled her away from the Grounder.“Who cares?”

“His people will care!” Clarke replied. “How long until they figure out where he is? And what happens when they do? When they come looking for him? Because they will.”

“Relax, princess. No one saw us take him. He was chained up in that cave the entire time and thanks to the storm, we didn’t see a soul on the way back.”

Bellamy untied the leather that kept the notebook closed and showed her the page with the marks.

“Look, in case you missed it, his people are already killing us. How many more of our people need to die until you realize we’re fighting a war?”

“We’re not soldiers, Bellamy!” She protested before gesturing at the Grounder. “Look at him. We can’t win.”

“You’re right. We can’t if we don’t fight.”

She was about to insist when Raven screamed that Finn was seizing from the first level. Clarke hurried down, and as soon as she was gone, Bellamy closed the hatch, locking it behind him. I feared I was right. Finn and I had been poisoned. I don’t know why it was taking longer to affect me. Maybe I’d gotten a smaller dose. Maybe it wasn’t fatal in small amounts. 

“Miller,” Bellamy said, his voice tired. “Take over.” 

Miller nodded, and reluctantly began to interrogate the man. Bellamy sat down next to me, and I found myself leaning on his shoulder. Out of embarrassment, I wanted to pull away, but he said nothing of it, so I let my head rest there. 

“Do you think I was wrong?” He asked. “Taking the Grounder here.” 

I mulled over it for a moment. “No. It’s like you said. We’re at war.” 

“It’s amazing that you still think I’m one of the good guys. I killed three hundred people yesterday.” 

“You didn’t,” I reassured him. “And you are one of the good guys, Bel. I’ve decided that, now. And you’ve got yourself a fiercely loyal friend.” 

He rested his head on top of mine. “You’re not even mad that I choked you? Shit, Y/n, I choked you!” 

I sighed. “I was. But I’m no better, Bellamy. How do you think I ended up in the skybox? It wasn’t for smoking pot.” 

I couldn’t believe I was going to tell him. Despite everything, Bellamy was the one I was closest to down here. If I didn’t come clean to him, I doubted I could tell anyone. 

“It’s hard to think you ever did anything bad in the first place,” he mused. “You’re too good for this world.” 

“I almost killed someone,” I whispered. “On the Ark. A medical staff member. I was so mad after my mom died, so incredibly broken and uncontrollable. My fury was all I was. It was my every thought, my every feeling, my every action. I wanted someone else to feel what I was feeling. I wanted to hurt the doctor that failed to save my mother. I know now that her illness was truly just fatal, but back then, I couldn’t reason anything. I almost killed him, and in turn almost killed a child who relied on his medical attention that night. I’m not as good as you think I am.” 

“None of that matters down here,” he replied, his voice soft. I didn’t know why, but that was exactly what I was hoping he would say, and it was a comfort. “You get a fresh start. And you’ve sure made a hell of one.” 

I laughed. “Thanks, Bellamy.”

He took my hand and rubbed his thumb over my knuckles. I welcomed the gentle touch. “You get to be so much more than what everyone judges you to be.” 

Clarke pounded on the hatch, desperately screaming to get in. “Open the door!” 

Miller removed the box that kept the hatch closed and opened it. Clarke climbed in, ordering him to get out of her way. Octavia followed, still limping. Bellamy got up as Clarke walked up to the Grounder, her face contorted in anger. She held a knife up to his face, and I realized it was the one the Grounder had used to stab Finn.

“What’s on this?” Clarke demanded.

“What are you talking about?” Bellamy asked.

“He poisoned the blade. All this time, he knew Finn was gonna die no matter what we did! What is it? Is there an antidote?”

Bellamy shot a concerned glance my way, but I just shrugged. Again, Finn needed the antidote more than I did. 

“Clarke, he doesn’t understand you!” Octavia protested.

“It’s gotta be here,” he said.

Clarke grabbed the box of vials. “Which one?” 

“Answer the question!” Bellamy ordered.

The Grounder stayed silent. He was looking at Octavia, who seemed desperate.

“Show us,” she begged. “Please.”

“Which one?” Clarke repeated. “Our friend is dying down there and you can stop that!”

The Grounder remained quiet, his face blank, his body still.

“I’ll get him to talk,” Bellamy said.

“Bellamy, no!” Octavia protested. She grabbed his arm and tried to pull her back but he pushed her away.

“He wants Finn to die! Why can’t you see that?” he yelled at her before turning to Clarke. “Do you want him to live or not?”

“Clarke,” Octavia begged, looking for support, “you even said it yourself. This is not who we are. He was protecting me. He saved my life.”

“We’re talking about Finn’s life!” Bellamy replied.

They both looked at Clarke, awaiting her answer.

“Do it,” she said.

“No,” Octavia breathed.

Bellamy moved to one of the seats as Octavia begged the Grounder to tell us which was the antidote. But he kept staring at her in silence. Miller and Thomas started to push her back as Bellamy ripped one of the seatbelts. He cut the shirt of the Grounder, baring his chest.

“You’re gonna show us the antidote,” he said, “or you’re gonna wish you had.”

Octavia begged him to stop, but Bellamy struck, the metal of the belt hitting the Grounder with a sickening noise. He grunted, the only sign of the pain he must be feeling. But I let out a groan, unable to ignore the burning within me anymore. Thankfully, no one spared me a glance. I gritted my teeth, and wiped away a few beads of sweat. Finn needed it first. He was dying. I was only suffering. 

“Which one?” Clarke asked again, pleading for the answer. But still, he did not divulge. 

“Enough!” Octavia yelled after another swing of the belt. The Grounder was panting, struggling to stay on his feet.

“Clarke!” Raven’s voice echoed from the lower levels. “He’s getting worse!”

“We’re running out of time,” Clarke said as she knelt in front of the Grounder again. “Which one? Which one is it? If you tell us, they’ll stop! Please, tell us which is the antidote and they’ll stop this.”

At the lack of answer, Bellamy threw the belt away. He turned away from the Grounder and for a brief second, his mask of indifference dropped. He had a haunted look on his eyes and his hands shook. He met my gaze and his jaw clenched. He then took a metal rivet, turning back to the others.

“If that didn’t work, maybe this will. Clarke, you don’t have to be here for this.”

“I’m not leaving until I get that antidote.”

He turned to me, and I shook my head. I wasn’t going anywhere. Although, truthfully I wasn’t sure I could if I had even wanted to. His gaze lingered on me for a moment, and I feared my pain was showing, but he turned away. 

“Last chance,” he told the Grounder.

The Grounder remained silent, and Bellamy struck, impaling his hand with the rivet. I had to fight off the urge to throw up as I saw the wound, and the blood leaking from it. The Grounder’s arm was shaking, but his face was blank. Torture clearly wasn’t going to work on this man. 

“What’s taking so long?” Raven demanded, joining us on the top level. “Finn stopped breathing!” 

“What?” Clarke yelled, panicked.

“He started again but next time, he might not.”

“He won’t tell us anything,” Clarke told her, gesturing at the Grounder.

“Wanna bet?” Raven said. She walked to the wall and started ripping out wires. The wires broke and electricity crackled, making the Grounder jump.

“What are you doing?”Bellamy asked.

“Showing him something new,” she growled. 

For the first time, the Grounder looked afraid. He was staring at the wires with terror, trying to get away from them. But Raven pushed them against his skin and he started screaming as electricity coursed through his body.

“Which one is it?” Raven screamed. “Come on!”

She electrocuted him again, tears of despair running down her face. “He’s all I have!”

“No more!” Octavia shouted. She had the Grounder’s knife in her hand. My eyes widened. 

“He’s letting Finn die!” Raven protested.

Before we could react, Octavia cut herself deeply with the knife.

“Octavia, no!” Bellamy yelled.

“He won’t let me die,” she said, looking at the Grounder.

“Octavia, what the hell did-”

She pushed past Bellamy’s outstretched arms, kneeling in front of the Grounder. She pointed at the vials, asking for the antidote. To my surprise, he leaned his head to the right and when she seized the smallest vial, he nodded. She gave it to Clarke, who ran downstairs with Raven.

Bellamy tried to pull his sister up but she shoved him away.

“Don’t touch me!” She snarled.

Octavia rolled a piece of cloth around the wound, and climbed down the ladder. Miller and Drew soon left as well, and then it was just Bellamy, the Grounder and me. Now that I was sure Finn would receive the antidote, I allowed myself to feel my pain. 

I fell to my side, panting, groaning, screaming in pain. Foaming at the mouth, I writhed, as if my body was searching for a way out of the intense agony I felt. 

Bellamy rushed to my side. “Shit, Y/n. You were cut too! You must have been poisoned! Why didn’t you say anything?” 

“Finn,” I coughed out, struggling to make my words comprehensible. “Finn needed it first.” 

“Bull. CLARKE! We need the antidote up here!” Bellamy held my head in his hands, and I managed to meet his eyes. Terror filled them. Tears leaked from my own. I screamed again in pain, and he stroked my hair. “It’ll be okay. CLARKE!” 

My eyes rolled back into my head and I started seizing. It was a strange sensation, like I was floating between a painful reality and silent afterlife. And it was terrifying. All that kept me grounded was Bellamy’s presence. He always kept me grounded. 

Vaguely, I was aware of glass against my lips, and a cool liquid slaking down my throat. Slowly my body calmed. The pain in my every nerve faded, though the pounding in my head lingered. I blinked and looked up at Bellamy’s face, before exhaustion overcame me and I plunged into sleep. 

 


	8. Day Trip

The greatest thing about Monty and Jasper was their exasperating jubilance. Their optimism was refreshing from the angst I got in any conversation with everyone else. I expected nothing less from a couple of dorky genius stoners. I wished I had spent more time with them before now. I really enjoyed their points of conversation. Like how to produce paper from hemp. 

I popped another small green nut in my mouth and smiled at Monty and Jasper. “You guys crack me up, you know that?” 

They grinned back. 

“You’re one of the few that can take our jokes,” Jasper replied. 

“Then everyone else sucks.” I laughed, and pulled them into hugs. “Thanks for keeping my spirits up.” 

I sauntered away from them towards the tent with the radio to the Ark. On the way, I ate another of the sweet and savory nuts. They were unlike anything I’d tasted before and I didn’t recognize them from my earth skills classes, but no one was dying so I figured it’d be okay. 

I pushed the flap of the tent aside and kicked Dax off of the screen. I swore I caught a glimpse of the guard called Shumway, one I never liked, but I didn’t think much of it. It didn’t make sense for Dax to be talking to him. 

I pulled on the headset and found myself face to face with my father. I had been expecting Jaha, and therefore a few extra minutes to prepare myself for this moment. But here he was, Marcus Kane, my father who I haven’t seen in weeks. 

I thought I was prepared for this, but now I sat here, frozen, staring. I tried to make myself smile, but nothing responded. Whether I was overjoyed or terrified of this conversation, I wasn’t sure. 

“Y/n,” he said. “It’s good to see you. Really good.” 

I let out a breath. “You too, Dad.” 

There was a beat of silence, and then, in unison, we said, “I miss you.” 

My father smiled kindly, and I recognized the gentle twinkle in his eyes from my childhood, the fatherly love I’d felt before our family fell apart. “Y/n, I love you. I just want you to know that.” 

A pang of worry struck me. “Why are you saying it like that? You’re coming down on the exodus ship, right? You have to be one of the seven hundred.” 

He gave me a sympathetic smile. “Perhaps. But there are others much more deserving than I.” 

“Because of the culling,” I said flatly. He nodded. “It would have happened anyway. Please understand that. Please come down on the ship. Come home, Dad. Home.” 

My voice hitched, but I couldn’t help it. The thought of losing him was too much, after everything. All I wanted was a chance for us to try to be a family again. 

“I can’t promise anything,” he said, turning his eyes to the floor. “But I do not wish you any grief. Only the best.” 

I sighed. “You too, Dad.” 

Just then, Monty poked his head into the tent. I looked over at him, wiping a stray tear from my face. “Sorry to interrupt. Thought you might wanna know that Bellamy and Clarke are going on a mission.” 

“Without me?” I turned back to my father. “Sorry, gotta go. We’re not done here.” 

I hung up, and raced out of the tent. Before I caught up with them, I grabbed my weapons. If we were going back out into the woods, I had to be armed. 

“Hey!” I said, appearing right behind them. “You were going to go out without me? I’m offended.” 

Bellamy smirked. “It takes so little to ruffle your feathers, firecracker.” 

I punched him lightly, smiling. “I was kidding. I’m really not offended. Just glad I caught up. Seriously, though, where we going?” 

“Heading to an old bunker,” Clarke answered. “Jaha says that there’s stuff there that could help us make it through the winter.”   
“Great!” I said. “I’m in.” 

Both of them protested, but I ignored them and refused to head back to camp. Clarke gave in quicker than Bellamy did, but like I’d said the first day we landed, he couldn’t reign me in. 

After a while of trekking through the woods, we finally reached the coordinates on Clarke’s map. Standing at the top of the hill, I took in a breath. Beneath us were beautiful ruins. I took a moment to stare, imagining the structures standing tall and proud, people streaming in and out of the buildings, the air full of life and color. I wondered if our planet would ever be like that again. Some part of me remained hopeful, but I knew it likely wasn’t the case. 

I tore my eyes away from the scene and turned to the bunker that was the point of our mission. It was rusted shut, but we managed to heave it open with some difficulty. I stared down into the dark hole before us. Bellamy hopped down first and then helped me down. Mustiness greeted me, and the air turned cool and damp.

I scrunched my nose. “Delightful.” 

“Cheer up, firecracker,” Bellamy said. “There’s some blankets.” 

I rolled my eyes at him, and took to searching through the rest of the depot. Bold of him to tell  _ me  _ to cheer up when he was being so morose about what he’d done to Jaha. Frustration grew between the three of us, as we discovered nothing more of use than those blankets. Bellamy kicked over a barrel of dark liquid I assumed was grease. 

The clatter of guns rang in my ears. My eyes widened, and a surge of hope washed over me. Guns. We had guns! If they worked, we had a chance at defending ourselves against the Grounders. Finally, we had a stroke of luck. 

“This changes everything!” Bellamy said, hope in his voice too. It was the first I’d heard that in his voice, and it made me feel even better. 

Bellamy tossed Clarke and I each a rifle. First, he tried to teach Clarke how to shoot, and she picked up on it rather quickly. I myself had never been in such close proximity to a firearm, and needed a lot more work. I tried to tell myself it was just like firing a bow and arrow, but the kickback was a little more than I could handle. 

“You’re a great Robin Hood, but not such a good John Wick,” Bellamy remarked, standing so close beside me, I could feel the heat of his body. I tried to ignore the butterflies in my stomach. 

“Wanna bet?” I exhaled slowly, prepared myself for the kickback, and hit my target dead on. I glared at him, teasingly. “Now you absolutely don’t stand a chance.” 

He chuckled, but our light-hearted feelings slowly faded. Reality was a bitch. 

“Where are we going to store these?” Clarke asked. “Who’s gonna have access? You left the Grounder in Miller’s hands. You must trust him, right?” 

Bellamy nodded. “You should keep him close. The others listen to him.” 

I tilted my head in confusion. What was that supposed to mean? 

Clarke asked, “Why do I have to keep him close?” Her eyes strayed to Bellamy’s pack. “Wait, you’re planning on running, aren’t you? That’s why you took so many rations!” 

My heart sank. Of course he was. He was still so terrified of Jaha and what he would do to him when he made it down to the ground. I took a step away from him, towards the entrance. “You were going to run away? Without telling me? Or even saying goodbye? Really Blake?” 

He opened his mouth, probably to spill an apology, but I didn’t want to hear it. Even if he had told me, I would still be hurt. He was stupider than I thought if he was going to follow through with that dumb-ass decision to try and make it on his own out there. 

I climbed up the ladder, out of the depot to fresh air. It was nearing dark now, and the air was heavy with imminent rain. I stumbled over to a tree and fished into my jacket pocket for another nut to munch on while I waited for my anger to cool down and for the other two to come up. When I brought the nut up to my mouth, a curious sensation overcame me. Feeling light, like I was floating, I stared at the nut in my palm. But it wasn’t a nut anymore. In the center of my palm was a pool of blood. 

My heart sped up and I choked back a scream. I turned my hand over, and the blood slowly dripped to the ground. I shook my head, trying to make sense of it, but nothing made sense. Around me, the trees began to shift, upheaving from the soil and walking away. 

“What the hell?” I breathed. 

“Y/n,” A voice echoed behind me. I whirled around and found myself face to face with the doctor I assaulted on the Ark. He was covered in bruises and had a sickly smile on his face. “It’s time for you to make amends.” 

I took a few steps backwards, right into a tree, which immediately wrapped its branches around me. I struggled, but couldn’t break free. 

“You almost killed me because I couldn’t save your mother,” the doctor continued, advancing towards me. Malice was in his eyes, a sort of terrible evil that he didn’t show even when I attacked him. He was going to kill me. “But maybe you didn’t love her enough. Maybe it was you who couldn’t save her. And you couldn’t save the relationship with your father. You couldn’t save Wells or Charlotte. And now, you won’t be able to save Bellamy.” 

I snapped my head to the left, where I saw Bellamy kneeling on the ground, terror and tears in his eyes. The doctor pulled a gun from thin air and aimed it at Bellamy. Part of me knew that this wasn’t real, that it was only a hallucination from the nuts, but it felt so real. Everything felt so real. 

I thrashed against the wooden bonds of the tree. “NO! Please! Please don’t hurt him!” 

The doctor smiled emotionlessly and fired the gun. Blood poured from Bellamy’s chest, and I met his eyes, watched the life drain from them. I screamed until my throat was hoarse. 

At my feet, a rock grew legs and walked up to my shoulder. It whispered in my ear to tap it three times, and I knew then and there that nothing about this was right. I tried to make myself relax, but I had no idea if that would reverse the effects. Maybe I just had to let it wear off. 

Minutes, or maybe hours later, I couldn’t tell in my high state, the tree released me. I blinked and found that there was no talking rock on my shoulder, no doctor with a gun, no dead Bellamy. I exhaled slowly. None of it had been real. 

I checked in the bunker again to find it empty. Frantically, I searched the nearby area for any sign of my friends. I was slowly losing hope until I heard Bellamy screaming. Without hesitation, I raced towards the sound. 

Bellamy was on the ground, nearly in tears, talking to the air. I could only imagine the horrors he was seeing. I hoped everyone else had more pleasant hallucinations. 

“If you’re gonna kill me,” he was saying, “do it.”

I rushed to his side, still a little clumsy from the effects of the nuts. “Hey, Bel, listen to me, no one’s going to kill you. It’s me, it’s Y/n.” 

“What are you talking about?” he asked, pausing as if someone was answering him before he continued. “The radio. I didn’t know that would happen.”

I didn’t know what to do. He looked more and more panicked, looking around him with terror in his eyes. I tried to take his hand but he suddenly shoved me away, screaming at me to stop. I barely caught myself and cursed when I saw him running away.

“Bellamy!” I yelled. “Come back!”

I chased him through the woods, trying to find my footing on the difficult terrain. Eventually, Bellamy stopped, backing up against a tree and looked at me with fearful eyes.

“Stop,” he begged. “Please, stop, I’m sorry.”

I took a step towards him and he whimpered. My heart broke but I kept going, ignoring his pleas. He stopped breathing when my hand grasped his.

“It’s my fault,” he cried. “I’m sorry, I made a mistake.”

I pulled him against me, holding him as tightly as I could. Bellamy tensed up, his body shaking against mine.

“You’re okay,” I said. “You’re alright, Bellamy. Just come back to me.”

“I didn’t know, I swear,” he insisted.

“I know, Bel.”

“Y/n?” Bellamy whispered, finally recognizing me. 

I nodded. “Yeah, it’s me. It’s me.” 

Slowly, he calmed. I hoped his hallucinations were disappearing. I held him in my arms, grateful to hear his heart beating after witnessing the horrors of my own drug experience. For a while we stayed like that, until a branch snapped behind me. 

I whirled around, searching the dark for the source. “Clarke? Is that you?” 

There was no response. 

“I’m going to go see who that was. You stay here.” 

Bellamy grunted in protest, but wasn’t in any state to argue with me. I nocked an arrow and headed in the direction of the sound. After treading lightly on my feet for a few long minutes, I lowered my bow. As far as I could tell, there was no one here. Maybe I’d imagined it. 

When I turned around to head back to Bellamy, I found myself face to face with Clarke. I let out a yelp. 

“Christ, Clarke,” I panted, putting my hand over my heart. “You scared the shit out of me.” 

“Sorry. Where’s Bellamy?”

“That way.” 

I led her to where I’d left Bellamy, only to find he was gone. But we heard shouting coming from our left and we ran towards the sound. To our surprise, we saw Bellamy on the ground, staring in fear at Dax, who had a gun pointed at him. I clenched my hands into fists. So I had seen him talking to Shumway. I scorned myself for not taking that more seriously. 

“Put it down, Dax!” Clarke ordered, aiming her rifle at his chest. I myself drew an arrow. 

“Should’ve stayed down there, Clarke,” Dax said. “I tried not to kill you. But here you are and Shumway said no witnesses.”

“What is he talking about?” Clarke asked Bellamy.

“Shumway set it up,” he answered. “He gave me the gun to shoot the Chancellor.”

And now, Shumway wanted to erase all traces of his involvement by having Bellamy killed.

“Walk away now,” Dax told Clarke and I, “and I won’t kill you.”

“Put. It. Down,” Clarke hissed.

“Your choice.”

Clarke pulled the trigger, recognizing Dax wasn’t going to surrender. But there were no bullets left. We both ducked as Dax took his shot, the bullet hitting the trunk of a tree.

“No!” Bellamy yelled.

He launched himself at Dax, tackling him to the ground. He punched him, trying to pin him down, but Dax quickly took the advantage and shoved Bellamy away. I ran and lunged at Dax, but before I could land a hit, he pushed me back. He then tried to choke Bellamy with the side of his rifle.

“Get the hell off him!” Clarke yelled.

Dax hit her in the stomach harshly before she could reach him and she collapsed backward, the breath knocked out of her. But the distraction was enough for Bellamy to grab a bullet lying beside him and shove it as hard as he could in Dax’s neck. We watched in shock as he collapsed, choking on his own blood. Seconds later, he stopped breathing.

I reached for Clarke, helping her lean against a tree as she clutched at her stomach. Bellamy stumbled to us and sat down next to me, panting.

“You’re okay,” Clarke gasped.

“No, I’m not,” he replied in a hollow voice. “My mother…if she knew what I’d done…who I am… She raised me to be better, to be good.” 

“Bellamy-” Clarke tried to say, but he interrupted her.

“And all I do is hurt people. I’m a monster.” 

“Hey,” I said. “You saved my life today. And Clarke’s. And you may be a total ass half the time…but…I need you. We all need you. None of us would have survived this place if it wasn’t for you. You can’t run, Bellamy. I won’t let you.” 

“You have to come back with us,” Clarke pleaded. “You have to face it.”

“Like you faced your mom?” he asked.

Clarke sighed. “You’re right. I don’t wanna face my mom. I don’t wanna face any of it. All I think about every day is how we’re gonna keep everyone alive. But we don’t have a choice.” 

“Jaha will kill me when he comes down.”

“I won’t let him,” I said firmly. Clarke nodded. “No one will. We’ll figure something out.” 

“Well, can we figure it out later?”

“Whenever you’re ready,” Clarke said.

We stayed under that tree for some time, but eventually, we knew we had to get back. Bellamy stood up, offering a hand to the both of us. Clarke’s stomach was going to bruise badly but she could walk and we all headed to the bunker to collect the blankets and rifles. 

* * *

Camp was about as chaotic as I expected it to be. Everyone had taken the nuts, and the effects were wearing off. I heard Monty mention he was pretty sure he ate a pine cone because it told him to, and I couldn’t help but laugh. At least he hadn’t suffered much more than embarrassment. 

However, it wasn’t the nuts that was the source of the problem anymore. Everyone was panicking about the Grounder escaping from the dropship. Part of me felt relieved, but I also knew that could only mean an army would be upon us sooner rather than later. 

“What if he brings other Grounders back?” Miller asked. 

“They’ll kill us all!” Someone shouted. 

“Or worse!” Another added. 

“Let the Grounders come!” Bellamy challenged, startling the crowd. “We’ve been afraid of them for far too long. Why? Because of their knives and spears? I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of being afraid.” 

Together, we put the rifles on the ground. The others cheered and I couldn’t help but feel hopeful. With these, we had a real chance.

“These are weapons, okay?” Clarke said. “Not toys. And we have to be prepared to give them up to the guard when the drop ships come. But until then, they’re gonna help keep us safe.” 

“And there are plenty more where these came from,” Bellamy added. “Tomorrow, we start training. And if the Grounders come, we’re gonna be ready to fight.” 

I surveyed the hopeful crowd. “And with these, not only will we fight like hell!” 

The crowd cheered, and I stood taller, feeling much more confident. 

“But we just might win!” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting closer to the end!! Hope y'all are enjoying reading because I'm loving writing it!


	9. Unity Day

First it was drugs, and now it was alcohol. And strong alcohol at that. I never thought I’d see the day where I could try such things. Again, I found myself praising Monty and Jasper for existing. Moonshine tasted a lot different than I expected it would. Burning, and yet sweet. Like I was drinking liquid energy. I downed the drink and held out my cup to Jasper for another dose from the keg. Best Unity Day ever. 

In the background, Jaha spoke about the Unity Day celebration aboard the Ark. I always enjoyed partaking in that ceremony. It always inspired hope, and I loved a holiday that brought hope and happiness. 

“To our sons and daughters on Earth listening to this message: we will see you soon. The first Exodus ship will launch in under sixty hours, carrying the reinforcements that you need. So stay strong. Help is on the way. In the past week, we have seen the true soul of our people. The generosity and strength in our hearts in the face of strife. Every year after that, we will remember it. But enough from me. You are all here for the pageant anyway, right? Without further ado, I present the story of us.”

Jaha disappeared from the screen and the camera focused on the center of the room. The crowd cleared a space, and the pageant began. The children, each carrying a flag, walked in a circle around a little girl.

“Long ago,” she said, “when the Earth was on fire, 12 stations floated through space, all alone. Then one day, Mir floated by Shinzen and they realized life would be better together. The other stations saw this and they wanted to be together too. When all the stations were joined, they called themselves-”

The audio cut out. I snuck a glance at the screen and found it dark. Were I not inebriated, I might have wondered more about it, but I was buzzed and nearing a state of drunkenness. Deep within the recesses of my mind, a voice warned me to not get shitfaced while there’s a war brewing, but I ignored it. I never got to have this much fun on the Ark, so I was going to make up for it now if it was the last thing I would do. 

“Hey Y/n!” Miller waved his hand. “Come play drinking games with us!” 

I grinned. “Alright, your funeral!” 

“Pfft,” Miller laughed. “You’ve never played one drunk game in your life, Kane.” 

I flashed him a wicked smile. “And yet, you’re about to lose to me.” 

Time didn’t exist when drunk, I realized. It was like I’d transitioned to a different plane of existence as I learned, played, and destroyed Miller, Fox, and Sterling at the game. Clarke joined in halfway through, and proved to be a worthy opponent. She was almost better than me, I dare say. 

“Woo!” I pumped my fists in the air and cheered as I won yet another round. Everyone around me groaned, prompting my smile to grow wider. “Suck it! I warned you!” 

“Yeah, whatever, Kane.” Miller rolled his eyes. “One more round!” 

“I’ll win the Unity Day title!” I cheered, taking another swig. I couldn’t remember how much I’d had to drink anymore. Only a couple. Less than five, surely. Damn, I could barely count. How was I functional enough to play these games? I supposed they were created to be more fun while not sober, but still. 

Bellamy took that moment to approach me, and pull me away from the table. “I think you’ve had enough.” 

I pouted, and stumbled trying to get away from him. “Okay DAD.” 

He shook his head, smiling. I laughed, and then hiccuped. 

“Sorry firecracker. You’re going to blackout soon if you keep at it.” 

“Mmaybe, maybe that’s uh that’s what I wanted,” I slurred, punching him playfully in the shoulder. “You ever think ‘bout that?” 

Bellamy chuckled. “No. Because I know sober you tomorrow will have an even worse time if I let that happen.” 

He helped me to a turned over log and I took a seat. My head spun like the world around me. Nausea twisted my stomach around, something that I’d barely acknowledged before now. Maybe I should have eaten something before I drank so much. I leaned into Bellamy without really thinking about what I was doing. I guess it was true that alcohol really made you more confident, less worried about consequences. He put his arm around my shoulders and I smiled. 

“You’re so much better than people think, you know,” I murmured. “I think you’re probably one of my best friends, actually. May we meet again.” 

“What?” He chuckled, raising an eyebrow. “I’m right here. Not going anywhere.” 

“We might die at any point in time,” I reasoned. Or thought I reasoned. I was only half aware of what I was saying. “Just thought I’d get it in once.” 

“Alright, Y/n. We will. We’ll always meet again.” Bellamy stroked my hair.

I looked up at him, and smiled, and then I puked. Thankfully, not on him. I just barely missed his lap. 

“Feel better?” He asked, patting my back. 

I nodded. “Sorry.” 

“Ah, don’t be. I’ve had worse.” 

I made a face again and pretended to puke on him, giggling. He laughed too, and it was an elated, euphoric, if not a bit childish moment. Clarke ruined it. I loved her, but the serious look on her face brought the mood down. 

“Hey,” she said. “I need to talk to you.”

“Having fun yet, princess?” Bellamy asked.

“I’m serious.”

“You always are,” Bellamy said, rolling his eyes. “So talk.”

“Finn set up a meeting with the Grounders.”

My eyes widened. He’d actually reached out to our enemy and ask them for a meeting? Was he brave or just insane?

“I’m leaving to go talk to them,” Clarke added.

“Because impaling people on spears is code for ‘let’s be friends?’”Bellamy scoffed. “Have you lost your damn mind?”

“I think it might be worth a shot. I mean, we do have to live with these people.”

“Bellamy, I think she’s right.” I said, only aware the words leaving my mouth after I’d already said them. “If we can stop a war, shouldn’t we try?” 

Was it wisdom or nonsense passing my lips? I couldn’t tell. But whether the Grounders realized it or not, they definitely had the means to wipe us out. More weapons, more knowledge - especially now that the Grounder we’d captured had escaped - and more warriors. If we could have peace with the Grounders before they slaughtered us, I was all for it. 

Bellamy shook his head, unconvinced. “They’ll probably gut you and string you up as a warning.”

“That’s why I’m here. I need you guys to follow us, be our backup.”

“Does Finn know about this?”

Clarke pursed her lips. “Finn doesn’t need to know. And Bellamy, bring guns.”

* * *

I was still way too drunk for this, but at least I’d sobered up enough to walk straight, which meant I could fire straight. I hoped. I’d never tried to shoot my bow under the influence. I just hoped Bellamy didn’t make me bring a gun, because I was fifty percent sure I would end up shooting my own foot. Or worse.

Together, we stepped into the tent where Raven was hard at work splitting bullets and figuring which were effective and which were duds. Jasper, the guy we were searching for, was in there as well, and I flashed him a smile, thanking him for providing fantastic moonshine. 

“Jasper, you’re coming with us,” Bellamy said.

“I am?” 

“You handled yourself well in the cave with the Grounder.”

“I- I mean, I hit him in the head.”   
“Exactly!” I added. “You saved me.” 

Jasper was probably the only reason the Grounder hadn’t slaughtered us in the cave, when we had tried to rescue Octavia. Bellamy reached for the bullets but Raven stopped him, a hand on his chest.

“If you’re planning on shooting anything, you’d better think twice. I haven’t checked those yet.”

“Give me bullets that work.”

“What do you need them for?” Raven shot back.

“Your boyfriend is being an idiot.”

Raven gave him clips of bullets, her face set in a hard expression. “Then I’m coming with you.”

Bellamy nodded.

“We should get Clarke,” Jasper said.

Bellamy and I shared a look. Everyone in camp knew how tense and awkward the situation was between Finn, Clarke and Raven. But as it turned out, Raven didn’t need us to tell her exactly what her boyfriend was doing.

“Clarke’s with Finn, isn’t she?”

Raven sighed deeply at our lack of denial and I felt sorry for her. Neither Clarke nor her deserved the crap Finn was putting them through. But I couldn’t focus on that, not when we might have to fight for our lives soon.

Armed to the teeth, we set off into the woods, following Clarke’s trail of jobi nuts for us.

“At least, they’re good for something,” Bellamy said as he picked some up.

“Sorry about bringing up Clarke earlier,” Jasper told Raven. “That was awkward.”

“Shut up.” 

“Both of you shut up,” Bellamy ordered. “Keep your eyes open.”

We walked for what felt like hours, and might have been. By the time we reached the end of Clarke’s jobi nut trail, I was practically sober. The meeting it seemed would take place on a rusted bridge over a beautiful, gushing river. I wished I could jump into it, feel the cool water over my skin, maybe learn to swim. Unfortunately, now was not the most opportune time for that. 

“What’s Octavia doing here?” Jasper asked. I squinted up at the bridge, and saw her on the bridge with Clarke and Finn. Honestly, I wasn’t surprised. 

She was running towards a man, and it didn’t take me long to recognize him. It was the Grounder, the same that had kidnapped her, stabbed Finn and then escaped camp. They hugged tightly and he buried his head in her hair.

“I guess we know how he got away,” Raven remarked. 

I looked at Bellamy, wincing at the anger on his face. I could imagine what was going through his head at the moment. But he quickly focused back on the situation at hand when there was movement on the other side of the bridge.

I inhaled sharply, and couldn’t help the awe I felt. “Horses?” 

Looking at the riders atop them melted away my fascination. “Oh shit, they have bows.” 

Finn, Clarke and Octavia were unharmed, looking at the Grounders with alarm in their eyes. We couldn’t hear what was happening, but Clarke started walking towards the center of the bridge. A Grounder woman did the same, and I was relieved to see this one had no weapons, or none I could see. They met in the center, and from what I could see, the talks seemed to be going well. At least, Clarke hadn’t ended up with an arrow in her chest yet. 

“Grounder princess looks pissed,” Raven said after a while of just watching them talk.

“Our princess has that effect,” Bellamy replied.

I rolled my eyes, strangely annoyed at the nickname. I blamed my irrational annoyance on the remaining alcohol in my system. 

“Oh, no,” Jasper breathed out, tearing my attention away from the two on the bridge. “No, this is bad.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“There’s Grounders in the trees.”

My heart skipped a beat. I scanned the forest, trying to get even the slightest glimpse of those Grounders but I couldn’t see a thing.

“Are you sure?” Raven asked.

“I don’t see anything,” Bellamy added.

Jasper looked again and his eyes widened.

“They’re gonna shoot! Clarke, run!” He shouted.

Before we could react, he came out of our hiding spot and started shooting like a madman at the trees. I ran to the bridge, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to get a clear shot from the river. One of the riders was about to shoot but I quickly drew the string and my arrow pierced his arm instead.

“Y/n!” Bellamy shouted from the woods. “Let’s go!”

I took off, tearing through the woods, hoping none of them would shoot back at us. I didn’t relax until we’d all reached camp, and even then, I was still full of adrenaline. Panting, I crouched on the ground to take a rest. 

“You got something to say?” Bellamy challenged Finn, who was staring at him with daggers in his eyes. 

“I told you, no guns!” He yelled at Clarke.

“And I told you we couldn’t trust the Grounders! I was right.”

“Why didn’t you tell me what you were up to?” Raven asked Finn.

“I tried, but you were too busy making bullets for your guns!”

“You’re lucky she brought that!” Bellamy replied. “They came there to kill you, Finn.”

“You don’t know that! Jasper fired the first shot!”

“You ruined everything,” Octavia agreed. Looking at Jasper with hatred in her eyes, she stalked off towards her tent.

“I saved you!” Jasper shouted after her.

She didn’t turn back and he shook his head, disgusted.

“Well, if we weren’t at war already,” Finn said as Jasper left, “we sure as hell are now. You didn’t have to trust the Grounders. You just had to trust me.”

Both Finn and Raven left, entering the camp with dejected expressions on their faces and then, it was just Bellamy, Clarke and me outside.

“Like I said,” Bellamy scoffed. “Best Unity Day ever.”

I offered him a tired smile in support and shifted closer to him, so that the backs of our hands were touching. Such a gentle, warm touch made my skin tingle and my heart flutter. 

A boom tore me away from that feeling. Up in the sky, a ball of flame hurtled through the atmosphere. At first glance, it looked like a meteor, but it wasn’t. 

“The Exodus ship?” Bellamy said. “Your parents are early.”

I shared an excited look with Clarke. Suddenly, the confrontation with the Grounders didn’t seem all that disastrous. My father would fix everything. And finally, I would be reunited with my family. That is, if he took my advice and got himself on the first ship down. I figured he would have to even if he didn’t want to, a man of his status. 

“Wait,” Clarke said. “Too fast. No parachute. Something’s wrong.”

My smile fell and panic spread in my chest. Clarke was right. It was going way too fast. I could only watch with wide eyes as the ship disappeared behind a ridge, and a mushroom cloud of smoke and flames filled the sky. 

I froze, and lost the ability to support myself. I fell to my knees as I stared up at the smoke. I couldn’t scream or cry. All I could do was kneel on the ground, numb. 

My father had just died. I had just lost the last of my family. There was nothing I could have done to stop it, I knew that, but I couldn’t help the overwhelming feeling of powerlessness. 

My hand flew to my mouth and my throat grew tight with sobs. My father was dead.    
  



	10. I Am Become Death

Standing amongst the charred wreckage of the exodus ship, I’d never felt so hopeless. Not when I thought I was going to die, not when I lost Charlotte. The ship had been completely destroyed, and with it everyone inside. I knew that meant a small chance for the others on the Ark. We very well could end up being on our own down here. 

I searched for any sign of Marcus Kane amid the flaming debris, but every skeleton I came across was beyond recognition. Perhaps part of me found that comforting. I wouldn’t have to see my father’s corpse and know that he died suffering and in pain. But the rest of me was full of doubt, knowing that if I never found out the truth, I would torture myself with wondering for years. 

“Stay sharp!” Bellamy ordered behind me. He was tense, holding his gun tightly. “Grounder retaliation for the bridge is coming. Just a matter of when.”

“You blame them?” Finn scoffed.

“No, I blame you.”

“Maybe, if you didn’t bring guns-” 

“If we didn’t bring guns,” Raven interrupted him harshly, “we all would have been killed.”

Maybe. Maybe not. I couldn’t care less. The confrontation on the bridge was the farthest thing away from my mind.

“Why they’re coming doesn’t matter anymore,” Bellamy was saying to the others. “It’s our job to be ready when they do. We’re on our own, now.”

Since communication with the Ark had been cut during the pageant, we had been trying to reach them. But our calls went unanswered. And after the crash, I couldn’t help but think these were connected. Maybe they were all dead. I was alone, with nothing left but memories of the people I loved.

“Clarke, stop!” Raven yelled, abruptly and I turned around to see what the issue was. 

Clarke was standing next to a heavy piece of machinery. I was too far to hear, but I saw Raven kneel and dip a rock in a reddish liquid. I wasn’t a mechanic genius, but I recognized it as rocket fuel, otherwise known as hydrazine. Incredibly flammable stuff. 

“Fire in the hole!” Raven shouted, and threw the rock into the flames. The resulting explosion was so powerful I felt the ground beneath me shake. I felt sick. Was this how my father had died? Burnt alive in flames like these? I suppose there were worse, slower ways, but that wasn’t comforting. 

“We need to clear the area!” She told us.

“Okay, then,” Bellamy said. “We move in formation. No straggling. Weapons hot. We’ve got to get back before dark.”

I wanted to stay, keep searching for any sign of my father, but realistically I knew I wouldn’t find anything. Sighing, I reluctantly followed the others, and walked side by side with Bellamy. He stayed silent the whole way, and I appreciated it. What was there to say?

The moon was high in the sky by the time we reached the gate, but the camp was in frenzy. Connor ran to us, his eyes wide.

“Bellamy! He- he came out of nowhere! I told the others not to bring him inside, but they didn’t listen and-”

“Hey, calm down. What happened?”

“It’s Murphy. He’s back.”

Connor told us they had found him in the woods, injured and terrified. They had brought him into the dropship and Bellamy hurried inside, fury on his face. I followed with Clarke and Finn but I drew short once I saw Murphy. He looked terrible. One of his eyes was swollen shut and the rest of his face was covered in cuts. Blood coated his skin, his clothes were torn, and even breathing seemed difficult.

“Everyone but Connor and Derek, out,” Bellamy ordered. “Now!”

Finn and Clarke stayed put, and I wasn’t going anywhere either. Bellamy looked at me but didn’t say anything.

“He claims he was with the Grounders,” Derek informed us.

“We caught him trying to sneak back into camp,” Connor added.

“I wasn’t sneaking,” Murphy said, his voice barely audible. “I was running from the Grounders.”

“Anyone see Grounders?” Bellamy asked.

Connor and Derek shook their heads. Bellamy’s face hardened and he pointed his rifle at Murphy. “Well, in that case-”

“What’s wrong with you?” Finn said, pushing Bellamy’s gun down.

“We were clear what would happen if he came back!”

“No,” Finn protested, “if he was with the Grounders, then he knows things that can help us.”

“All he knows is how to kill children,” I snarled. Rage from the day that Charlotte died filled me again. Just looking at his face made me want to stab him. I tried to control that anger, stop myself from hurting him. Someday, I knew I would have to forgive him. I never had to be friends with him, I could hate him all I wanted, but when facing war I needed to realize the harsh truth that we all had to be on the same team no matter our pasts. 

“We hanged him,” Bellamy said, “we banished him and now, we’re gonna kill him. Get the hell out of my way.”

“No, Finn’s right,” Clarke said.

“Like hell he is, Clarke!” Bellamy yelled. “Think about Charlotte!”

“I am thinking about her,” she said. “What happened to Charlotte was as much our fault as his. He’s not lying, his fingernails were torn off. They tortured him.” 

“You and the Grounders should compare notes,” Finn told Bellamy.

“The Grounders know we’re at war,” Bellamy replied before he turned to Murphy. “What did you tell them about us?”

We waited in tense silence as Murphy looked at us, his hands shaking.

“Everything.” 

I cursed. This was a disaster. If the Grounders knew as much about us as I suspected they did, they had enough information to wipe us out.

“Once he’s better,” Clarke told us, “we find out what he knows, and then he’s out of here.”

“What if he refuses to leave?” Bellamy asked. “What do we do with him then?”

“Then we kill him.”

Bellamy left Murphy under watch, and we left the dropship. In a way, I was almost grateful for his return. It kept me from thinking about my father and I could focus on my anger instead of my grief.

“We need to double the guard, tonight,” Bellamy told me, still seething. “If that son of a bitch wasn’t lying, then the Grounders could be close. You have the best eyes in camp, you’re okay with taking a double shift?”

I nodded. I knew I wasn’t going to get any sleep no matter what I did. I climbed to my favorite spot on the wall, rifle in hand. I was still better with a bow, but I was improving quickly. For hours, I watched the woods intently, not allowing myself to think of anything else but the Grounders. Around four in the morning, Harper came to relieve me and I walked to my tent. I was so tired, I fell asleep before my head touched the pillow.

Bellamy burst into my tent in the morning, startling me awake. I blinked my eyes open, and shielded my eyes against the glare of late morning sun. I guess I slept later than I meant to. 

“What’s the matter now?” I asked, my voice a little harsher than I meant due to the sleep. 

Bellamy cupped my face with his hands, turning it side to side. “How are you? Feeling okay?” 

“Tired,” I replied, pulling his hands away. “But otherwise fine. Why?” 

Bellamy sighed, letting go of me. “Murphy didn’t escape, the Grounders let him go. They infected him with a virus, and it’s spreading through camp. Clarke said it’s a kind of hemorrhagic fever, whatever the hell that means. Derek just died.” 

I tilted my head and ducked out of the tent to see he was right. Everyone was on edge, holding cloths to their mouths. Inside the dropship, I heard moans and could only assume that was quarantine. 

“How many are sick?”  I asked.

“A dozen, for now. Clarke, too.” 

“Octavia?”

“She’s okay. Clarke’s keeping her on the second level.”

I could tell he wasn’t pleased about it. But at least she wasn’t sick. “I need to talk to Clarke.”

I walked toward the dropship, but Bellamy stopped me.

“You’re not going in there. You’ll get sick.” 

I was about to insist when someone started crying. We exchanged a look and headed for the dropship, where Andy and Miller had just put a body on the ground. Jessica was sobbing, looking at the dead girl with despair in her eyes.

“All right,” Bellamy said to the crowd. “Show’s over. Get back to your posts.”

Clarke exited the dropship and stood in front of us, dried blood under her eyes. She looked pale and weak, but she was still standing. I supposed that was something, at least.

“You got enough food in there?” Bellamy asked her. “Water?”

Clarke nodded. “Yeah. Some medicine might be nice.”   
She walked back to the dropship, but froze when Bellamy called Octavia’s name loudly, asking her if she was okay. Clarke turned around once more, looking at him with a strange expression on her face. Bellamy’s face fell. He went to enter the dropship but Clarke stopped him.

“Bellamy, wait. She’s not here. I sent her to see Lincoln. Look, if there’s a cure, he has it. I didn’t tell you because I knew you wouldn’t let her go.”

“If anything happens to her,” he replied his voice gruff, “you and me are gonna have problems.”

He stalked off, ignoring her calls. On one hand, I understood why Clarke had asked Octavia to see Lincoln. But on the other hand, she was Bellamy’s sister. And there was no telling what he would do if she was injured.

“Out of my way!” Bellamy ordered.

The boy turned around and I gasped as I saw the blood leaking from his eyes. I knew the disease was serious, but this? This was horrifying. How had the Grounders even weaponized it?

“Dude, your eyes!”

“Nobody touch him,” Aaron ordered, backing away.

“Get to the dropship,” Bellamy told the boy. “Now.”

Suddenly, a girl collapsed and coughed blood in someone else’s face. People started shouting, pointing their weapons at anyone who came to close to them. It was madness. I ended up next to Raven, the both of us trying to get away from the crowd. Bellamy was shouting at everyone to calm down, but I could barely hear him over the noise. The sound of gun firing echoed through the camp, quieting everyone down. We all turned to see Clarke, her rifle pointed at the sky.

“This is exactly what the Grounders want,” she said, walking towards the crowd. “Don’t you see that? They don’t have to kill us if we kill each other first-”

Aaron pointed his gun at her chest, his eyes wide. “They won’t have to kill us if we all catch the virus. Get back in the damn dropship!”

Before he could react, Bellamy had taken the gun from him and hit him in the throat. He stumbled, wheezing as he desperately tried to breathe through the pain.

“I hate to state the obvious,” Bellamy told Clarke, “but your quarantine isn’t working.”

Clarke didn’t answer. Her eyes closed and she stumbled, beginning to fall. Finn saw her and hurried over, ready to catch her before she hit the ground.

“Finn, don’t touch her!” Raven yelled.

But it was too late. He lifted her in his arms, looking at her worriedly. Beside me, Raven’s face fell. I put my hand on her shoulder, hoping it was comforting. 

“Let me go,” Clarke said weakly. “I’m okay.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Octavia will come back with a cure.”

“There is no cure!” Octavia yelled, as she broke through the crowd. Bellamy breathed out, the relief obvious on his face. “But the Grounders don’t use the sickness to kill. 

“‘Really?” Bellamy scoffed pointing at the dead bodies in front of the dropship. “Tell that to them! I warned you about seeing that Grounder again.”

“Yeah, well, I have a warning for you too. The Grounders are coming and they’re attacking at first light.” 

Panic spread even more, if that was possible. Already we were weak, sick, on the verge of death. If the Grounders came at dawn, there was no way we would survive. This may very well be our last night. 

* * *

By the time midnight fell, practically everyone in the camp was sick. Only a few had remained immune, including Finn and Octavia. And myself, it appeared. I had thought to set out into the woods to find some yarrow or sage to help bring down the fevers, but it was too dark to tell any plants apart, and it was way too dangerous this late.

I stepped inside the dropship, hoping to be able to help. The air was thicker in here, filled with the stench of sickness. I bit my lip and tried not to throw up. It was horrible, seeing all my people suffering like this. 

“Hey,” Clarke said, approaching me. “Glad you’re here. I could use some extra help.” 

I nodded. “Yeah, of course. Where should I start?” 

Clarke offered me a small, pitiful smile. “With Bellamy.” 

My heart dropped. I’d spent so much time guarding the wall I hadn’t noticed that Bellamy had gotten sick. Oh God. I looked around and immediately spotted him, lying unconscious on one of the mattresses. Dried blood caked his pallid face, and he was shivering. I collapsed to my knees next to him and put my hand on his forehead. It was hot, too hot. His eyes fluttered open and he smiled tiredly.

“Hey, firecracker,” he whispered. “What are you doing in here? You could get sick.” 

I stroked his hair and tried to hold back tears. Seeing him like this broke something inside of me. “Don’t worry about me. You’re the one coughing blood.” 

Octavia handed me a wet rag and a bowl of water, and I used it to dab at his forehead.

“I could never forgive myself if you got sick.” 

I shook my head and blinked away a few tears. “This virus isn’t your doing. I’m not going anywhere, Blake, alright? I’m not going to let you die. Just, please...please don’t die. I can’t lose anyone else.” 

He grabbed my hand and held it tightly against his chest. He then gave me one last weak smile and closed his eyes, losing consciousness in a matter of seconds. It was too much. First, my father’s death, then losing contact with the Ark and now this? Without the people I loved, I couldn’t survive. And whether I liked it or not, Bellamy had become one of those people. Until now, I hadn’t realized how much I cared about him. But as he lay there, unconscious, I was faced with the possibility of a world where he was dead. The hallucinations from the jobi nuts flashed through my mind again, seeing Bellamy dead. I couldn’t bear it. 

“You’re gonna be okay,” I whispered. “I promise.”

Someone kneeled next to me. I raised my head, scowling when I saw Murphy. He looked like he was doing better, and the unfairness of the situation made my blood boil.

“Of course, you’re still alive,” I muttered. 

“Don’t look too happy, Kane. Here, Octavia told me to give you this.”

He handed me a cup of water. Ignoring Murphy, I lifted Bellamy until he was leaning against me in a half-sitting position. I coaxed him into drinking the entirety of the cup, and laid him back down, his head on my lap.

“So when did that happen?” Murphy asked.

“What are you talking about?”

“You and Bellamy. You weren’t exactly friends when I left.”

“When we kicked you out, you mean,” I snapped, my voice cold. “Look, I’m grateful for your help. But if you think I’m going to just forget what you did, you’re mistaken. So for now, get the hell away from me.”

I saw something dark flash in his eyes for a second, but he left without protesting and I ignored it. I focused back on Bellamy. He looked peaceful as he slept, far from his usual tense expression. Using a wet cloth, I cleaned the blood from his face until there was no trace from the sickness but the unnatural paleness of his skin.

For another half hour, I sat there, attending to him and watching him sleep, before I finally felt it. My body grew warm, and my vision hazy. Blood dripped from my nose, thick and hot. I wiped it away, but it kept coming. I guess I wasn’t immune, just stronger than most. Kind of a win. I sincerely hoped Bellamy continued to remain unconscious while I suffered through the worst of the virus. I didn’t want him to worry about me. 

Gently, I lifted Bellamy’s head from my lap and laid it on the ground. Then I rolled over onto my knees and violently coughed. Crimson splattered the silver floor. I wiped my mouth, and my hand came away completely red. Too much. That was too much blood. Coughs wracked my chest, and I fell to my back. 

“Y/n?” Octavia was suddenly beside me, and turned me on my side. “Are you alright?” 

I coughed up some more blood. “Stellar.” 

She rolled her eyes. “You’re just like Bel.” 

My cheeks flushed, though that might have just been from the fever. Sweat prickled on my hairline and dripped down the side of my face. More blood trickled from my nose, and the corners of my mouth. Everything inside of me felt like it was on fire, like I was burning from the inside out. I almost preferred Lincoln’s poison to this torture. 

After another fit of coughing, I was able to accept a cup of water. It slaked down my throat, cool and refreshing. Of course, Bellamy picked that moment to wake up and take in my ill state. 

“Y/n, oh my God!” He sat up quickly, and his face grew paler. “I told you this would happen.” 

I smiled weakly. “Fine, you were right one time. I’ll let you get away with saying I told you so just this once.” 

He put a hand on top of mine. “You’ll get better.” 

“I know.” My vision tunneled, and haziness overcame me. The last words I said before blacking out were, “May we meet again.” 

* * *

When I awoke, this time Bellamy was above me, my head in his lap. Blood still stained his face, if only barely, as I'm sure it did mine, but he was smiling. 

“Good morning sleeping beauty,” he murmured, stroking my hair. “How are you?”

“A little thirsty,” I rasped, my throat raw and dry. Bellamy moved to get me a cup of water but Murphy beat him to it. Bellamy glared at him with daggers in his eyes. 

“Get the hell away from her,” he growled.

“It's okay.” Reluctantly I accepted the cup and took a sip of the water. Even after that little sip I felt better. “We're sick. He's just trying to help. I guess.” 

Bellamy looked at him warily. Blood ran down his nose, and Murphy handed him a cloth but he ignored it, rubbing the blood away with his sleeve.

“When I get better,” Bellamy threatened, “if you’re still here-”

“Hey,” Clarke interrupted, “I got this one.”

She sat down next to us as Murphy left, and gave Bellamy water as well. 

“You feeling better?” Bellamy asked her.

“Yeah.”

“That’s good. Have you seen Octavia?”

“She was up all night, helping people. Murphy gave her a break.”

“Don’t tell me you trust him now.”

“Trust?” She scoffed. “No. I do believe in second chances, though.” 

I snorted. I too believed in the magic of second chances, but it was going to be more than difficult for me to grant that to Murphy. He was trying to redeem himself, it seemed. But I was still so angry. 

“It’s almost dawn,” Bellamy noted. “Better get everyone inside. If we lock the doors, maybe the Grounders will think we’re not home.” 

“Not everyone’s sick,” Clarke protested.

“Sick is better than dead.”

“And if they’re not sick by now,” I added, “they’re probably immune anyway.”

“You don’t think Finn and Jasper are gonna pull it off.” 

“Do you?” Bellamy asked.

She considered it and sighed. “I’ll get everyone inside.” 

Bellamy helped me up and together we stepped out of the dropship. It took some convincing to get the others to enter the dropship, but the threat of the Grounders was enough for them to overcome their fear of the sickness. I had my bow in hand and next to me, Bellamy was gripping his gun tightly.

As soon as we started filing people inside, an explosion rocked the ground. In the distance, a mushroom cloud erupted into the clear blue sky, rising high above the trees. 

“They did it,” Bellamy breathed out.

Raven’s plan had worked. The bridge between our camp and the Grounders’ village was destroyed, and it would give us enough time to recuperate from the disease. We weren’t safe by any means, but the danger wasn’t imminent. I breathed a sigh of relief.

“I am become death,” Clarke said softly, “destroyer of worlds.”

Bellamy and I looked over at her.

“It’s Oppenheimer,” she clarified. “The man who built the first-”

“I know who Oppenheimer is,” Bellamy cut her off. 

“We did what we had to do, Clarke,” I reassured her. “We can’t afford mercy if we want to survive.”

She didn’t look convinced, but she didn’t argue either. Eventually, the crowd dispersed and the only one left were Bellamy and me. I turned to him, relieved when I saw he looked less pale than before.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” I told him. “You scared me for a second.”

He pulled me into a hug, and I let myself linger in his warmth, memorize his scent, enjoy his comfort. “I'm glad you're okay too. What would I do without my firecracker?”

“Probably stress less,” I teased. “And then, die, because of course I save your ass all the time.” 

“I recall the one time with the panther,” Bellamy replied, smiling, and punching me lightly in the shoulder. 

I looked up into his eyes, and as our gazes met, something more passed between us. More than a respectful loyalty, more than companionship. I realized how close we had been to losing each other. And how strange was it that the idea scared me that much, losing him. Bellamy Blake, whom I had first seen as an enemy. Now we were so much more than that. I couldn’t think of the right word to describe what I felt for him. But I knew, without a doubt, that I needed him. With my parents dead, he was all I had left in the world. How strange was it to care so deeply for someone I’d just met a few weeks ago?

I sighed, and grabbed his hand. “Bellamy?” 

“Yes, firecracker?” 

“Promise me you won’t die.” 

He squeezed my hand gently. “I don’t plan to anytime soon.” 

Tingles of warmth trailed up my fingers to my heart, and a pure happiness blossomed in my chest. I hadn’t felt like this in a long long time, and never truly believed I would again. Earth was fraught with danger, but because of it, I finally felt happy again. And even though our new adage around here had become kill or be killed, and we never knew if we would survive the day when we awoke, I was happy. 


	11. The Calm

Raven was arguably one of the smartest people I’d ever met, certainly giving Monty a run for his money. Building a dropship from scrap parts, building a bomb, taking apart these bullets to make the best use of them? I couldn’t imagine we’d have gotten very far without her. But right now, she was being absolutely dumb. 

I leaned against the table covered in piles of bullets and watched Raven steadily work to split bullets and turn one into two. Watching her work was mesmerizing, and I almost could have done it for hours, but I knew she couldn’t really just be enjoying this. She was trying to keep her mind busy so she didn’t have to think about her breakup with Finn. I hadn’t been there when it happened, but news traveled fast around here. 

“Are you okay?” I asked, after standing there in silence for much too long for my own comfort. 

Raven turned to look at me, and then resumed her work. “I’m fine, Y/n.” 

“Right.” 

She huffed. “I broke up with him, alright? I’m fine.” 

“No one who says they’re fine is ever fine,” I pointed out. 

“Well I am.” 

“Obviously.” 

Raven turned around, her eyes like stone. I recognized that look. It was like staring at my own reflection. Not in the way that I lost a romantic love, but in the way that I lost my family. Finn was Raven’s family, and about the only one to my knowledge. She hadn’t just lost the love of her life. Now she thought she was all alone. “Just leave it alone.” 

I sighed, and then pulled her into a hug. She was stiff, and didn’t really return it, which was okay. I didn’t expect her to. People in pain rarely wanted help. They always wanted to suffer through it alone. “Raven, Finn isn’t your only family anymore, alright? We are all in this together, here. I am your friend, and I’ll be here for you if you need it.” 

I pulled away, and she didn’t say anything, only returned to her work. I resumed my position leaning on the table, and took to sharpening my knife. Maybe she didn’t want to talk or feel consoled, but sometimes a quiet, friendly presence was enough. 

Finn entered the tent just then, interrupting our comfortable quietude. “What’s for dinner?”

I looked at Raven, wondering if I should leave and she shook her head wordlessly. The tent was nearly bursting with tension, but I stayed, focusing on sharpening my knife.

“Split loads,” Raven said with such a fake happy tone I winced. “Turning one bullet into two. That’s all we can do until we get more gunpowder. Jasper has a recipe. Yesterday, I saw him taking buckets from the latrine. I didn’t ask.”

He laughed, and Raven flinched.

“Is one of those for me?” He asked, gesturing at the bullets.

“Maybe. Still deciding.”

“Alright. Y/n, would you mind giving me a moment with Raven please?” He asked, his eyes pleading. 

I looked at Raven, and she nodded reluctantly. Without a word, I exited the tent. Tucking my excessively sharp knife into my boot, I approached Bellamy, hoping for a less tense conversation. Of course, that was probably a far fetched hope, him being who he was. I was not surprised to find him shouting orders to everyone, head held high, holding his rifle tightly.

“Don’t you ever relax?” I asked, rolling my eyes to myself.

He turned around with a scowl but his face softened when he saw me. “Not with the Grounders out there. I haven’t seen you all day. Where were you?” 

“With Raven,” I replied. “Helping her sort through her emotions.” 

“Ah, so now you’re the camp therapist, huh?” 

I shook my head. “Oh fuck off. I’m just a nice person. Not that I’d expect you to understand.” 

“Like you aren’t an asshole.” He teased back. We shared genuine, loving smiles and that warmth I’d felt the night before returned. It was getting harder to deny my feelings for Bellamy, to deny the fact that I might see him as more than a friend. 

A stinging scent filled the camp, stopping me from responding. It wasn’t hard to recognize what it was. 

“Fire,” I breathed, running in the direction of the panicked shouts. 

I stopped in my tracks when I reached the source of the fire. The meat shack was engulfed in flames. Thick black smoke billowed into the sky. Octavia was inside, trying to save some of the food. Bellamy ran in and pulled her out, holding her against his chest. 

“Are you okay?” He asked as he helped her sit down.

She was coughing violently but she nodded. Bellamy sighed in relief.

“This is all your fault!” Murphy, who was coughing as well, yelled. “We told you it was too much wood!”

He threw himself at Del and they started throwing punches at each other. Bellamy looked at me and I nodded, taking his place at Octavia’s side. He interposed himself between the two boys, separating them.

“Hey, stop! Save it for the Grounders.”

“Bel,” Octavia called, “what the hell are we gonna do? That was all the food!”

I stared, rooted to the ground with shock as the flames destroyed the meat I and the others had worked so hard to bring back to camp. Weeks of hunting, reduced to nothing in the span of a few minutes. There was nothing to be done. We just watched in silence as the meat shack turned to ashes. 

* * *

I grabbed my bow and quiver of arrows, ready to set out into the woods. No one was allowed to stay out after dark, but almost everyone had to leave. Hunting was the priority, even with the lurking danger of the Grounders. If we were starving, we would have no chance at surviving a war. 

“Each group take someone with a gun,” Bellamy said as we all filed in the dropship to take our orders. “But they’re for killing Grounders, not food. We don’t have the ammo. Use the spears for hunting. Get what you can and be back by nightfall. No one stays out after dark.”

The others murmured their assent, as Bellamy walked to me. 

“Hey, wanna head out together?” 

I shrugged. “I would, but you’re a little loud. No offense. Maybe it’s better I go alone.” 

Bellamy crossed his arms. “Yeah, you know that’s out of the question. If you’re by yourself you’re an easy target.” 

I huffed. “Fine. I guess I’ll let you come.” 

“How gracious of you.”    
I flashed him a smirk. “I’m nothing if not gracious.” 

He shook his head. “You’re insufferable, is what you are.” 

I mocked offense, trying to hide my smile. “Oh, yeah, I’M the insufferable one.” 

I stepped ahead of him, leading us into the woods. Most everyone else was hunting in groups of three or four, but the fact that it was only the two of us made me inexplicably happy. Together, we trekked through the woods until finally we caught a trail. It was only a rabbit, but that was better than nothing. It was going to be hard to shoot, but if I couldn’t get it, then I didn’t deserve the comparison to Robin Hood. 

Slowly, we caught up to the animal in question. I raised a finger to my lips and motioned for him to stay back. Reluctantly, he let me step towards the resting animal alone. Silent as a mouse, I drew my string back, lined up the shot, and fired. I smiled as the arrow flew true, piercing the rabbit in the chest. 

“Nice shot,” Bellamy praised from behind me. 

I flashed him a smile, and tried to ignore the rising heat in my cheeks. Ignore it, deny it, force it away. “Thanks.” 

I moved to pick up the dead rabbit, but a snap from my left caught my attention. Immediately, I drew another arrow, expecting a Grounder. My heart pounded, as I crouched and scanned the foliage for any sign of danger. Just as I was about to relax, a boar charged at us. 

I fired my arrow, and it struck the boar in the hide, which not only didn’t slow it down, but seemed to anger it more. I scrambled to my feet. 

“Run!” I shouted at Bellamy, grabbing his sleeve. 

We ran until the boar gave up the chase and limped off into the bushes. Panting, I leaned onto Bellamy. I laughed, still high on adrenaline. He too, laughed, and it was a full, hearty laugh. If I could have bottled it up and drunk it, I would have lived a drunken life. 

“You’re right,” I finally said, catching my breath. “That was much more fun with someone else than it would have been alone.” 

Bellamy shook his head. “You’re insane.” 

“Thank you.” 

“C’mon, let’s get that rabbit and get back before dark.” 

We made our way back to camp as the sun set above us, carrying just the rabbit. It wasn’t much, but it would feed a couple of us. A little meat was better than none, and the time I spent with Bellamy more than made up for the lack of a boar. For me, anyway. Maybe not so much for everyone else. 

I brought the rabbit to the new makeshift meat shack and skinned it. Others took over the gutting and separation of the meat, so I washed my hands and leaned on a tree to rest. Night had fully fallen by now, blanketing the camp in darkness. 

“Hey,” I asked Harper as she walked on by, probably heading to her guard shift. “Is everyone back?” 

Harper nodded. “Yeah I think so. Though I haven’t seen Clarke or Finn in the camp for a while. Or Myles, for that matter.” 

I thanked her and headed immediately for Bellamy’s tent. Something definitely wasn’t right. Those three had set out to hunt together in a group. I had a sinking feeling that the Grounders were involved with their disappearance. 

I pushed aside the flap to Bellamy’s tent. “We have a problem. I think Clarke and-” 

The rest of the words died on my lips as I stared at the scene before me. Bellamy was lying in bed, naked under his covers. Raven was sitting on the edge of the bed, putting on a shirt, her legs bare. They both froze when they saw me.

I stared, wide-eyed at them for a moment. Tension filled the tent, too much for me to bear. Before I ducked out of the tent,I managed to squeak out, “I think they’re in danger.” 

Heart beating wildly, I stepped forwards, hyper aware of every movement of my body. I wasn’t sure where I was going, just that I was going away from his tent. The images of them naked together played over and over in my mind, and shit it bothered me. More than anything else in the world. I couldn’t breathe. 

When I stopped walking, I found myself outside the wall, standing alone in the dark. I opened my mouth to take a breath, and instead a sob escaped. Reaching up to my face, I found hot, heavy tears rolling down. Shit, why did I care so much? Bellamy had been sleeping with girls since the day we’d landed, and it had never bothered me before. He could do whatever the hell he wanted. And Raven too. So why did the thought of them sleeping together hurt me so much?

“Y/n!” It was Raven. “Hey, you’re not supposed to be outside of the wall!” 

I turned around, glaring daggers. “So?” 

She sighed, pity in her eyes. “Listen, I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay,” I said, my voice sharp and harsh. “It’s fine. You’re both adults. You can do whatever you want. I don’t care.” 

“I didn’t know you had feelings for him,” she pleaded. “I swear. I’m sorry.” 

I crossed my arms. “What? He’s just my friend. And so are you. If that was what you needed to get over Finn, then great. Whatever. I don’t care.” 

“Y/n-”

“Stop. I said it’s fine. We don’t have time for this. Finn, Clarke and Myles are missing.”

Her eyes widened.

“Wait, they were with someone else?”

And suddenly, it all made sense. Raven must have thought Clarke and Finn had gone off together. She hadn’t realized Myles had accompanied them. She was jealous, and lashing out. I wasn’t sure if that made me angrier or not. 

“We need to look for them,” I said and she nodded, probably grateful for the change in subject, as I was. 

I tried to forget about Raven and Bellamy, focusing on the problem at hand. She went to finish the walkie-talkies she had been building while I went to find Octavia. I explained the problem and she left to tell Bellamy. I didn’t want to talk to him. Not yet. But it seemed luck wasn’t on my side. I was barely in the woods for five minutes when I heard footsteps behind me. Bellamy had found me.

I ignored him, staring straight ahead. I couldn’t make sense of what I was feeling, not when my friends’ lives were at stake. And Bellamy wasn’t helping.

“It didn’t mean anything,” he whispered.

“I don’t care.”

“There’s nothing between us.”

I turned around, shooting him a fiery glare. “I don’t give a fuck who you sleep with, alright Blake? I was just surprised. Now, can we focus on saving our friends? That’s all that matters, so if that’s not what you’re going to talk about then just shut the hell up.” 

I was a lot harsher than I meant to be, but then, maybe part of me thought he deserved it. I gritted my teeth as I tried to push that feeling down. Why did he deserve it? It wasn’t like there had ever been anything between us. 

Monty’s voice buzzing through our walkie interrupted the uncomfortable silence. “You said you were heading west. Where are you?”

“Just keep the moon on your left and you’ll find us,” Bellamy answered.

“Is anyone else hearing this signal?” Monty asked a short time later.

“Just keep your eyes open,” Raven replied. She was with Octavia, scouting the woods a few yards to our right.

“I think it’s the same thing we heard on the black box of the Exodus ship,” Monty insisted.

“Damn it, Monty, pay attention!” Bellamy ordered. “Do you see anything? Report.”

There was nothing but silence, and a high-pitched sound that suddenly stopped. I exchanged a worried look with Bellamy. Monty was my friend, and I didn’t want to lose him as I feared we may have lost Clarke and Finn. I couldn’t help the torrent of dark thoughts that raced through my mind. The worry was overwhelming. The radio buzzed again, but it wasn’t Monty.

“There’s someone in the bushes,” Raven whispered.

We headed towards the girls as quickly and quietly as we could, gun and bow at the ready. But when we finally reached them, we didn’t see a Grounder, or better, Clarke and Finn. We saw Myles, arrows embedded in his leg and chest.

“Myles, what happened?” Octavia asked.

“Where are they?” Raven added. “Clarke and Finn? Where are they?”

“Grounders took them,” he choked out. 

“Take it easy,” Bellamy told Myles before turning to us. “We have to get him back to camp.”

“Bel, what about Clarke and Finn?” Octavia asked.

He didn’t answer, but we knew. There was no way we were getting them back tonight, especially with Myles injured. 

“Raven…” Bellamy said. She was standing away from us, her face taut with worry. “I’m sorry.”

“We need to make a stretcher,” she said with a rough voice, blinking back tears.

She walked into the woods, searching for branches long and strong enough to carry Myles.

“Monty, we’re heading home,” Bellamy said to the radio. “You copy? Monty, can you hear me?”

Static. Bellamy kept trying to reach him but there was no answer. My heart was beating a hundred miles a minute in my chest. What if Monty had been taken as well? He sounded so worried on the radio. We should have waited for him, it was stupid to make him go alone. Quickly, we assembled an improvised stretcher. We carried Myles back to camp, his moans of pain too loud in the silent woods. Once in the dropship, I headed out with Octavia to try and find Monty. I wasn’t going to let anything happen to him. Out of all the people here, he least of all deserved anything terrible. 

After following the trail he’d took, we finally stumbled upon a sign, and it wasn’t a good one. I knelt down and picked up his walkie talkie. There were no other signs of where he’d gone. I cursed. This was foreboding. And terrifying. What if I lost Monty too? One of the kids that always made me laugh, and listened to my shit when no one else was around? I couldn’t lose another friend, but I knew I couldn’t keep searching this late. We stayed out there as long as we could, until we couldn’t ignore Bellamy’s calls through the radio anymore. Defeated, we headed back to camp.

Inside the dropship, Myles was crying out in pain, his brow sweaty and his hands shaking. Clarke was the only one with medical knowledge, and I feared that without her, Myles wouldn’t survive. I climbed to the third level, and sat down heavily on one of the seats. With a shaky smile, I realized this was the same seat as the one I had sat on when the dropship was released from the Ark. Things had been so simple then. The girl that sat there so long ago was not me now. The one that craved adventure versus the one who’d experienced it. 

I was exhausted, living here. Exhausted of the worry for my friends, of the tears I shed. But the euphoria, the awe I felt down here was unlike anything else. Every day was a roller coaster of emotions, especially today, but I wouldn’t trade it for the simplicity of my life on the Ark. I knew I had only been so violently emotional earlier about Bellamy and Raven because I had been denying a truth for too long. I had let my feelings fester deep inside, tried to ignore it. But I couldn’t anymore. 

I had feelings for Bellamy Blake. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all are enjoying! Close to the end of this book!! More to come!


	12. We Are Grounders - I

Foxhole digging wasn’t a bad plan. It was a quick way to travel far and keep hidden, to position shooters all around the camp. I put a shovel down and headed outside the wall to help Raven with the landmines, giving myself a break from the foxholes. We didn’t have a lot, but enough to encircle the camp, as a last defense in case our bullets didn’t reach the Grounders.

Strange. I never thought I would see a war in my lifetime. It was both horrifying and exhilarating, as I realized everything was down here.

“Hey,” I said, when I reached Raven, who was hard at work. “Need some help.”

“Yeah, hold this.” She handed me a shovel without hardly looking at me. Rolling my eyes, I accepted it, and leaned on it. Perspiration trickled down the side of my face and I wiped it away. For nearing the winter, it was fucking hot. Although maybe it was  due to the fact that I’d been working nonstop all day in a heavy jacket.

I watched with bored fascination as Raven carefully placed a landmine in the hole she’d just dug and connected the cords. Dusting her hands on her pants, she stood up and admired her work.  

“Come on,” Bellamy said, weaving through the workers. “These foxholes aren’t gonna build themselves.”

I tensed, and my knuckles whitened around the shaft of the shovel. Ever since I had admitted my feelings for Bellamy weren’t strictly platonic, I had been avoiding him. It was easier to ignore the situation than talk to him about it. Praying he wouldn’t see me, I squared my shoulders and grit my teeth. Raven looked at me, a single eyebrow raised and I glared at her, but it lacked any heat; I was saving that for Bellamy. I just hoped she was the only one who knew about my predicament.

Luck, unsurprisingly, was not on my side. Bellamy headed straight for us, and I made myself as imposing as possible.

“Better hope those landmines work,” he told Raven. “With all the gunpowder we’re wasting, we could be making more grenades.”

“You wanna come over here and test one?” She shot back without missing a beat.

“Cute,” he grunted. “I need this entire section mined by morning. Then, we finish the south field.”

Raven and I shared an alarmed look.

“Hey!” She protested, going after him. “I told you, we’re going after Finn, Clarke and Monty in the morning.”

“And I told you nobody leaves this camp.”

“We can’t just abandon our people! You wanna lead them? Show them you give a damn.”

He opened his mouth to reply, but a deafening gunshot interrupted him. I ran to the source of the noise, followed closely by Bellamy and Raven. It wasn’t hard to see who had fired: Sterling’s face was filled with guilt and embarrassment.

“Hey!” Bellamy shouted. “What the hell’s the matter with you?”

“I’m sorry, man, I fell asleep. I’ve been on watch all day.”

“We’ve all been on watch all day!” Bellamy yelled back, shoving him against the wall. “That bullet was one less dead Grounder!”

“Bel, you’re scaring people,” Octavia said softly, trying to placate him.

“They should be scared! The bomb on the bridge bought us some time to prepare, but that time is up. The Grounders are out there right now, waiting for us to leave and picking us off one by one when we do. Clarke, Finn and Monty are gone. Probably dead. And if you wanna be next, I can’t stop you. But no guns are leaving this camp! This camp is the only thing keeping us alive!”

Bellamy looked at the crowd, at the scared faces staring at him. Only his ragged breathing filled the air.

“Get back to work,” he ordered, stalking back to the dropship. The crowd dispersed until only Raven and I were left. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from his retreating figure.

“You should go,” she said.

I crossed my arms and turned to her. Raven was smiling. It was small, but there, and such a stark difference from the tense, serious frown she’d been wearing all day. “What?”

“I’m serious, Y/n,” she insisted. “Go. I’m pretty sure you’re the only one on this planet who could make him change his mind. He needs to see reason about Clarke, Finn, and Monty.”

Reluctantly, I nodded. Saving our friends was more important than anything I was feeling. So I left Raven’s side and went after Bellamy. Following him into the dropship, my heart pounded. Why was I so nervous to talk to him about this? I had to get myself together. This was pathetic.

“Hey,” I said softly. Bellamy’s head snapped up. “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” he replied, his voice stern and matter-of-fact. I might have been convinced were it not for the morose darkness in his eyes.

I leaned my hip against the table, trying to ignore how close that made us. “You don’t need to pretend. Not with me.”

Memories flashed behind my eyes. How I’d seen the distress in his eyes at Atom’s suffering, the relief when I killed him. That moment in the forest when we’d admired the butterfly. When he held me back after Charlotte died. Together, we’d been through so much, seen each other at our lowest points. Even if he never reciprocated my feelings, I would never leave his side. Bellamy was the greatest friend I could have ever asked for, despite the fact that he was an ass more than half the time.

Bellamy sighed deeply, giving up on his illusion of strength. He looked exhausted, and scared. “Do you think I’m wrong. About Clarke, Finn and Monty?”

I hesitated. “I, uh. I don’t know. I really want to be on your side here, Bel. But we can’t just abandon our people.”

“So what would you suggest we do then?”

I shrugged and looked away from him. “I’ll go. Alone.”

He huffed. “You had better be joking.”

“I’m serious Bellamy. With the Grounders so focused on attacking the camp, I doubt they’ll even notice me.” I tried to ignore the fire in his eyes, knowing he was going to challenge me on this. “Besides, I wouldn’t even need a gun. I can fight with my bow and arrow. I can do this, Bel.”

“No!” He argued, as I expected. I balled my hands into fists. “We need you here. I need you here.”

“It’s not up for discussion,” I snapped, getting fed up with him. “Monty, Clarke, and Finn need me.”

“I’ll stop you.”

“How? By choking me again?” It was a cheap shot, and I didn’t feel good about it, but I was infuriated. How could he think I was going to leave my friends out there? Our friends?

Bellamy scoffed, his eyes hardening. “Fine. Whatever. Your funeral.”

I glared at him and fought to keep from yelling at him. It wasn’t hard to tell that all I’d managed to do was piss him off. I didn’t want to walk back out there and tell Raven that I’d only made it worse and now we had no chance at going after them. But I couldn’t stay here by him anymore. So I did the only thing I could do to be alone; climbed up to the third level of the dropship and threw my knife at the wall. Of course, it didn’t impale the metal, but it helped me to cool down.

I might have done that for hours, I couldn’t tell. The only thing that kept me from continuing was Jasper climbing up to join me. By the annoyed look on his face, I figured he’d had about the same conversation with Bellamy as I had.

“Bellamy being an ass?” I asked.

Jasper nodded. “How do you put up with him?”

I snorted. “Believe me, I have no idea. But don’t worry. I’m going after Monty and the others tomorrow. Feel free to join me. Monty’s your best friend. You’re entitled to his rescue.”

“Yeah.” Jasper nodded. “Yeah, I’ll come.”

I smiled at him and returned to spinning the tip of my knife on the table to keep my mind occupied. Jasper grabbed the gunpowder he’d come up here for and waved me goodbye. I sighed.

“Hey, let me come with you,” I said. “I don’t care what you’re doing but I don’t wanna be by myself.”

He shrugged. “Yeah, sure.”

I sheathed my knife in my boot and followed Jasper down the ladder. Halfway down, he froze, and I almost kicked in his head.

“Y/n,” he whispered, his words low and slow. “Go back upstairs. Lock the hatch.”

“Why? What’s going on?”

Instead of responding, Jasper dropped down the ladder. I had an internal debate with myself and finally resorted to ignoring his warnings and climbed the rest of the way down to the bottom floor of the dropship. As soon as my feet touched the floor, I realized the stupidity of my decision.

Murphy was standing in front of the table, a gun pointed at Jasper’s head. From the corner of my eyes, I saw Myles. His face was blank, his body still. Dead. Without hesitation, I ducked behind a table in the back, not sure if Murphy saw me or not. I prayed that he hadn’t, and maybe I could figure a way out of the situation.

Thankfully, he didn’t come after me. I rested my head against the leg of the table and quieted my breathing. I needed to think. Think of something, anything. I couldn’t let Jasper die.

“Murphy, just put the gun down,” Jasper said. “Why are you doing this?”

“He tried to kill me.”

I could only assume Murphy was talking about Myles, who’d tied the noose everyone tried to hang him with.

“Okay,” Jasper tried to placate Murphy. “Okay. It’s cool.”

“No, it’s not. You know what will happen to me if you tell Bellamy.”

“Tell Bellamy what?” His voice crackled through Jasper’s radio and I put a hand over my mouth to keep my gasp quiet. Fuck, what if he got involved in this? What if something happened to him? The last thing I’d said to him was so cruel.

Murphy and Jasper stared at each other, the air thick with tension. My mind raced a mile a minute trying to figure out what to do, but there was nothing I could do. All I had was a knife and I doubted that could do much against Murphy’s gun.

“Give me the radio, Jasper,” Murphy ordered.

Silently, I turned around and peered over the table. Murphy’s back was to me, and I locked eyes with Jasper. I gave him a single nod, and he seemed to know what I meant.

Immediately, Jasper brought the radio to his mouth. “Murphy has a gun, he killed Myles-”

Snarling, Murphy shot forward and slammed the gun against Jasper’s head, knocking him unconscious. I cursed under my breath. Not good.

I saw Murphy race for the lever to the dropship and knew that if I was going to do something, it had to be now. Gathering as much courage as I could, I leaped up from my spot and tried to beat him to it, but he reached the level before I could, and pulled it down. Terror exploded in my veins as the door sealed shut.

“Murphy!” Bellamy shouted from outside.

Murphy and I stared at each other, frozen, waiting for each other to make a move. Despite the ice cold fear coursing through me, I couldn’t let my bravery fade away. Besides, I was made of insubordination and bad decisions. It would be against my nature NOT to scream Bellamy’s name and race for the lever again.

“Shut up!” Murphy yelled, grabbing hold of my wrist.

I struggled against his grip, desperately trying to escape, doing everything in my power to keep his grip from getting stronger. If he overpowered me, my chances would go from maybe I’ll escape to probably not. Remarkably nonplussed by his gun, I punched him in the face with my free hand. Hot pain shot through my wrist, but I barely acknowledged it. All that mattered was I was free to open the door.

“Bitch!” He grabbed my hair and twisted my head back before I could open the door.

I let out a scream and kicked backwards at him, but my foot didn’t connect with anything. I struggled against him as much as I could, but he proved to be much stronger than I thought.

“Let me go!” I yelled, my throat going hoarse with shouts.

Murphy responded with an annoyed grunt and dragged me across the room. He grabbed a detached seatbelt and yanked my arms behind me. I yelped in pain, and struggled against him, but it proved useless. He wrapped my wrists tight and yanked hard enough for the material to dig into my wrists.

“Fucking asshole,” I spat, aiming to kick again, and this time landing in the shin. Unfortunately, it didn’t faze him.

“You’re insufferable,” Murphy said before tying some spare fabric around my mouth, silencing the torrent of insults that passed my lips. I glared at him as he forced me to the ground. “Move, and a bullet goes between your eyes.”

I knew he wasn’t lying, so I wasn’t stupid enough to challenge him despite every instinct inside of me screaming to run.

Jasper was slowly rousing, groaning in pain on the floor and Murphy tied him up next to me, gagging him as well. He stood over us, gun pointing at our heads, a sick smile on his face.

“Well,” he said, “this will be interesting.”

* * *

The more time passed, the more on edge Murphy became. I grew more and more uncomfortable sitting in my position, but anytime I shifted, he aimed his fucking gun at my head. Which is why I had to be incredibly sly about grabbing the knife in my boot. If he caught me, he’d probably shoot me.

“Murphy,” Bellamy’s voice crackled through the radio, “I know you can hear me.”

I wondered if he knew I was in there. Perhaps he thought I had left already, to search for Monty, Clarke and Finn. It was probably morning by now. As far as he knew, there was only Jasper here.

“All our ammo and food’s in the middle level, you know that,” Bellamy continued. “You’re leaving us vulnerable to an attack. I can’t let that happen.”

Murphy scowled, grabbing the radio. “Yeah, well in case you haven’t noticed, you’re not exactly in control right now.”

“Come on, Murphy, you don’t wanna hurt Jasper, you wanna hurt me.”

My eyes widened, and I exchanged a panicked look with Jasper. I had a feeling I knew what Bellamy was about to do, and I didn’t like it one bit.

“So, what do you say?” he continued. “How about you trade him for me?”

 _That fucking idiot!_ I screamed internally. Maybe I wasn’t the only one with a martyr complex.

Murphy wasn’t going to hurt Jasper or me, not yet anyway. But if he was on a revenge spree against the people who had tried to hang him, then Bellamy was probably on top of that list. If he came in here, Murphy would kill him without a second thought. And I was not going to watch that happen.

“All you have to do is let him go and I’ll take his place,” Bellamy finished.

“How?” Murphy asked, a sick smile on his face.

I tried to shout despite the gag in my mouth and Murphy smirked at me. I struggled against my bonds, blood boiling in my veins. God, how I hated him.

“Simple,” Bellamy answered. “You open the door, I walk in, he walks out.”

I moved a little faster now, wishing I was a little more flexible. This would have been so much easier if my hands were tied in front of me. As quietly as I could, I slid my left foot closer to my hands. The scraping of my boot on the floor was deafening, but Murphy was so preoccupied, he didn’t do more than shoot me a warning glance. With some difficulty and shooting pain in the awkward twisting of my shoulder, I finally managed to reach the hilt of my blade and pull it from my boot. Before Murphy could notice, I put my leg back out in front of me and gripped tight to the knife in my hands, hidden from his view.

Murphy put the radio down and stared at Jasper with a dark look in his eyes. I let my grip tighten around the hilt of the blade as he approached Jasper and pulled him roughly to his feet. Jasper was going to be okay, at the very least. I could only watch helplessly as Murphy dragged him to the door, but at least he would get outside. Then I had to worry about Bellamy.

“Just you, Bellamy, unarmed!” Murphy shouted. “Ten seconds, or I’ll put one in Jasper’s leg!”

He started counting, and at five, Bellamy yelled back that he was there. I heard heavy footsteps and the drapes opened, revealing Bellamy’s tense face. Immediately, Murphy shoved Jasper outside, making him fall, and closed the door. It sealed shut, just as Bellamy saw me. His eyes rolled over me, taking in the gag in my mouth and my bound wrists. There was surprise on his face and a heart-wrenching fear that wasn’t there when he’d walked in. I tried to tell him that I had a knife and a plan, but I wasn’t sure how to convey that through eye conversations.

Bellamy took a step towards me, his arms outstretched, but Murphy cocked his gun at him and he froze.

“Let her go,” Bellamy said. “She has nothing to do with this.”

“Doesn’t she? It was her little protégée who killed Wells and didn’t care to mention it when you were hanging me from a tree. No, no. Y/n’s staying right here.”

Bellamy looked at me, regret and pain in his eyes. There was guilt there too, and I realized he thought it was his fault. I wished I could tell him it wasn’t, that if there was someone to blame, it was Murphy and Murphy alone. But I couldn’t speak coherently with the gag.

Murphy threw a clump of detached seatbelts at Bellamy. They clattered to the floor and he looked at them, puzzled.

“Tie them up together,” Murphy ordered.

“What? No.”

Murphy raised an eyebrow and smirked. Before either of us could react, he pointed the gun at me and fired. The bullet hit the wall above my head and I whimpered in fear, the sound echoing in my head. Bellamy’s eyes were wide with both anger and fear.

I pushed through the terror I felt and started sawing away at the bonds around my wrists. It was already trying work, and my fingers ached, but I had to get free. I had to help Bellamy. I wouldn’t be Murphy’s pawn.

“Do what I say, Bellamy. Or the next one goes in her leg.”

The radio crackled, Octavia’s frantic voice coming through.

“Bellamy? Bellamy, are you okay?”

“You want her to know you’re alive?” Murphy asked as Octavia kept calling her brother’s name. “Start tying.”

Bellamy dropped to his knees, obeying Murphy’s orders. I sawed a little faster, and felt a surge of confidence as I broke through the edge. Still a lot to go, but now I knew it was possible to get through the whole thing.

“I’m fine,” he said when Murphy pushed the radio’s button. “Just a misfire. Stop worrying about me and get back to work. All of you. And tell Raven to hurry her ass up.”

“Alright, that’s long enough,” Murphy decided, putting the radio away. He then gestured at the seatbelts on Bellamy’s lap. “Tie those two ends together.”

I couldn’t help the strangled, inhuman sound that escaped me when I realized what he was making. A noose. It wasn’t hard to see what Murphy intended to do. Just like Bellamy had tried to hang him, he was going to hang Bellamy. Fear coursed through my system as an image of Bellamy hanging from a rope playing on a loop in my mind. I couldn’t stand it.

“Alright,” Murphy said once it was done. “Now get up and toss it over.”

Bellamy obeyed, tossing the improvised rope over a metal beam, the noose swinging in the air.

“What do you want me to say?” Bellamy asked, his eyes desperate. “You want me to apologize? I’m- I’m sorry.”

“You got it all wrong, Bellamy. I don’t want you to say anything. I want you to feel what I felt. And then… Then I want you to die.”

I tried to shout, despite the gag in my mouth and struggled against my bonds. Murphy pointed the gun at my head and I glared at him.

“Shut the hell up. This isn’t about you, firecracker. Not yet.”

I felt my blood boil at the nickname. It felt wrong coming from Murphy’s mouth, and from the corner of my eyes, I saw Bellamy scowl. Murphy focused back on Bellamy, keeping the gun against my head.

“Get that bench,” Murphy ordered, “or I pull the trigger.”

I shook my head frantically but Bellamy obeyed without a word, dragging the bench under the beam.

 _Faster,_ I screamed at myself. Ignoring the pain in my fingers, I sawed the knife even harder. Almost done. Fuck, I was almost done.

“Now stand on it. Put the noose around your neck.”

Bellamy, standing on the bench, looked at the rope, disgust in his eyes.

“This is insane. The Grounders could’ve-”

Murphy shot. The bullet passed so close to my face I felt the air shift against my skin. I whimpered and closed my eyes for a moment. Against my will, tears stung my eyes. When I opened them again, I saw Bellamy standing frozen on the teetering bench.

“Put it over your head,” Murphy repeated. “Unless you want to watch as I put a bullet between your girlfriend’s eyes.”

I didn’t even react at Murphy’s use of the word girlfriend. How could I, when Bellamy had just put the noose around his neck, and all Murphy had to do to end his life was kick the bench?

“Happy now?” Bellamy asked, trying to appear defiant despite the fear in his eyes. I couldn’t look at him. All I could do was saw at my bonds. Just a little more.

Murphy pulled on the rope and Bellamy had to rise on his toes to keep it from strangling him. My heart was racing in my chest, pounding so hard it hurt.

“You’re so brave, aren’t you?” Murphy taunted. “I mean, you came in here thinking you were gonna turn this whole thing around. That you were stronger than me, that maybe one of your friends would come and help you. Well, what are you thinking now, Bellamy? Hm?”

He pulled on the rope again and I shouted in anger. I kicked my feet against the floor, trying to attract Murphy’s attention to buy myself the minute more I needed to get free, and he smirked, letting go of the rope. Bellamy took a deep breath as I glared at Murphy.

“She’s a fierce little thing, isn’t she?” He drawled, looking at Bellamy. “So protective. You know, I gotta hand it to you, Bellamy. You got them all fooled. They actually look up to you. Almost as much as they look up to Clarke. Yeah, but we know the truth, don’t we? You’re a coward. I learned that the day you kicked out the crate from beneath me. For the people. Isn’t that what you said? That you were just giving the people what they wanted. Right?”  
“I should’ve stopped them.”

I could see it, the regret on his face. He had made a mistake, and he knew it. But Murphy didn’t care.

“Yeah, it’s a little late for that now,” he said.

“How does this end for you, Murphy? You think they’re just gonna let you walk out of here?”

“Well, I think the princess is dead. And I know the king’s about to die, so who’s really gonna lead these people? Huh? Me. That’s who. And yeah, maybe I have to kill Kane and your Grounder-pounding little sister-”

Snarling, Bellamy tried to kick Murphy but he evaded the hit. Murphy ran to the rope and pushed on it so hard, Bellamy’s feet left the crate. His air supply was cut off abruptly and I screamed against the gag as he twisted in the air, his mouth wide open, desperate for oxygen.

I thought this was it, that I was going to have to watch Bellamy die, but then I heard a sharp yell coming from below the floor. Murphy let go of the rope and Bellamy’s feet found purchase on the crate again. He wheezed, his face red.

“I’m guessing that’s her right now,” Murphy said. “Say goodbye to your sister, Bellamy.”

He aimed his gun at the ground and started shooting, ignoring Bellamy’s screams. His gun jammed and Bellamy took the opportunity, trying to get free of the noose. But Murphy saw him. He kicked the crate, and my heart stopped.The knife slipped from my fingers and clattered to the ground. I scorned myself. All I needed was just a few more seconds and I could have cut through. Then again…

“It’s a beautiful sight, isn’t it?” he said, as he ripped my gag out and forced my face in Bellamy's direction.

“Please,” I begged, twisting my wrists around, trying to yank apart the last bit that hadn’t been cut. It frayed, if only slightly. “Murphy, don’t do this, I’ll do anything you want. Just let him go, I’m begging you!”

“Don’t worry, Y/n,” Murphy said, as tears rolled down my cheeks. “You’re next.”

I smirked at him, fire lighting in my eyes. “How sure of that are you?”

Before he could answer, I pulled with all my strength and the bonds around my wrists snapped apart. I punched Murphy in the face and he fell to his side with a grunt. I didn’t stop to look at him or pick up my knife. All that mattered was making sure Bellamy was safe.

Just as I reached him, Murphy grabbed my arm and yanked me backwards. At the same time, the dropship door hissed open. I tried to scream, but Murphy clamped his hand over my mouth and shoved me against the wall, right beside the ladder.

“Climb, or I shoot him.” He aimed his gun at Bellamy’s dangling body, and my heart dropped. But I didn’t hesitate. The others would get him down. He would be okay.

I climbed the ladder as fast as I could, Murphy right behind me. Once on the third level, he shoved me to the floor and kept the gun trained on me. Now that I didn’t have my weapon, my confidence had dissipated, but my rage kept me ticking. Antagonizing him wasn’t a good option, but if I had to I would.

Murphy locked the hatch with a pipe and started rummaging the crates for ammo. My heart hammered in my chest. I could hear shouts coming from the first level and Octavia screaming her brother’s name. God, I hoped it wasn’t too late.

“Murphy!”

I closed my eyes in relief, sagging against the wall. It was Bellamy’s voice, rough and pained, but definitely alive. Murphy looked at the hatch, terrified, and I couldn’t help the sharp laugh that escaped me.

“Not so brave now, huh?” I mocked.

He glared at me, but didn’t answer. He put a single bullet in his gun and walked to me just as Bellamy tried to open the hatch. We all knew the thin pipe wouldn’t hold long.

“Murphy!” Bellamy shouted, as he popped his head up. “It’s over!”

Murphy yanked me to my feet by my hair and pressed the barrel of his gun into my head. It was cold, and heavy. Even Murphy seemed to struggle to keep the gun in place.

I kept my gaze locked with Bellamy’s pleading him to leave. He was essential. I was not. And I couldn’t lose him.

“Get back or I put a bullet in Kane’s head!” Murphy yelled.

“Hurt her and I’ll kill you!”

Murphy looked around, but there was no way out. He only had one bullet, and if he killed me now, there would be nothing to stop Bellamy from ending his life. Likewise, if he shot Bellamy, then the others wouldn’t show him mercy. Perhaps they’d hang him again.

Murphy’s eyes locked on a can. The gunpowder. I broke free of his grip and raced into Bellamy’s arms. Together, we crouched down, him shielding my head with his arms as Murphy pulled the trigger. The gunpowder exploded in a deafening explosion. By the time the smoke cleared, I could see Murphy jump out of the resulting hole.

“You’re okay, firecracker,” Bellamy murmured in my ear, as we stayed crouched for another moment. I laughed at the nickname. It felt ridiculously good to hear it again, when not a minute before, I thought he was going to die. I stood and pulled back a little from him and looked at his neck, at the reddened skin where the rope had pressed. Without thinking, I ran my fingers across the marks. Bellamy looked at me, his face unreadable.

“Murphy’s getting away,” Jasper said. “Should we go after him?”

I suddenly realized what I was doing and how close I was to Bellamy. Though I blushed furiously, I didn’t step away from him. Comforting warmth emanating from him was all I needed right now. His close presence was overwhelming reassurance that he was alive, and so was I.

“No,” Bellamy answered Jasper. “The Grounders will take care of Murphy. We’re going after Clarke, Finn and Monty.”

My head snapped up. Bellamy was looking at me, a soft smile on his face.

“You guys were right,” he continued. “We don’t abandon our own. Just the three of us. Two guns, one bow, that’s it. Raven stays here to build up defences. We lost a day because of this. And our gunpowder.”

He headed for the hatch but Jasper stopped him. “Bellamy, wait. Look, I just…”

At a loss for words, Jasper pulled Bellamy into a hug. The other man tensed up, surprised, and patted Jasper’s back awkwardly. I smiled at the scene.

“Thank you,” Jasper said.

He took a step back, teary-eyed.

“Long way from “whatever the hell you want,” he said.

Bellamy chuckled. Suddenly, the radio crackled and Miller’s voice came through.

“All gunners, we got movement outside the south wall.”

We sprang back into action immediately. I made a stop at my tent to grab my bow and quiver and then joined the others as they converged towards the gate.

“Wait!” Miller shouted. “Hold your fire, it’s Clarke and Finn. Open the gate.”

As soon as the gate opened, Finn and Clarke ran in, the both of them looking exhausted but otherwise unarmed. I breathed in sharply, relieved.

“Hey, we heard an explosion,” Clarke said, “what happened?”

“Murphy happened,” Bellamy replied.

Jasper pulled Clarke in a hug, a huge smile on his face. “Thank God. Where have you been? Where’s Monty?”

“Monty’s gone?”

Jasper’s face fell, but before I could ask for more information, Finn was talking.

“Clarke, we need to leave, now. All of us do. There’s an army of Grounders unlike anything we’ve ever seen coming for us right now. We need to pack what we can and run.”

An army of Grounders? Certainly not good, but it was what we were expecting, right? Where the hell were we supposed to run to?

“Like hell, we do,” Bellamy scoffed. “We knew this was coming.”

“Bel, we’re not prepared!” Octavia protested.

“And they’re not here yet. We still have time to get ready. Besides, where would we go? Where would we be safer than behind these walls?”

“There’s an ocean to the east,” Finn answered. “People there will help us.”

“You saw Lincoln,” Octavia realized.

He nodded.

“How do you know we can trust them?” I asked, a bit wary. His plan seemed rushed. Maybe these people would help, but considering the interactions we’ve had with the other Grounders, I doubted it. “Have you met these people? Do you know where they are, exactly?”

He didn’t answer, and I frowned.

“Y/n’s right. You expect us to trust a Grounder, but you won’t give any more information?” Bellamy said, before turning to the crowd. “This is our home now. We built this from nothing with our bare hands. Our dead are buried behind that wall, in this ground. Our ground! The Grounders think they can take that away. They think that because we came from the sky, we don’t belong here. But they’re yet to realize one very important fact. We are on the ground now. And that means we are Grounders!”

The crowd cheered, shaking their weapons above their heads. There was a brave fierceness on their faces and I couldn’t help but smile. We had come a long way.

“Grounders with guns!” someone added.

“Damn right,” Bellamy said. “I say let them come!”

He looked at Clarke, looking for her support.

“Bellamy’s right,” she agreed. “If we leave, we may never find a place as safe as this. And God knows, in this world, we could be faced with something even worse tomorrow. But that doesn’t change the simple fact that if we stay here, we will die tonight. So pack your things. Just take what you can carry. Now.”

The crowd dispersed, running to their tents under Bellamy’s desperate gaze. I was about to go to my own tent when I heard someone cry out.

“Help me!”

I turned and gasped when I saw Raven limping towards us. She had a hand pressed to her side, her clothes darkened with blood. We hurried towards her and Finn lifted her in his arms.

“Murphy shot her,” Jasper said.

She must have been the one under the floor of the dropship, and not Octavia like I’d thought. Finn brought her into the dropship, and Clarke was about to follow when Bellamy stopped her.

“Clarke. Leaving here is a mistake.”

“I agree,” I said, looking warily at Raven. She did not look good. “We don’t even know if the Grounder was telling the truth! What if it’s a trap?”

“The decision has been made,” she answered.

“Crowds make bad decisions,” Bellamy protested. “Just ask Murphy. Leaders do what they think is right.”

“I am,” she answered firmly.

She left without another word, and I was left with Bellamy, the both of us staring at her retreating figure.

“They’re going to slaughter us,” I breathed out. I held my bow tightly, the wood familiar and reassuring under my fingers.

“They can try,” Bellamy replied, his voice gruff and dark, and yet instilling me with confidence. Our eyes met and I took a deep breath, finding courage in his gaze. We had no choice. Whether we ran or not, there was only one way this was going to end. We were probably going to die. I had come to terms with that.

But we were not going down without one _hell_ of a fight.


	13. We Are Grounders - II

Everything was so quiet, so still. No wind rustled in the leaves. No animals scampered across the dirt. Nothing. Even the air was thick, stifling. Heavy with the promise of war. Every breath I took exacerbated the buzzing of my nerves. 

As we departed from our camp to chase a mysterious village by the sea, an army of Grounders after us, I couldn’t help but feel I was right to be nervous. At least, I had my bow and a good number of arrows in my quiver. I wasn’t defenceless, and that was a big step up from the whole Murphy situation.

I looked back at Bellamy. He was walking a few steps behind me, his gun held tightly in his hands. His face was the picture of concentration, but there was fear too in the crease between his brows and the tightness of his jaws. His eyes met mine and I offered him a small smile, the best I could do at the moment. He returned it, if ever so slightly. 

We stopped abruptly. I looked around, searching for any sign as to why, but I saw nothing. Just the stillness of the trees. 

“Why are we stopping?” Raven asked weakly. She was lying on an improvised stretcher, her wound too serious for her to walk.

“I don’t know,” Finn answered.

Shouts echoed from the head of the group, and Jasper started yelling about Grounders. I nocked an arrow and pushed my way to the front. Drew was dead on the ground with a wicked-looking blade embedded in his face. Bellamy joined me, and we both squinted at the woods, trying to spot the enemy.

“I don’t see anything!” I whispered, scanning the branches. 

“Me neither. Damn it. Everyone, back to camp!”

At the speed we were going, it didn’t take us long to get back to the dropship. We ran in, a crowd of scared, screaming teenagers and I climbed the platform so I could see over the wall. Bellamy and Clarke were already there, squinting at the darkening woods.

“Where are they?” Bellamy asked. “Why aren’t they attacking?”

Clarke’s eyes widened. “Because we’re doing exactly what they wanted us to do.”

“What are you talking about?”

Ignoring Bellamy’s question, she turned to Finn who was looking at her from the ground. His hands were stained with Raven’s blood and I averted my eyes. She didn’t deserve that. 

“Lincoln said scouts would be the first to arrive,” Clarke said. 

“If it’s just scouts,” Octavia replied, “we can fight our way out. That’s what Lincoln would do.”

“We’re done doing what that Grounder would do,” Bellamy scowled, jumping down. “We tried it and now Drew is dead. You wanna be next?”

“That Grounder saved our lives!” Finn protested. “I agree with Octavia. For all we know, there’s one scout out there.”

“Or twenty!” I argued. 

“With insanely good aim,” Jasper added. I raised my hand, as if to say  _ see _ . 

“Clarke, we can still do this!” Octavia insisted.

We all stared at Clarke, knowing she would be the one to make the decision.

“They’re looking to you, princess,” Bellamy said. Something deep inside me twinged in annoyance at the nickname. I rolled my eyes at myself. I needed to sort out my feelings. “What’s it gonna be? Run and get picked off out in the open or stand and fight back?”

She looked at the woods, her hands clenched together. I didn’t envy her. To have the lives of dozens of people in her hands, knowing that if she made the wrong decision, we would all die? It was a terrible responsibility to have. Her face set, she jumped down the platform.

“Clarke,” Finn stopped her, “if we’re still here when Tristan gets here-”

“Lincoln said scouts,” she interrupted him. “As in more than one. He said get home before the scouts arrive. Finn, they’re already here.” She then turned to Bellamy. “Looks like you’ve got your fight.”

Bellamy nodded and turned to the crowd. “Okay then. This is what we’ve been preparing for. Kill them before they kill us. Gunners, to your posts. Use the tunnels to get in and out. From now on, the gate stays closed.”

The group dispersed, every one of them running to their designated positions. The gunners in the foxholes, some on lookout, the others inside the dropship. My position was a little more complicated. The problem with living in the woods, was that we had poor visibility. When the Grounders attack, we wouldn’t know about it until they were already close. 

I headed for my gunning station, perched atop a platform just within the wall. Since I didn’t have a gun, only bow and arrow, I was a bit of a last resort. Everyone, myself included, hoped it didn’t have to come to that. 

“Y/n.” 

I turned as Bellamy called my name. “Yeah?” 

“I have something for you.” 

I smirked and raised an eyebrow. “Is that the opening to a joke?” 

Bellamy chuckled. “No. It’s something real. I worked on it in my spare time.” 

From his pocket, he pulled a small metal band. Immediately, I knew what it was, but I wasn’t sure I understood. Heart pounding so loud I could barely hear my own thoughts, I stepped closer to him. 

“What are you doing?” I asked, as Bellamy took my hand. Heat rushed to my cheeks and I tried to ignore the thrill of warmth in my veins. 

“Giving you some reassurance,” he replied, as he slipped the metal band around my middle finger. “I made it from some scraps of the dropship, and carved in a special phrase just for you.” 

I ran my fingers over the crudely carved inscription. “We will? What is that supposed to mean?” 

Bellamy grinned. “You say may we meet again too much. I’m telling you, we will.” 

I rolled my eyes and scoffed playfully. “Oh come off it. I’ve said it twice. And one of those times I was drunk. The other I was deliriously sick.” 

“Two times too many. You have no faith that you’ll bounce back. As you always do.” 

I smiled and spun the ring around my finger. It brought me profound comfort and again, confidence surged through me. Having the ring on my finger made it feel like a part of Bellamy was with me. Reminded me that I was never truly alone no matter how much a part of me believed that. 

“Thank you, Bel.” I stared at him for a moment, and then pulled him into a hug. His arms wrapped around me, and I wished this could have lasted forever. Enveloped in his arms, I felt at home. I memorized his scent, his warmth, his touch. Everything about him. If I let him go, I knew it could very well be the last I held him. And I hated the thought of that. 

“Anything for you, firecracker,” Bellamy murmured, pulling away. “Remember that we will always meet again so you retain that fiery confidence I’m so fond of.” 

“You weren’t to start,” I teased. 

“I was an ass.” 

I smiled, and snorted. “Was?” 

Bellamy shook his head, but it was all in good fun. How we could be so lighthearted on the verge of war, I didn’t know but it was refreshing. 

“Alright,” he sighed, and my happiness diminished. Reality crushed in on me, suffocating me. But I spun the ring again, and I felt alive. “Get to your post, keep your eyes open, and Y/n? Stay alive.” 

“Is that a threat, Blake?” I teased.

“If that’s what it takes to make sure you survive? Then, yeah, you bet your ass it’s a threat.” 

I flashed him a smile as I headed off to my post. “Then consider me threatened.” 

Shifting into a serious mindset, I hopped up onto my platform, and kept an arrow at the ready. Everytime I felt a twinge of fear or doubt, I spun the ring again, and those negative feelings fled from my mind. 

_ We will, we will, we will.  _ I chanted over and over in my mind. All of us would make it through this, somehow. Maybe we would die, and meet again in the afterlife. Or, maybe we would make it through and meet again, bloody, traumatized, and tired, but together. We would meet again, one way or another. 

“Look at that,” I muttered to myself, biting back a smile, trying to keep my attention focused on the treeline. “I finally have hope when there absolutely shouldn’t be any.” 

“Y/n,” Bellamy’s voice crackled through my walkie. “Stay focused.” 

“Sorry,” I mumbled, shifting my walkie so I wasn’t continuously pressing the talk button. 

For what seemed like forever, I sat there on that rickety platform, staring into the forest, scaring myself shitless at the scurrying of a squirrel. Every now and then, I returned my arrow to my quiver to give my fingers a break from drawing the string taut. But when I heard a gunshot from the south foxhole, I went rigid, having an arrow at the ready. 

More and more gunshots echoed all around the camp, and my eyes nearly rolled out of my head from searching for any sign of the Grounders before me, but there weren’t any. They weren’t coming close enough to the gate for me to shoot. 

A sense of dread overcame me. Why weren’t they approaching? 

Jasper answered that for me in an instant. “Guys! They’re trying to draw our fire, to waste our ammunition!” 

“Jasper’s right,” Bellamy’s voice crackled through the walkie. “No one shoot unless they’re attacking directly.” 

Silence. For a tense, interminable minute, there was silence. No gunshots, no shouts, no voices from the walkie. All I heard was my own ragged, fearful breathing. 

An explosion near the west foxhole caught my attention. Dirt and limbs exploded into the air. I smiled. Raven’s mines worked, and they worked pretty damn good. Mine after mine exploded all around the camp. Hopefully that took out enough Grounders to make my job easier. Or it just scared them off entirely. I found that unlikely, but I could fantasize. 

Unfortunately, I was wrong. 

“They’re everywhere!” A man’s panicked voice crackled through the walkie. “Fall back, fall back!” 

My heart sped up as I kept my eyes trained on the dark trees. Movement. I wasn’t going to shoot, not until I was sure it was a Grounder. Once I fired an arrow, I would give away my location and then I’d really have to be ready to fight. 

“Here they come!” Miller shouted. 

Gunshots echoed all around me, the light from the barrels lighting up the darkness. I tried to control my breathing, tried not to let the fear overpower me. Fear crippled, especially in war. 

In the distance, I heard Miller scream Bellamy’s name. Worry exploded in my chest, numbing all other emotion I felt. What had happened? How close were all the Grounders?

I spun the ring again. 

_ We will, we will, we will.  _

I didn’t have the luxury to worry about Bellamy right now. Or anyone else for that matter. Protecting the gate and everyone inside, especially Raven and Clarke, was of greatest importance. 

Right in front of me, a Grounder came through the treeline. Without hesitation, I fired my arrow, landing it straight in his eye. In an instant, he was dead. I exhaled slowly, trying to calm the beating of my heart as I drew another arrow. 

Another Grounder broke through, and that one I shot too, in the chest. One after the other, I brought the enemies to the ground, but then they were flowing towards the gate in numbers too great. Each of my arrows landed with less accuracy, only slowing them down. 

I reached up for another arrow, only to find that my quiver was entirely empty. Going for my knife, I cursed when I realized I had never remembered to pick it up from the dropship floor after the Murphy incident. 

“The Grounders have broken through!” A voice screamed through the walkie. I didn’t have time to register who it was, if it was Bellamy, if he was okay, because the Grounders were upon me, climbing up to my platform. 

Each one that came I punched or I kicked, and they fell back to the ground. I used my bow as a blunt weapon, beating it across their heads or jabbing them in the neck. Exhaustion gnawed at my being and sweat dripped down my back but I couldn’t stop. If I relented for even a second, I would be dead. 

Finally, I managed to beat away the last one, and though most were alive, I had an opening to run. Taking off as fast as I could, I raced for the gate. Before I knew what was happening, a Grounder was upon me, knocking me to the ground. My bow slipped from my grip, just out of reach. 

He pinned me down, and punched me. White hot pain erupted in my cheek. Scarlet stained my lips, and blood trailed from the corner of my mouth down to my neck. I screamed as he drew a knife. I kneed him in the groin and he grunted, giving me enough leeway to scramble for my bow. Before he could impale me with his blade, I dashed my bow against the side of his head so hard it snapped in two. Without hesitation, I grabbed one of the broken pieces and impaled the sharp end through his chest. I didn’t wait around to see what happened. 

I practically ran Miller over as I raced for the dropship. I knew Bellamy had been with him, so the fact that he wasn’t know made my heart want to explode. 

“Everybody, in the dropship!” Miller yelled. “Now!” 

“No!” Clarke shouted. “We need more time. Gunners, stay at your posts. The rest of you, inside. Come on, quick.”

As people rushed inside the dropship, I focused back on killing as many Grounders as I could with the last broken piece of my bow I had left, but I knew I wasn’t going to last much longer. Bellamy and Octavia were nowhere to be seen, and the worry ate at me more and more with each passing minute.

Above us, an explosion unlike anything I’d ever heard reverberated from the dark sky. Fighting all around stopped as we took to staring at the sky. Something was falling. Flames engulfed it, so bright it was almost like looking directly into the sun. It was like the world stopped, as if earth itself wanted to watch it fall. 

I knew what it was. There was only one thing in space big enough make such a noise as it breached the atmosphere.

The Ark.

It broke into several parts, some exploding in bright bursts of fire. My mind was a mess of questions and wonders, but I didn’t have time to think about it. The Grounders were attacking again. But before they could reach the gate, we heard a queer whooping noise come from deep in the woods. People cheering and laughing.

“Reapers!” A Grounder yelled. 

I knew that couldn’t mean anything good. If they feared these things, these reapers, then I figured I should too. 

Just as I was about to relent and run into the dropship, I caught a glimpse of Bellamy running towards me. The relief I felt was overwhelming. But it didn’t last long. 

Finn breezed past me, a gun in his hands. He yelled at me to get inside the dropship, but I couldn’t move. I couldn’t leave Bellamy to fight the influx of Grounders. 

“GO!” Bellamy yelled at me, as he kicked away another of the enemy. “You have nothing to fight with! GO!”

I gave him one last pleading look, but knew he was right. Dropping the remains of my bow, I raced inside the dropship just before the door began to close. A scream echoed from outside the door, and then the leader of the Grounder army fell to the ground inside, right before the door closed completely. I glared at her, but didn’t do anything. Only my concern for Bellamy had my attention. It was just him and Finn fighting alone out there. And the rockets…

My heart lurched. I should have stayed out there with him. 

“Jasper, now!” Clarke ordered, she too distraught, probably because of Finn. 

I turned to Jasper, who flipped a switch that I assumed were meant to fire the rockets, but nothing happened. My stomach dropped. Now we were all truly going to die. 

Grounders pounded on the metal outside. Soon, they were going to break in. 

Anya, the leader of the Grounder army, took that moment to start attacking us with her blades, but before long she was on the ground, everyone fighting for the chance to inflict a wound on her. I turned away, and instead watched Jasper work to fix the problem. 

“She deserves to die!” I heard Miller shout. 

“NO!” Clarke shouted her voice somehow louder than the chaos. “We are NOT Grounders!” 

The ship lurched as Jasper stuck two frayed wires into his control. Outside, the Grounders screamed, and then there was nothing but silence. 

Clarke lowered the dropship door. Slowly, I stepped out onto the charred land. Skeletons littered the ground and the scent of burning flesh filled the air. I stepped with Clarke towards two in particular, and I couldn’t help the tears that stung my eyes. 

It was Bellamy and Finn. 

He was gone. I’d lost Bellamy. He was dead. I choked back a sob as I spun the ring around my finger again. Somehow, a flicker of hope ignited inside of me. Despite the scene lain before my eyes, I had hope that Bellamy wasn’t dead. 

_ We will, we will, we will _ . 

Murmurs of shock around me drew me from my morose thoughts. I looked up to see little red pouches hailing from the sky emitting red smoke. Immediately, my hand flew to my mouth and I stumbled through the scorched battlefield, searching for fresh air. 

“Mountain men,” Anya whispered, her voice laced with fear. 

I looked around at all my people to find them collapsing to the ground. I myself began to stumble, my vision fading, my head growing foggy. 

_ We will, we will, we will _ . 

I chanted the mantra over and over in my mind as I fell to the ground. I looked up to find a person in a gas mask with a gun standing over me. 

_ We will meet again _ . 

One more breath, and the world faded completely around me. 

* * *

When I awoke, everything around me was white. Completely, totally white. Blinding. Even my clothes were, and the fact that someone had changed me made me incredibly uncomfortable. In my arm, there was an IV. Without thinking, I ripped it out. A spot of blood blossomed on my arm, but it didn’t hurt and I didn’t care. 

I went to touch my ring, but it wasn’t there. Panic exploded in my chest. Frantically, I looked around, tearing up the bedsheets, but it was nowhere to be found. I was on the verge of a panic attack but forced myself to take a few deep breaths. Bellamy’s face flashed in my mind, and I bit back tears. He was dead, and there was nothing I could do about it. Later I could mourn. Right now, I needed to make sure I would survive. It’s what he would want. 

I took in my surroundings a little more. On the wall opposite the bed I had been lying on was an oil painting of a lighthouse on the edge of town. Besides that, there was also a steel toilet and a weathered couch. In the corner of the room, near the ceiling, there was a barely noticeable camera. 

So they were watching me. Whoever “they” were. 

I raced for the door and started pulling on the handle, but that proved useless. Frustration filled me as I pounded on the door until my fists were bruised.    
Across the hall from me, there was another door with a large round window on the front, similar to mine. I caught a glimpse of someone pacing back and forth and the longer I watched the more familiar they became. 

“Jasper?” I breathed. “JASPER!” 

I wasn’t sure if he heard me or not, but he stopped his pacing and turned to look out the window. He too, started pounding on the door and calling my name. 

Terror filled me from my core. At least I wasn’t alone, but where the fuck were we? And what were they planning on doing with us? Thousands of theories fired across my mind, each more frightening than the last. The panic in my face mimicked on Jasper’s. I wondered if everyone else from camp was here as well. 

I searched for any clues to answer my questions, peering as far as I could up and down the hall. And then a sign gave me one answer. Just barely, I could see the words MOUNT WEATHER QUARANTINE. 

Chills ran down my spine, and I took a step away from the door in terror. We were where we had meant to go the first day we’d landed. 

We were inside Mount Weather. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, that's the end y'all!! Stay tuned for the next in the series, but it might be a hot second. Need a break from pumping this out so quick haha  
> Anways, hope you all enjoyed it!!


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